Rewind
by BLVD4476
Summary: A summary of their life events as told by Fitz, including everything after Jerry's death, his scarring past, and the present. Will the past haunt him forever, or will he ever be able to look forward to the future? (Sequel to Uphill Both Ways)
1. Going Back

**A/N:** So this is the sequel to Uphill Both Ways. It's much shorter because it was originally planned to be a one-shot, but it turned out to be a little bit longer. It starts a few months ahead of where the first story left off, and Fitz tells of present events and past events, recent and older. It was fun to write. Hope you enjoy. Feel free to leave a review!

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

I set down my silent smartphone on the wooden nightstand and breathed a heavy sigh of relief as I sat down in a plastic chair beside my wife's bed. I hated having to come to a hospital for anything, but it hurt worse seeing her lying there, sleeping peacefully as we waited to meet our daughter.

I knew she wasn't in danger and had no physical wounds. We both knew it is a good pain if it meant we get to see our baby.

I'm glad she's finally asleep. We've been here since five this morning. She's only at thirty weeks; they said this baby can't come out yet. I think they're wrong _._ They gave her medicine around nine, one, and again at five for pain and to stop the contractions, but I know my wife. She knows her body. And I think we're going to meet our daughter soon _._

I'm so proud of her. She has been through so much, and I don't tell her enough how proud I am and how much I love her _._

She's slept well since she's been here, even with a big IV in her arm and heart monitors on her and this baby trying to meet us. I don't know how I got so lucky as to meet her. She has changed my entire world for the better, despite bumps in the road along the way.

I stroked her beautiful hand gently as I listened to the soft beeping of her heart monitor, then stared at the white analog clock on the wall - 8:23 pm.

I couldn't wait much longer to meet our daughter.

* * *

After spending five weeks off the radar at Ben and Kelly's house trying to ride this storm out, we packed our things and decided to head out to the old house for a while. We couldn't go back to the Governor's Mansion, even though they were done investigating there. I couldn't handle that hurt yet. I watched my father, her rapist, die there. Mellie couldn't enjoy that freedom.

 _We weren't ready_.

The wounds were still deep, still fresh.

As we rode down the dirt backroads to the house in silence, I occasionally glanced over at Mel, who was on her phone, texting someone a lot. I figure it was Jade. She helped keep Mel sane through these past few hectic weeks. She would come visit her, cook with her, go walk with her, talk about work, stuff like that. I'm incredibly thankful for having her in our lives. She understands her in ways I don't.

But something still seemed off about Mellie. She was physically and mentally exhausted. She had barely gotten any sleep the past few weeks for worrying about the press and the baby and me, of all people. I had to remind her to not worry about me, that I would be fine. That I wasn't upset. That I didn't care too much about the old bastard anyway.

But I did. I hated every inch, every hair, every cell in that man's body, but he was still my father. I still had that connection to him, I still had that connection to him through Mellie, and no matter how bad I tried not to care about him, I always came back. I always cared, at least a little bit.

I cared enough that even a month after his death, I was still a wreck on the inside. I hadn't slept much either. I don't even remember the last time Mellie and I slept in the same bed. Two-two weeks ago? Maybe? I don't know. Between neither of us sleeping well, her restlessness, and my grief, we've just learned how to deal. I know it will get better soon. I can tell she's more comfortable alone with all her pillows and blankets to snuggle up with, but I wonder how often she has the desire to fall asleep beside another person.

I pulled up to the brick house about twenty minutes later, parked the silver truck in the concrete driveway and got out to help get Mel inside. She wouldn't admit it to me, but I could tell she was still shaken up by the rape. She wanted me near her more, holding on to her, wanting a sense of protection and security. I was just glad she finally allowed me to give it to her. I had missed her.

I opened her door and smiled as I saw her in all her beauty gently step out of the truck. Her gray skinny jeans, blue tennis shoes and my long sleeve purple v-neck looked amazing on her. She could no longer try and hide her pregnancy at fifteen weeks, whatever good that was doing, no matter how much she tugged and pulled at my still baggy shirts on her. It's obvious, and I couldn't be more proud.

She was even more gorgeous carrying our child.

We walked inside our old home that afternoon around two thirty, and after I made sure she was inside, I went back for our bags. The guys came out earlier and said they were watching from a safe distance. Anyway, I was determined to make it all in one trip-not that it was much anyway. Two duffel bags and my work bag felt like nothing. I set them down in the smaller, soft green downstairs bedroom and walked back into the living room to find her at the sliding glass back door. She quickly opened it and stepped outside into the warm March air, taking in a deep breath. I could only wonder what was going through her precious mind at that moment.

I decided to leave her to her thoughts, and walked into the kitchen to figure out what to make for dinner. Then it hit me.

We forgot to stop at the store on the way here for groceries.

I opened the fridge to see if we had anything at all in there, and to my surprise, it was full. Vegetables, drinks, fruit, meat, everything. So were the cabinets. I smiled slightly and closed everything, knowing Kelly had told Ben and the guys to do all this.

We were literally surrounded by some of the best people on earth.


	2. Exhaustion

**A/N:** So we begin to see a little more into their daily lives and into Fitz's past. Hope you enjoy and feel free to leave a review.

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

I have been working less hours the past few weeks as the investigations continued, and Pete has done a good bit of my work at the office, which I am incredibly thankful for. He's a pretty good Lieutenant Governor. After we got settled back in the house over the weekend, I knew I needed to go back to work that next week and get as much done as I possibly could. My only concern was Mellie.

I know she's grown and can do more work if she wants, but for crying out loud, I wish everyone would give her a break. That's all that's in the headlines around here - more rumors about her or1 how she is or how she needs to go back to work. She doesn't even get paid for the excellent work she does. Her entire life changed in an instant three months ago, she's still in counseling, and we just had a death in the family. I'm not saying any of these are good excuses not to work, but it's one thing on top of another, and people need to learn to mind their own business. She'll work when she's ready. If she told me tomorrow she never wanted to work again, that would be ok too. Until then, she is doing just fine.

She spoke of writing to me the other day. She told me that when Ben and I were at work and Kelly was gone during the day for a little while, she would write short stories and plays for fun. TV got boring real fast, and she was running out of books to re-read. She also mentioned sitting outside on their warm concrete patio in the afternoon and closing her eyes, singing her favorite songs for all to hear.

She let me read what she wrote. She let me listen to her sing.

I was in awe.

I knew she liked both, but I never knew how good she was until that moment. She took my breath away. Her powerful yet soft voice, her stringing together of words, her descriptive beauty, it all made masterpieces. She has one hell of a creative imagination.

As soon as I can have a music room added on the house for her and the kids, I will.

Yes, we're planning on having more kids and haven't even had our first.

But anyway, Jade texted me last night and said she's planning on coming over after work a few days to hang out. I don't think she fully understands how much that means to Mel. It's been hard moving here and not having a lot of time to get to make friends and then being thrown into the gubernatorial race full force, that was the icing on the cake. Now we don't know if anyone is really a friend or not, and after recent events, that group has gotten tremendously smaller.

As I lay in our bed beside my wife for the first time in weeks thinking that night, I looked over at the alarm clock - it was 1:48 and I had to be up at six.

It was going to be a _long_ day. Most of them had been long recently. Too long.

I sighed quietly as I glanced over at my beautiful sleeping wife, curled up next to a pillow with the covers pulled in close to her.

I was the luckiest man on earth.

I stretched my legs and arms out, and in doing so, it hit me, out of nowhere. The excruciating pain through my shoulder, the intense phantom sensation of my foot. I sat straight up in bed and bit my tongue not to cry out and wake Mellie. I grabbed my prosthetic and put it on quickly, then stumbled out into the dark living room. I barely made it to the tan leather couch before the breath was knocked out of me. My entire body collapsed into the couch as I tried to keep my cry quiet and my eyes dry. This was the most intense one I had in a long time; I almost blacked out. My throbbing ankle made me almost forget about the pulsating pain in my shoulder. I could feel the bullets ripping through my muscles all over again. I held on to the couch for dear life, feeling Warren's tag and mine cold against my chest, remembering that day all over again.

The day I watched my best friend die before my very eyes, in my very arms.


	3. Hear Me

**A/N:** We get a glimpse into Fitz's military past and how it has changed who he is today. Enjoy and feel free to leave a review or comment!

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

I remember waking up early on a warm April day eight years ago in my tent in Kosovo, around five A.M. I was actually up earlier than normal; we had to be fully dressed in gear and ready to go by six thirty. Warren was to my left and Phil to my right, both still asleep.

I never knew that would be the last time I saw Phil.

I got up, ran the usual two miles and lifted weights just like every other day, showered, and ate a granola bar for breakfast. Warren and I, as Navy SEALs, desperately missed the water; we felt landlocked, which, technically, we were. We were the only two SEALs on this mission; the rest were two captains, three Marines, four SWAT officers, and three soldiers from Canada that tagged along. Phil was one of the Marines assigned with us.

I came back from the showers around the main base building at 6:10, fully dressed and armed, to find three members of our team left, waiting on my instructions. They informed me the others had gone out early on word that some local terrorists were getting an early start this morning, and we were supposed to stay behind and watch over camp.

Me, a trained Navy SEAL, being left to watch a camp and babysit three soldiers on their second mission.

It took all I had to hold back my laughs and anger.

But that's what we did. We watched over camp until ten that morning, guarding the perimeter, ready to fire if necessary. Captain Owen came and informed me we had lost two men to three hand grenades in a humvee. As I watched the other men file in for lunch since it had been a slow day, I became more afraid to ask who had fallen. He proceeded to tell me it was a Marine and a SWAT officer. As I scanned the tables, I immediately knew who wasn't there, and one of the two men was Phil. I thanked Captain Owen and saluted him before he walked away.

I had no time for shedding tears, but the fresh wounds to my heart hurt for days. They were flying home on the first plane available, which would be in two days. I was asked by our mission leader to do the honor of escorting them to back to the States. I said yes without hesitation; I needed to make sure my fellow military brothers got back home safe and sound.

Little did I know I would be on a plane that afternoon, fighting for my own life.

* * *

I remember everything so vividly, even to this day. We had swapped duties for the afternoon, and Warren and I were assigned to patrol and look for the same man we had been searching for for three days now. We were still hopeful and had clues he was still in the area.

I had first met Warren in SEAL training. Our first training simulation together was on the beach, at night, laying at the water's edge and letting it wash over us, feeling the effects of drowning. We got each other through that rough first night.

He was from Utah, a 27 year old civil engineer. We were lying beside each other, among sixty other men, and they were dropping like flies. He looked over at me and whispered that his name was Warren. I said, "I'm Fitz." He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Don't quit on me now. We can do this. When we make it out, I'll buy you a beer."

I knew then he was something special. I had no idea he would be my best friend a few weeks later, and that we would end up on the same mission a year and a half later.

I jumped in the driver's seat of the humvee with my M16, helmet and vest on, and Warren got in the passenger seat, ready to go. I turned the camouflaged truck on and put it in drive, not thinking much of just the two of us being in there as opposed to five or six people. It was empty besides us, which was very unusual. It was what we were told to take, and we were not going to argue.

Our only clue for the day was our guy was last seen wearing a light brown bandana around his head and was carrying both an automatic rifle and a pistol. I drove down the dusty dirt road through the outskirts of town and looked around for him or anything suspicious. Warren had his M16 in hand, ready to fire. We drove like this for an hour and twenty-seven minutes until we noticed a man constantly looking back at us as he and some children ran away, having stirred up the dust.

I lowered my sunglasses and looked in his direction. I slowed down and called out to him, holding up a picture to see if he had seen our guy.

"Hey, what are you doing? Have you seen this guy?" I shouted, but it did no good. He disappeared with the children and as we slowly rolled forward, I had a sense of nervousness wash over me. Something just wasn't right. My heart skipped a beat as I turned to my right and looked at Warren, who had the same feeling.

Then I knew.

All I heard was a loud boom, then saw a flash of light, followed by scorching flames. It took me a second to realize what had happened; I was too focused on getting out of the melting truck and thick, black smoke.

They had planted a bomb in the road.

I had only seen horror stories of this kind of thing on TV.

My next thought was Warren. I was crawling out of the flame-engulfed truck and looked under it; Warren was on the ground on the other side. I could smell my hair burning, my skin charred underneath my clothes. I knew these had to be at least second-degree burns. I couldn't feel my left foot; I was afraid to look down at it. I saw it was mangled, melted, just barely hanging on by some skin. I don't remember anything cutting it, but it was such a clean slice, a piece of shrapnel must have cut it off, right at the bone. There was so much adrenaline going through me, I didn't feel any of the pain. I tried crawling around to the other side of the burning humvee to get to Warren. He was unconscious; when I called his name, he never answered. I didn't see anyone around, but I knew they were coming. They had to be on their way.

I finally dragged myself around in the dirt to him and pulled both of us, best I could, as far away from the truck as I could. He finally started coming to and I held him in my soot-covered lap, knowing I couldn't get us to a safer location.

"Hey buddy, look at me," I said shakily, coughing up dust. "Can you move your arms and legs for me?"

"How are you?" Warren asked, moving his arms, but unable to move his legs. "Well, they fucked up my legs, but I'll make it out," he sighed, wiping his face.

"They got my foot, and we're both pretty burned up," I told him. "But we're gonna get out of here, Warren. And then I'm gonna go get us some beers," I joked, having to make light of the situation.

"How the fuck are we getting out of here, man? Neither of us can walk," he said, holding his side. He pulled up his shirt and looked down at his stomach, slowly turning purple. "Damn it," he sighed, losing hope.

I prayed that our captain would come for us soon; Warren could still be saved, even with the internal bleeding.

"Man, it'll be ok. They're coming for us. I know they heard it that close," I reassured him.

It was then I saw a kid come out from a nearby house and emerge through the smoke and dust, coming towards us. He was dressed in dirty brown pants and a matching shirt, with shaggy black hair and no shoes.

"I don't speak Albanian, man," Warren whispered weakly. I continued to hold him close to me as the little boy approached us faster.

"I'll do my best," I said, hoping I was fluent enough to get this kid to help. He wasn't with the crew of bad ones. I hadn't seen him earlier.

He walked up to us and stopped, looking me dead in the eyes. I had to get him on our level if I wanted to get us out of there. Our guys still hadn't shown up, even after seven whole minutes.

"Hej pak djalë, çfarë është emri juaj?" I asked him what his name was, hoping he would understand and get closer to us.

But he didn't. He just looked at us silently. I had a feeling we were already in deep trouble.

"Ku janë prindërit tuaj? Mund të shkoni të merrni ato për të na ndihmuar? Ne jemi të mirë. Ne nuk do të ju lënduar," I asked him where his parents were because we needed help. I also explained we were the good guys and were not going to hurt him.

He stared blankly into my eyes, looked down at Warren, and back up to me before running back into his house. I was hopeful he would bring help back.

Boy, was I wrong.

The boy ran back and stopped in front of us, turning back to shout to his father that we were the men he had found. A man emerged from the clay house and around the burning vehicle, and as he got closer, I saw he had a gun. He was a tall man, about 6'4", dressed in tan clothes and a white robe just like his son, had a shaggy beard, longer black hair, and a cloth hat on his head. Surprisingly, he had shoes on, and as he got closer, I realized the gun was a shotgun. I was thankful it was only a shotgun and not a military rifle.

We could live through close range shotgun wounds.

He approached us and stopped after he saw our intense burns and bleeding wounds, then turned to his son and whispered some things to him. I couldn't hear anything they said; all I did was pray to God that our people were on their way to get us.

Next thing I knew, he had the barrel pointed at my face and was yelling at me, demanding answers as to why we were there. It was in that split second that I decided I wouldn't utter a word of Albanian to this man. They were also talking so fast, I barely understood what they said. Warren looked up at me and got the gun pointed at him as the man loaded it.

"We were making patrol rounds when our truck blew up," I barely got out before he started yelling at me again. His face was getting red with anger and he pointed the gun back at me, telling me to quit speaking in English and explain why we were really there. He then accused us of searching for all men possible to question and torture.

I remembered I had to keep my cool and play dumb. This was killing me on the inside. If my guns hadn't been in the truck, I would've shot this man between the eyes. I knew he was our inside guy.

He was too calm, yet also fearful.

"Name," he said in poor English.

"Fitzgerald Grant," I said, the adrenaline of the explosion wearing off. I was beginning to feel the effects of it all, especially as I watched blood continue to pour out of my ankle and my foot dangle by a thin piece of skin. If I was feeling this weak already, I knew Warren was almost unconscious again.

He pointed to Warren and he weakly replied.

"Warren Taylor," he said with a cough. I pulled him closer to me and got the gun pressed to my chest. He told the boy to go inside. He followed his orders.

"Why you here," he asked angrily, ready to kill us. I was furious.

 _This asshole knew English._

Here we were, suffering second and third degree burns, partially paralyzed, lacking a foot, and having internal bleeding. I spoke Albanian and he spoke English.

We were killing each other.

 _But he was the bad guy_.

"Daily patrolling," Warren said. "We aren't trying to kill anyone."

"Bullshit," the man yelled, hitting both of us upside the head with the gun. I felt the whole right side of my face begin to swell.

He pointed the gun back at me and demanded I tell him the truth that we were not trying to kill their people, we were not the bad guys, that we were there for good, to help them.

"We are here to help your people get rid of terrorism," I said. The next thing I remember is hearing a few loud bangs and feeling bullets rip through my shoulder and hurt ankle. I cried out quietly in pain and all I could hear was him shouting at us. I didn't even try to make out what he was saying once I looked down and saw Warren.

He had shot him in the head and chest. He was bleeding out, suffering slowly as he took his last few breaths.

"I can't quit on you now," he whispered weakly, trying to focus on me.

"It's ok, Warren. We're going to be ok. _You're_ going to be ok. I love you, man," I assured him, squeezing his hand. He squeezed back and nodded understandingly.

"There's a letter in my bag," he barely got out. "Give it to Hailey...tell her I love her."

"I will," I said, fighting back tears as the man continued yelling and began hitting me with the gun again.

I watched my friend take his last breath. I watched him die. I was covered in his warm blood.

My first instinct was to kill this man, but I couldn't do that. It wouldn't be right.

He punched me in the face and grabbed me by my collar, dragging my beaten, burned body through the dirt and into his dirty house. I saw a fire crew coming to put the truck out as he shut the concrete door quickly.

He said nothing after that. He threw me in a dark room with no furniture, no blankets, no food or water. He shut the door and left me.

Left me there to _die_.

I dragged myself to the corner, looking at the small window near the ceiling. I had to get up there, but I had no idea how.

I leaned against the cold, gray wall and looked at my disgusting foot. My friend just died in my arms and I had to leave him out in the dirt. I would have to tell his wife. This Albanian-speaking man took me. I would bleed out before they found me. I was already weak.

I knew I was going to die, and I didn't even get a chance to tell Mellie goodbye.

I knew I had to do something for my foot. I managed to get the boot off my right foot and took my sweaty sock off, ripping it into strips. I slowly unbuttoned my uniform shirt and managed to get my bloody, burned t-shirt off and sighed. I was exhausted.

But I had to keep going if I was to live.

That required tearing my own foot off. I picked up my dangling foot, hanging on by some skin and tendons, and pulled out my pocket knife. I quickly grabbed the t-shirt and bit down on it, knowing how bad this would hurt. I opened the blade and quickly cut through the skin and tendons, trying not to scream, and wrapped the shirt around the still bleeding wound, then tied the strips around it to keep it compressed.

I had just cut off my own foot.

What the hell was I supposed to do with this foot lying on the ground beside me? They couldn't re-attach it now.

I put on my uniform shirt and wiped my tired eyes. I laid down on the cold, dirt floor and closed my eyes, praying that someone would find me.


	4. Hit The Ground

**A/N:** Thanks for reading. It means a lot to me. I really do hope you are enjoying reading this. A sequel was never planned, but it's coming together.

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

It was probably seven hours later when I was awoken by the sounds of a nearby helicopter. It sounded like it was getting closer and closer. It sounded like a military helicopter. At least, I thought I heard a helicopter. It was probably just hallucinations from blood loss and drifting in and out of consciousness. But at this point, I had no hope. I was going to die here.

Not until I heard my guys kick in the front door and make their way through the dirty house, searching for me. Less than two minutes later, the door to the dark room was kicked in and Owen had found me, all bruised and broken. Our captain had actually come looking for Warren and me. He quickly radioed back to base that I had been found.

"Did you get Warren?" I asked weakly, the light spilling in from the hallway hurting my tired eyes.

"We did," he said softly, knowing I was upset. "You're going to be ok," he said, looking at how badly I was burned. "We got a plane waiting to take you to Berlin and take Warren for an autopsy. I'm going with you and Kevin is taking over the mission. We gotta get out of here," he said as another guy ran in. They picked me and my foot up and carried me out to the loud truck. I saw them arresting the father and he began shouting at me. He told me I deserved to fucking die.

I didn't care.

As soon as we got outside, I was surprised at how dark it was. Owen told me it was around 10 pm and we would get to Berlin around 1 a.m. I remember they put me on the truck, and past that, I don't remember anything until we were on the plane. They began an IV and a blood transfusion and I came to, seeing Owen sitting in a seat beside my stretcher.

"Hey," I whispered raspily, my throat sore. I wished I could have some water, but knew it wouldn't happen until my lungs and throat were cleaned from the smoke.

"Hey," he said, scooting a little closer to me. "They briefly had to put a tube in your throat, but they took it out pretty quickly. We're about thirty minutes away."

"I have to...get the letter to his wife," I explained, trying to make him understand. "It's in his bag. I promised him."

"I'll call the base and get them to send it-"

"I need to deliver it myself," I struggled to speak. " _Please_."

He saw the concern in my eyes and sighed, wiping his face.

"I'll get it shipped here," he sighed, knowing it's what Warren would've wanted. He gently took my now bandaged, burned hand and shook his head.

"What happened?" He asked, still in shock it had happened.

"We hit a street bomb, both barely made it out. He was way worse off than me. A kid ran out, I spoke to him in Albanian and told him we were good and to get help. He brought his dad back and he had a shotgun. I spoke only English, I was afraid. Turns out, he spoke English. Badly, but he spoke it. I told him we were there to help when he asked, and then he shot us. He dragged me away when I tried to comfort Warren. I had to leave him there," I said, a few tears streaming down my face. Both of my hands and arms were bandaged, as were my torso and legs. Owen wiped my eyes for me.

"Have you called home yet?" I asked quietly. I didn't want my dad to know. He didn't want me going away, especially not with Mom's death only eight months ago. He didn't think I could make it through SEAL training, but I proved him wrong. Now he didn't think I would last here. He was almost right.

"I had to call your dad. Protocol," he sighed, knowing we weren't on good terms. I looked down and still couldn't believe my foot was gone. I would have to learn how to walk all over again.

 _This officially sucked_.

I wanted to tell Mellie I was ok. That I was sorry for stepping out of her life for three and a half years, that I should've kept in touch, that I still loved her.

But I didn't think it was right. I wanted to do it in person.

"What did he say?" I said uninterestedly, beginning to wonder how bad I looked. Everything was hurting, my ankle was aching, my shoulder sore, my heart broken.

"That he would meet us in D.C. He's really worried about you, Fitz," Captain Owen explained sincerely. "He was glad to know you're alive. I had to talk him out of coming all the way over here."

I sighed exhaustedly, really not caring one bit.

"How bad do I look, man? I've been wondering since we crawled out of the truck and I smelled us burning," I asked. Owen got up and looked around in his carry-on bag for a mirror. It was only the three of us, the medical personnel, and the pilots on this military plane. He brought all his stuff right on board. He pulled out a small mirror with a handle a few minutes later and looked away as he handed it to me.

"Oh my God," I whispered quietly upon seeing my own face. I had second-degree burns to my chest, neck, and face; apparently everything below my chest had splotchy third degree burns. I was hideous. I felt a tightening in my chest and the medical personnel came from the back, evaluated me, then put my oxygen mask back on.

"Fitz, you're a tough one. You're a SEAL, for crying out loud. You'll make it past this. It will all get better in time. I promise, man," Owen told me.

"When do you think I'll be back?"

"That depends on how long they do therapy on your foot and if it works or not," he said sadly. "If it doesn't or they don't clear you, you'll get an honorable discharge and get put on permanent disability."

Those words haunted me.

 ** _Honorable discharge._**

 ** _Permanent disability._**

What if I never walked again? What if I never got another job? What if I couldn't live alone?

She would never take me back.

* * *

Four days later I was out of the hospital. They properly amputated what was left of my foot, removed the bullet from my shoulder, and treated my burns as well. They shaved my head because my hair was so badly burned. My arm and leg hair had burned off. My eyes and nose still hurt.

They told me I would begin physical therapy and see a psychiatrist when I got home. I was going home in a wheelchair, but I could walk short lengths with crutches right now. I decided when I met Hailey I would walk to her. Owen said they all knew how much Warren and I meant to each other, and that was one of the only reasons I got to escort him home.

As soon as we left the hospital around seven that morning, Owen took us to our military base there to let me clean up and get our bags. Unfortunately we didn't get to do any sightseeing in Berlin because of our nine a.m. flight time. When we got to the base, I convinced him to let me walk with my crutches. I was slow, and it was painful, but it gave me hope.

Hope that everything would be normal again.

We met with the base captain and he showed us quickly to the bunk where our things were. He saluted us and showed us inside, trying to treat me as if nothing had happened. I appreciated it.

As soon as we got in the bunk, there were probably thirty soldiers in there, making their beds or writing letters. They all saw us come in and they stopped what they were doing, lined up along the aisle and saluted the three of us as we walked through. A few patted me on the back or shook Owen's hand as we walked past. Here I was, straight from the hospital in nothing but a white t-shirt and shorts, waiting to change into full dress. I was embarrassed. Before I changed, a few men stopped me and shook my hand. They wanted to thank me. Thank me for taking care of our fallen brother and to thank me for my service. That was the second time I had shed a tear in a week.

Damn it, I had to stop all this crying.

I was frustrated. I didn't feel like I had done any "service". I got blown up, for Pete's sake.

That's not a service.

I went in the large bathroom and washed off with a towel the best I could since I was not cleared to take a shower until my burns were healed. My charred face and sore hands were already looking better, which made me happy. I put my cold tags back on and slipped on my black pants and sat back down. It was weird rolling up my left pants leg and not having another shoe to put on. I tied my right one and continued getting dressed, putting on my black blazer and insignia carefully. I put on my solid white hat last, getting up and taking one last look in the mirror. Owen came back and looked me over once before saluting me. I took a deep breath and saluted him back, fighting tears.

I picked up my crutches and hobbled back out into the open bunks with Owen behind me, carrying our bags. The men were still lined up and I stopped, saluting them with my left hand the best I could. They all saluted back respectfully and I nodded, walking back outside. Owen put our bags in the car and we told the base captain goodbye with heavy hearts.

We got to the airport maybe twenty minutes later, driving out on the runway to our charter plane. Owen said we had been pre-cleared through customs as we pulled up. I was surprised, but not really - Owen got things done. It was the three of us and two Marines escorting four other Marines home.

I watched silently as Owen and the two Marines got our men settled and their flags situated. It was beautiful yet heartbreaking. These men were someone's husband, son, brother, nephew, uncle, boyfriend, grandson, father, best friend, the list goes on and on. And they had to be buried.

We quietly got onto the plane and sat down. I sat by a window and Owen sat behind me. I opened my bag and there it was, lying right on top, the letter Warren had written to Hailey.

I had to guard it with my life.

I quickly put it inside my interior coat pocket and dug around in my bag, looking for my black leather wallet. I pulled it out and felt behind my driver's license, pulling out some pictures. It was three of them, to be exact. The first one was of Mom and me the day I left for SEAL training; she was so sad. She didn't want to see "her baby boy" go. I assured her I would be back soon.

Little did I know, it would be for her funeral.

The second one was a family photo of us at my law school graduation. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a warm 70 degrees in New Haven that May morning when the Yale Law Class of 2002 was graduating. I was nervous because as soon as graduation was over, we were flying home and I was taking the bar exam in Texas a week later. We sat through the ceremony, I walked across the stage and got my diploma, and sat there in awe. I had just graduated Yale Law School.

As soon as graduation was over, I met my parents and Mellie in the crowd. She ran into my arms and I held her tightly, giving her a quick kiss. I hugged my parents and listened to my mother tell me how proud she was of me. She was the most excited. I was just happy to be with them and Mellie. She was the one to take the picture of me and my parents.

The last one was a picture of me and Mels at the Christmas formal earlier that year. She was wearing a beautiful silver gown with sequins down the side and jet-black heels, and I was in my suit with a matching silver tie. We were so young, so happy.

I had to get that back.


	5. The Two Halves Of My Heart

**DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

We arrived in Washington, D.C. around five that dreary afternoon. It felt amazing to be back on American soil, but knowing I had to leave my brothers behind was torture. As our plane parked on the runway, I looked around and saw police cars and fire trucks, American flags hanging from the trucks, and fellow military brothers. I saw the families of the fallen gathered nearby, waiting for us to unload. I hadn't prepared myself for the tears that day.

We got off the plane slowly and Owen and the others helped our soldiers off and to their families. I stood behind Warren, watching as they folded his flag first. Owen took it and walked with me to his parents and wife. I stopped in front of them and Owen handed me the flag, and I gave it to a teary-eyed Hailey, who was quietly thanking me. I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out the letter, neatly folded into an envelope, and handed it to her.

"He told me to give this to you," I said quietly. She nodded and I gave a quick nod before going back to my original position with Owen by Warren.

A few days later was his funeral, and he was to be laid to rest at the United States Naval Academy Cemetery. It was a nice, closed-casket graveside service. His wife accepted his numerous honors on his behalf. She let me and Owen sit with the rest of the family for the service. I was touched. Warren was like family to me, but for someone else to see that meant everything.

As Taps was played and the guns were fired, Hailey wiped her eyes and glanced at me, putting her hand into mine. I felt something cold in my hand and looked down; it was one of Warren's tags. I looked up at her and she gave me a look, letting me know we would talk about it later.

After the funeral, she took me to the side and spoke softly. She took off her dark sunglasses to reveal her red, swollen eyes and looked into mine.

"Thank you, Fitz, for everything. You did so much for him, you were his best friend, practically his brother. I know how much you meant to him..." She paused, her voice breaking as she fought back tears. "Thank you for making sure he got home safely. And thank you for the letter," she whispered.

"Yes ma'am," I nodded professionally. "Thank you, Hailey. It was an honor to serve with a man as great as Warren. It won't be the same without him, but he worked his hardest and did his best to defend this country," I said. "I loved him. He loved you. The last thing he said was to tell you he loved you," I whispered.

She nodded and began crying, and I took her in my arms as best I could and still hold myself up. I rubbed her back and just let her cry, because that's what she needed at this point: to cry and be assured it was ok to do so.

A few minutes later she pulled away, wiping her eyes, ashamed of crying in public. I told her it was ok to cry as I pulled out my tags and took my chain off. I handed her one of mine and put Warren's next to my singular one and put them back around my neck.

"Keep it," I whispered.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

* * *

 _Present day_

It's ten at night, and me and Mels are watching reruns of _Criminal Minds_. She's wide awake after more contractions at seven and nine. I had two cups of black coffee before she woke up from her two hour nap. Betty was asleep on the couch; flying always wore her out.

We're good to go for a few more hours.

As I sat beside her bed in an ugly black, plastic chair, her hand in mine as we watch the TV late that night, I couldn't help but admire her more. Her strength, her beauty, her love. I knew on our second date that she was going to be a wonderful mother one day, and I could only hope that she would be the mother of my children.

That wish was coming true.

"Fitz," she whispered, pulling me out of my deep thoughts as she stroked my hand.

"Hmm?" I looked over at her, her beautiful eyes shining and long hair put up in a messy bun.

"Do you want to lay down here with me?" She asked, wanting me to be comfortable, worrying about me more than herself, as usual.

I just wanted to hold her in my arms, to keep her safe, to help her through everything, to have one more moment with her to cherish.

"Sure," I said, taking off my shoes and watch as she scooted over slowly, making room for me. I saw our duffel bag across the room and debated changing, but I didn't want to yet. I got in bed beside her and she snuggled up next to me as I put my arm around her. I kissed her forehead and sighed quietly; I would actually miss her being pregnant. She wouldn't, but she said she would do it all over again for our daughter. She was so cute, and even more gorgeous than before when she carried our child; I didn't even think that was possible.

I wasn't going to fall asleep; I would be ok until she went back to sleep. I just needed a little nap. I would be ok after that-

"Fitz, wake up," she nudged my side with her elbow. "You're about to miss the best part."

I quickly opened my eyes and directed my attention to the TV, pretending to watch. I was too tired to watch. I was too excited, I was ready to meet our daughter, I was ready to see Mel not exhausted.

She fell asleep for a little while after the end of the episode. I was still trying to stay awake myself.

I had an hour to sleep. I needed to take it.


	6. Feels Like The First Time

**A/N:** I really hope y'all enjoy this chapter because it is one of my favorites. Feel free to leave a review!

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

"You cold-hearted jerk!" I grunted, swinging at Jerry's face, his jaw cracking, and then going for his ribs. He doubled over as I hit him in the side again and growled angrily. He would never, ever get away with what he had done. The anger built up inside me more and more with each punch, each dodge from his, each time he almost fell.

"Fitz, wake up," I heard Mellie say worriedly as she shook my arm.

I sat up straight in bed, sweat rolling down my face, panting heavily as I grabbed the warm mattress. I grabbed my alarm clock and saw it was 5:15 a.m.

"What happened?" She asked, sitting up beside me, stroking my hair and neck. "You were grunting and yelling and I was worried."

"It was just a bad dream," I sighed, knowing I had to be up at six and may as well stay up and get something done. "Just go back to sleep," I whispered. She laid back down and pulled the covers up to her neck.

I grabbed my phone and saw it was only the second Tuesday in this long month of April. I picked out some cool clothes to wear, knowing it was already getting hot outside, and went to take a shower.

I was sitting in my home office early before work, looking at the stack of medical bills that had piled up recently. I had looked over all of them, but still had to call the insurance about each one.

So I picked up the phone and began calling, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, before getting on the phone with a representative.

As she began speaking, I saw Mellie come out of the bedroom and going into the kitchen. I wondered why she was awake this early, unless she wanted to talk before I went to work.

"Yes ma'am, I was calling about recent procedures that had been done. The billing statements said none of the procedures had been cleared through the insurance yet," I explained. She explained everything to me, I thanked her, and slammed the phone down on the receiver.

" _Damn it_ ," I growled angrily. "Good for nothing insurance."

I didn't even notice Mellie walk in with a cup of coffee for me at this point, I was so angry. I slammed my fists on the desk and sighed.

"We pay hundreds of dollars a month for insurance-"

She set the cup down on my desk and sighed softly, looking at me with a questioning expression on her sleepy face.

"What happened?" She asked me. I sighed and got up, walking to the front of the desk, sitting on the edge, right in front of her.

"Some bills came in and the insurance won't cover it. I just don't see why we pay for insurance and then can't use it, is all," I sighed, sipping my fresh coffee, noticing the sun shining through the blinds and onto the floor.

"Well, how much were they?" She asked.

I wasn't even going to tell her about one bill, let alone that it was all costing upwards of $32,000. We could pay for it, that wasn't an issue. The fact the insurance wouldn't help is what made me mad. She didn't need to worry about any of it. I would pay any price to see that she was safe and healthy

"Don't worry about it. We can pay it off," I said, setting my cup down and she crossed her arms. She would find out; she was good at weaseling information out of me.

"Fitz, you know I'll worry about it either way, so just tell me," she said.

"You don't need to know, ok? I don't want you feeling bad about it because none of this was avoidable," I explained.

"Damn it," she whispered under her breath through her teeth, already feeling guilty as she walked towards the door. "More or less than $20,000?"

"Less," I lied. "I told you we could afford it. Don't worry about it. I'm about to pay it."

"When are you going to work?" She asked in almost a sad tone, leaning against the doorframe, looking at the floor.

"In about thirty minutes. You want to come with?"

She shook her head no quietly and looked around my office. "Not today."

She walked out and went back into the living room, and turned on the TV. She stretched out on the sofa, looking sad, almost depressed, and threw a blue blanket over her body.

I sighed, wanting to stay. I would feel better about it if I did. I didn't want her like this here alone. I decided I would go to work until two, come home, and take her out somewhere this afternoon. Maybe to the zoo, maybe to a game. Just somewhere to get her out.

I put my papers and the bills in my bag, determined not to let her see them, grabbed the truck keys, told her goodbye, and went to work early.

I was ready for this afternoon.

* * *

I was sitting in my home office late on a Friday afternoon in my jeans and gray t-shirt, going over proposals for the next House meeting on Tuesday. I wanted to get done with my work so I could just relax a little with Mel this weekend, but I could barely focus. All I could hear was the old clock on the wall ticking and feel a draft coming in through the doorway. I sighed and took off my reading glasses, setting them down on top of the files. I turned off my lamp and stood up, stretching before I walked out and into the kitchen, seeing what I could make for dinner. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket as I opened the fridge and turned on my favorite playlist. I grabbed a beer and took a drink, then decided it would probably be best to ask Mel what she wanted to eat. To my surprise, she had her arms wrapped around my waist before I even turned around.

"Hey baby," I said, taking another drink and turning around, giving her a hug. She pulled me in closer and ran her hands up and down my back, sighing deeply. I could feel her chest rise and fall slowly against mine, but I could also feel something else. It was like a want, a need, something she wasn't telling me.

"What do you want for dinner?" I asked, setting my beer down as she sat on the gray granite countertop, her hair up in a messy ponytail and her gray shorts and white t-shirt giving her the cutest lazy look.

"I don't know," she said quietly, crossing her ankles. "What were you thinking?"

"Steak and grilled vegetables," I said, standing in front of her, admiring her beauty. "Let me ask this, what do you not want?" I smiled softly.

"Not steak," she giggled, reaching her hand out for mine, pulling me in to her. "Why don't we just go to the store and get something later?" She said softly. "There's not much here and I'm not really hungry now, unless you're just starving."

"You sure you want to go out that late, _Mrs. Grant?"_ I said, knowing being called that made her the happiest woman on earth and drove her wild at the same time. "You might..." I gasped softly, " _risk being seen_. _With me_." I joked, nudging her arm with a smile. I always teased like we were something famous. I got a smile out of her, but didn't realize what else I had done until I felt my arm being jerked back and her soft lips against mine, the alcohol on my breath mixing with hers. I obviously kissed her back as her hands rested on my hips and my arms around her shoulders. We kissed for a few more minutes until her gentle hands made their way under my shirt, warm against my chilled body.

"Mel," I pulled away with a whisper, looking into her beautiful blue eyes, "I'm not trying to ruin this moment, but I don't want to do anything you're not ready for," I explained softly, still holding her close. "If you're not ready to physically love like this again...I'll keep waiting. I love you. I would wait until the end of time for you, Melanie."

I knew it could be months, possibly even years before she ever felt secure and confident enough to love physically again, if it _ever_ happened, and I was ready to embrace it and its challenges.

One of those challenges was the power she felt he still held over her, even when he was dead. I could tell some days when she slipped back into that mindset, back to when her life was not her own. I had to remember this, and that it was more of a mental than physical challenge.

"No... I just...I think I'm ready. It's been almost half a year since we've made love. Since… the rape," she tripped over those words. "I want to physically love you, Fitz."

I nodded softly and kissed her forehead, then looked back into her eyes.

"Stop me if you need to," I assured her. "I don't mind, baby."

"Ok," she whispered, pulling me back into her embrace. I wrapped my arms around her still small frame and kissed her pink lips again. At five and a half months pregnant, she could no longer hide the fact, but she would always be the same petite young woman I met years ago at law school to me.

I began kissing her neck, gentle enough to elicit a soft gasp from her yet rough enough to leave my mark. I rested my elbows and forearms on the kitchen cabinets above her, my fists pressed tightly against them as our lips met again momentarily. Her hands pulled my body closer to hers and slowly explored my tough skin under my shirt. She backed her lips away from mine, her warm breath sending a chill down my spine. I could tell she wanted to slow down, and I didn't want to make her feel pressured in any way.

"Mellie," I whispered, almost inaudible. "If..." I felt her strong hands tug on my biceps, feeling trapped. I realized what I had done as I lowed my arms and hoped I hadn't ruined everything.

"Please...I just need to gather my thoughts and slow down a little," she said with closed eyes and her hands in mine. She took a few deep breaths and looked back into my eyes. I could see peace within her for the first time in weeks.

I picked her up off the cold counter and swiftly carried her to our bedroom, turning off the main light and turning a small lamp on as I shut the door behind me. I laid her down on the bed and we slowly undressed each other, enjoying our intimate moment together. I could feel the fear leave in every movement of her body as we made love. I could feel the love and trust coming back.

* * *

As I took a shower around eight that night, I heard Mellie knock on the bathroom door, coming in to dry her hair. I peeked out from behind the shower curtain and saw her in jeans, a ruffled white shirt, and her gray sweater.

"You are looking stunning this evening, Mrs. Grant," I smiled, getting her to turn around as she plugged up the hair dryer. She laughed softly and came over and gave me a kiss.

"I think you need to take a cold shower, Mr. Grant," she said, reaching in and turning the hot water off with a teasing smile. I smiled and closed the curtain as she walked away, turning the hot water back on and finishing my shower. I couldn't help but remember our loving moments earlier, how much strength that took of her, how open and welcoming she was of me. It made me happy.

I turned the water off and grabbed a fluffy gray towel as I got out, wrapping it around my waist and going to the closet to find something to wear. I pulled out a light pink button down and jeans and quickly got dressed. I was ready to go wherever she wanted.

Twenty minutes later, we jumped in the truck and headed downtown to get something to eat. As I drove down the backroads leading from our house to the highway, I could see happiness in my wife as she waved her arm out the open window with a smile. The night air felt amazing as I rolled down my window. I glanced over and smiled, and all I saw was a beautiful smile and a woman finally at ease.

* * *

I still turned around while she undressed that night after we got home, pretending I was looking for a different shirt to sleep in in the closet. I didn't know if she was comfortable dressing in front of me or not; we never talked about it because I knew she would come to me with it when she was ready.

Granted, I know we had sex and she was naked then, but that was a moment of escape from this world. Our minds were focused; I was glad to see her thinking about something else other than Jerry for a moment.

She took off her clothes, standing there in nothing but her black bra and panties as her pajamas lay on the bed.

"Fitz," she said quietly. I stood up and turned halfway around, not looking directly at her.

"Yeah?" I asked quietly.

"Look at me," she whispered, staring dead at me.

I couldn't believe it. She was allowing me to look at her beautiful body and soul after months of hiding herself away.

"Are you sure?" I questioned again, wanting to make sure she was positive in her choice.

"Yes," she said. "I can't live in hiding forever. I gave myself to you earlier, and honestly, it was hard. Yes, I wanted that pleasure and to make both of us happy, but it was killing me inside to get undressed in front of you, to let you explore me naked, to let us become one again for the first time since…" she explained.

"And it was _amazing_ to feel that passion and love with you again. I know it was a struggle, but it was great to feel that after feeling empty for _so long_ ," she said, her voice trembling as a tear came to her eye.

"You are my _husband_ , my lover, my rock," she said. "I can't hide myself from you. It has done nothing but push us farther from each other, and it is killing me because I want us to be strong. I need to heal, I've come to accept that; but I also need you, Fitz, so please...just look at me."

I turned fully towards her, looking over her entire beautiful, loving body. I sighed quietly and closed my eyes, shaking my head.

I quickly smiled and her eyes met mine. I could see the doubt in her clear blue eyes; she thought I believed she was ugly.

"Gosh, you're beautiful," I said in a hushed tone, in disbelief. She was gorgeous, and she couldn't see that. I walked slowly to her and stopped in front of her, looking at every inch of her body from her head to her cute little toes.

"Melanie Richardson," I said, and she immediately knew I was serious as our eyes met, "I have never seen another woman in my entire life as beautiful as you. Your hair, your eyes, your hands, your whole body is amazing; but also your heart, personality, kindness, and forgiving spirit make you equally beautiful." I took her soft hands into mine as she continued to look into my eyes.

"I don't know what to say, Fitz," she whispered to me. I didn't want her to say anything. I just wanted her to accept it.

"You don't have to say anything. Just accept those things as true," I said with a smile. She grinned and pulled me in for a long hug, both of us feeling safe. I rubbed her smooth back gently and was still surprised that we had gotten this close in such a short period of time.

We pulled away and put on our pajamas, getting in the bed together. She fell asleep snuggled up next to me only minutes later, and it was amazing.

This was the Mel I knew.


	7. Moneygrabber

**A/N:** I feel like this chapter is slow, but the next few will definitely be better. Please feel free to leave a review.

Also, if I did another short story about Scandal (probably still along the Mellitz side), what/who would you like to see in it and would you like to be more like the show?

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

Mellie changed into her pink plaid pajama pants and an old white t-shirt of hers that Sunday night, grabbing her phone and crawling into our warm bed. I took off my shirt and put on my favorite purple long sleeve shirt. I put on my shorts and got into bed with her, watching as she set her alarm for five a.m. I set mine and put my phone on the nightstand beside my gun and looked over at her with a smile, saying nothing.

She laid back into her pillow and pulled the covers and fuzzy blanket up to her chin, closing her eyes. I sighed quietly, wishing we could've talked, cuddled, something.

"What is it, Fitz?" She asked quietly, slightly annoyed. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," I mumbled, turning off my nightstand lamp and closing my eyes. I didn't want to go to sleep like this. I wanted her in my arms.

"No, it's obviously something," she said, turning her lamp on and leaning on her elbow, looking at me. "Talk to me."

"It's stupid, I just thought we were going to talk or watch TV or something, that's all," I said, shaking my head. "I've really enjoyed this weekend."

"It's been good," she said, agreeing. "Almost like normal."

Then she turned off the soft glowing lamp and went to sleep.

* * *

I woke up at 5:30 that morning, surprised to hear the shower running. I sleepily turned off my alarm and got out of bed, wondering why she was up this early. I went to the kitchen and saw that she hadn't made any coffee yet. I turned on the coffee pot and grabbed a banana out of the fruit basket on the counter, eating it quickly. By the time the coffee was done, I heard her get out of the shower. I poured a cup and took it into the bedroom to get ready. She was in her black bra and jeans, looking for a nice shirt to wear, with her hair up in a towel.

"You're up early," I commented, taking a sip of my rich coffee.

"I thought it would be nice to go to work today," she said, pulling out two shirts and holding them up for me to decide. "Blue or pink and white?" She asked.

I studied both of them momentarily, then set my cup down. "Blue."

She put the other shirt back up and hung the blue one on the closet doorknob, then went back to the bathroom to put her makeup on.

I grabbed some boxers out of the dresser and went into the bathroom to take a shower. I didn't bother Mellie and was still surprised she decided to go to work today. I glanced over at her as she stared in front of the mirror, putting on light gray eyeshadow. I stepped into the shower and turned the water on, quickly washing my hair and body, then getting out.

I wrapped my white towel around my waist and walked out to the bedroom, grabbing a pair of ironed khakis, a white button down, and a soft blue tie out of the closet. I got dressed and smoothed everything out, feeling good today. I combed my hair and put a little bit of gel in it, then put on a dab of cologne. Mellie came out of the bathroom, finished with her makeup and starting on her hair. She came and put her blue striped shirt on and gave me a hug.

"You look nice," she said with a smile.

"Well, so do you," I told her. "I'm really glad you're going in today. Maybe it won't be so boring," I joked, glad she was back.

* * *

As soon as we pulled up and went inside the Capitol, people's heads turned. They were all surprised to see Mellie back, but they were also very welcoming, stopping to say hello.

Did we get tired of cameras in our face all the time? Yes. Did we learn to keep our business under wraps? Yes. Did we ever really get used to this public life? No.

We made it to our office at 7:30, and no sooner than 7:50 did we already have Jackson calling.

This day was going to be far from boring.

We went down the hall to his office, wondering what he could possibly want that was such a big deal this early. I was still half asleep; my coffee fix had not been fulfilled.

"Darren Lewis wants an interview," Jackson told us as we stood in his cramped, drafty office early that Monday morning. I had just fixed my second cup of coffee for the day when he spoke up.

"Why would a story like this get aired on the national evening news? Is it a slow news week or something?" I asked, in shock. I didn't want to do it. There's no reason for me to speak up about my father. Mellie gave me an annoyed look and crossed her arms, listening to his response.

"It's not every day that the Texas governor's father, a former governor of the state, buys drugs, hires prostitutes, and dies suddenly. Plus, people want answers about how you feel, about how Mellie feels and if he really assaulted her, how the baby is, what will become of his possessions, etc. Social media has gone from a few people knowing this to everyone in Texas and across the country trying to familiarize themselves with what led to his death and your stepping out of the spotlight of politics for a minute," Jackson said.

 _"If he_ _ **really**_ _assaulted her_?" I growled, slamming my fist on his desk, breathing heavily. I was ready to fight. "Are you kidding me? Who ever suggested something like this would ever be faked? I cannot-"

" _Fitz_ ," Mellie raised her voice, grabbing my arm and bringing me back down to earth. I nodded and stepped back from his desk.

We both stood in silence for a moment as Jackson waited impatiently for an answer. It would be publicity-something we always needed. I rubbed my cold hands together and thought for a second before answering.

"I'll do it by myself. Mellie doesn't need to get involved in this unnecessarily," I explained, looking at her. She shook her head yes; I knew she didn't want to talk to anyone. She wasn't ready. I wasn't ready.

"Fitz, this could be what we need to-"

"I don't care," I growled angrily at him. "I'm trying to watch out for us. She has to be taken care of. So he gets it with me on my terms or not at all."

Jackson sighed and set his pen down.

"I'll call him back. I'll let you know," he sighs impatiently, obviously upset. I decided then to talk to him later about an attitude adjustment.

"Thanks," I said, leading Mellie out and back to our large office.

Jackson growled quietly as the door shut and called Darren Lewis, wanting his money, wanting the $2 million in hand from Mr. Lewis for this interview.


	8. With The People I'd Die For

**A/N:** Thank you so much for reading, and please feel free to leave a review. All I can say for this chapter is sometimes things get worse before they get better.

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

I woke up in a panic three nights later, grabbing the pistol off my nightstand, trying to get some air into my lungs. Then I realized it was just a dream.

I had dreamed about when I found my father, dead, upstairs in our house.

I remembered every bit of that morning. The girl he brought home that night running out the house, me going upstairs and to his room, seeing the vodka and clothes strewn about.

I can't get him out of my mind. The way he looked, the way he felt when I touched him. His body was already cold.

He would never speak to me again. He would never yell at me or threaten me, he would never put us down again, he could never hurt Mellie again. That I was glad for.

He would never disgrace my mother's name again. He would never bring home another prostitute.

But I could never tell him I loved him again.

I hated my father more than I could ever explain, but I still loved him. I couldn't get past the fact that he was actually gone. I calmed down and saw the bathroom light was on, figuring Mellie was up. I took a deep breath and relaxed, setting the gun down and getting up to check on her. I walked to the door and saw her curled up in the floor against the wall by the porcelain sink, her tear stained cheeks still red. I immediately crouched down beside her, figuring something bad had happened.

My mind went in a million different directions, thinking the worst scenarios possible. I couldn't let anything happen to her. I couldn't lose her. She's all I have left.

"Mels, what's wrong?" I asked, tucking her soft hair behind her ear as she closed her eyes, wiping her tears.

"I just...had another bad dream about that night, is all," she whispered shakily. I sighed, not believing she dreamed about him too. Great minds think alike, I guess.

"I'm ok," she said, reassuring me as she rubbed her stomach. "The baby's woken up, but that's nothing new," she chuckled. I sat down beside her, my back against the cold wall, pulling her into my lap and wrapping my arms around her. I rested my hands on her stomach and she laid hers on top of mine, guiding me where to feel our baby move.

The second I felt it, I couldn't believe it. We had made a life, a child.

"You know," I said softly, "We end up sitting on the bathroom floor a lot. I always seem to find you here," I chuckled softly, resting my chin on her shoulder. She leaned her warm head against mine after kissing my cheek.

"I feel safe in here," she whispered. "It's small, it's quiet. I can lock the door. There's no windows. Shutting myself up in here feels good," she admitted quietly.

"I can't forget the noise he made, the way he enjoyed every bit of it...I don't care what he said, I never provoked him in any way," she said, tears coming to her eyes.

She _still_ felt the need to defend herself to me, and I knew then I hadn't done my job.

I hadn't shown her I was totally on her side and believed her, that I was ready to protect her no matter the consequence. I thought she knew, I thought I had proved it when I threatened to kill Jerry, when I let him know I was in charge, when I told her it was ok to tell Dr. Ryde about everything.

I felt as though she couldn't trust me, and that cut deep.

" _Mellie_ ," I said, choking on my words, tears in my eyes, "You don't have to prove yourself to me. I know you did everything in your power to stop him. He is a sick man. I know you didn't do anything to provoke him. I promise I am _always_ on your side," I whispered, trying to make her understand this.

She turned around and saw the hurt in my eyes, but I saw a broken spirit, a woman with copious amounts of love and energy and strength stolen from her.

"I _hate_ him," she said, a tear rolling down her cheek. She picked up her phone off the cold tile floor and checked the time - 4:26 a.m.

I had to be at work two and a half hours. I thought about calling in sick to stay with her, but I used up all my days off and then some while we were Ben and Kelly's house. I hated leaving her like this. All alone, upset, angry, hurt. I hated thinking about it, but in the back of my mind, I always wondered if she had ever tried to hurt herself, or even worse...

She got up from my lap and slowly walked back into our bedroom, getting in the bed and crawling under the covers. She laid her head on the fluffy feather pillow, letting out a deep sigh, trying to fight off this depression and heartache.

I stood in the bathroom doorway, feeling my heart sink as I looked at my broken wife before me. She was doing so good healing, she was getting so much better. She was inching her way forward, but even the tiniest relapse seemed to set her back miles.

We still had a long way to go.

* * *

As I load up our bag in the truck to go to the hospital, I look at my watch - 8:12 a.m. - and decide it would be best to call Betty. I stood outside in the already hot August morning air and called her, hoping she was awake. We had already been up since 6:30, watching TV, just waiting.

"Hello?" She answered softly. She sounded like she was already awake.

"Hey Betty, it's Fitz," I answered.

"Fitz, it's so good to hear from you," she said, eating her breakfast. "How's Mellie?"

"I was actually calling about that. She just went into labor and I'm working on getting you on the next flight out here," I explained, searching for a flight on my computer. "Think you could do a 10:30 flight?"

"Of course I can for my babies," she said excitedly. "Let me get dressed and grab my bag and I'll be on my way. Can I talk to her?"

"Sure, let me just go back inside," I said, going back inside and finding Mellie on the couch, watching TV when I handed her the phone.

"It's your mom," I said, and her eyes lit up, a smile formed on her face. I smiled back and quickly went into my office to call Mike. He knew what needed to be done the rest of this week.

As soon as I heard Mellie's laugh from the other room, I was at ease. She never let her feelings show, but I know she was a little nervous about all of this, especially what her dad might do. She had never told him she was even pregnant and I know Betty didn't.

Hopefully he didn't know. I didn't want to have to deal with him, too.

* * *

It was about a month after we came home from Ben and Kelly's, exactly a month. I was sitting in the break room for my wing of the Capitol, trying to relax. My mind was going at full speed, still thinking about my father's death.

It felt like I was in this daze, like there was this fog all around me. I needed to get out of it. I had been in it for days. Exercising didn't help, reading, working more, nothing helped.

I was going to get out the only way I knew how.

I pulled out my phone and texted Ben, who was on my shift today instead of Mellie's. I got up slowly, speaking to everyone I passed in the hallway on the way back to my office. I unlocked the door and shut it behind myself quietly, closing the blinds. I sat down at my desk and sighed, hoping Ben would come see me soon.

I sat completely still for the next ten minutes, not looking at a single thing on my desk and hearing nothing until Ben opened the door. He came in and locked the door behind himself, then took his sunglasses off. He reached into his vest pockets and pulled their contents out, setting them in front of me.

"It's all they had, Chief," he said. "I didn't want to drive ten more minutes down the road-"

"It's fine," I said, taking a drink of the whiskey and opening the pack of cigarettes lying before me. I pulled one out and grabbed a spare lighter out of my desk drawer, lighting it and immediately feeling more at ease. It wasn't weed, but it would do.

I threw the cigarettes and lighter to Ben and he didn't hesitate to light up. He only occasionally smoked, and half the time that ended up being with me. He knew not to turn one down when he was offered.

After finishing the small bottle of whiskey and four cigarettes later, I was feeling much better. Everything was clearer with a numb mind and heart. Ben hung around for the next hour as we just sat there, saying nothing.

I didn't really miss my father. Why would someone who was such an ass to everyone ever be missed?


	9. I Need You The Most

**A/N:** Finally a little fun happens for Fitz and Mellie. Thank you so much for reading and please feel free to leave a review!

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

We sat on the back patio by the fire pit one cool Tuesday night in May, curled up on the wicker furniture. I had my arm around her, stroking her long hair as she scrolled through her texts, answering Jade back from all her messages she sent earlier.

"You excited for the party tomorrow?" I asked, excited for her. I hated little social parties - I was more of an all out guy myself - but she enjoyed them. She refused to let Jade call it a baby shower. Something about it made her feel old, she said.

"I guess," she shrugged. "We'll just have to get up early and get out to the mansion. I just don't want to be the center of attention," she finally confessed. I knew that's what it was this entire time. She hated having all eyes on her, no matter what the occasion.

"Mel, just try to enjoy it, ok? It's only a few of us. Just Jade and Kelly and a few ladies from the office who I insisted come. And the guys, of course," I said. I could tell by the look on her face she wasn't excited about unfamiliar people being there.

"It's only Hillary, Taylor, and Valerie. You know them. They said they wouldn't miss it for the world and were mega excited," I smiled. "It'll be fine. It's only from one to four. And Jade said I'm not allowed to bring you out there until twelve thirty, so you don't have to get up early."

A small smile appeared on her face as she sat on my lap, just wanting to feel closer. I wouldn't have dared turned her away. I had needed this for a while, too.

I felt my phone buzz in my back pocket and tried not to grin. I knew it was my ticket confirmation for our flight and suites at The Venetian in Las Vegas. I was determined our last big getaway before we became parents was going to go out with a bang.

I had seen too many relationships, too many of my friends' lives crushed by this game they call politics. I knew the cards I had been dealt gave me both advantages and disadvantages, but I refused to let us crumble, I refused to let us lose this game. That's one of the reasons I planned this trip, to let us get away and recharge. Our name was still being thrown around, more rumors being started every day. I prayed it would die down soon.

* * *

I sat in a chair across the living room from her, watching from a distance as the ladies around her handed her gifts to open. They were all on the couch by the fireplace, and the guys were hanging around me, watching. We had all played "the cutest game I found on Pinterest", according to Hillary, ate plenty of finger foods, and were surrounded by pink baby decorations. I enjoyed it, mainly because I saw her at ease, enjoying herself.

Her eyes lit up with every gift, realizing how blessed we truly were, despite our small social circle and our pasts. We knew God had us on the right path.

But in less than an hour, the party was over, and everyone had gone home except Jade. The funniest sight was seeing her round up the guys and get them to help her clean everything up. I finished moving the last of the gifts to the furnished nursery and found them all in the kitchen, sitting around the island, finishing off the last of the desserts. Jade caught a glimpse of the look in my eyes as I approached and knew I was ready.

"Hey, I almost forgot, there's one more present to give you," she said to Mellie, digging in her pockets and through her purse looking for it.

"Hey Fitz, do you have it?" Jade questioned. Mellie quickly turned around and saw me behind her with a gold box in my hand.

"I do," I said, looking into Mellie's blue eyes slowly.

"What is this?" She asked me as I handed it to her, hoping she would like it. She had liked all of our previous getaways, and Vegas was something new.

"Just open it," Jade smiled, seeing the guys trying to hold back their anticipation and excitement.

She opened it, setting the lid on the marble counter, picking up a plane ticket and note attached to it, reading it silently.

"We're...we're going to Vegas?" She asked excitedly, looking at me. I nodded with a huge smile and she squealed.

"All of us are," I said, getting a cheer from the guys. "I booked it last week. Our flight leaves Thursday morning at seven. I figured we could all use a weekend away, and Kelly and Jade are coming too. You'll see the rest of the gift when you get there," I smiled, giving her a kiss.

She hugged me tightly and I saw Jade grab her phone and look at the time.

"Mel, it's 4:30, we gotta go," she said hurriedly. Mellie quickly let go and grabbed her phone and purse.

"Go where?" I asked, wondering what the rush was.

"To find her a new outfit. She has a date tonight," she said quietly, kissing me before following her friend out the door with Chris and Lance behind them.

Ben and I stood there, wondering what this was all about as we looked around. The mansion was still clean even after the party, and we decided to lock up and head back to the house.

We had to pack for four days of fun.

* * *

"You went too soon," I cried, kneeling on my mother's grave a few days after her funeral. My pants were filthy, covered in the fresh soil.

My heart was heavy, and it felt like it was sinking all the way into my stomach. It was late, around ten or eleven that night when I had left. I didn't tell anyone at the house I was leaving.

I pulled a few tea candles out of my pocket and set them by her wilting flowers, lighting them slowly. My tears fell around them, almost falling into one.

I was at a loss for words. I just wanted her here with me again. I didn't understand why God would take her now. Why did He allow that drunk driver to crash his car into her, why did He let her die and let him live?

I didn't know what I would do without her. I had to go back to SEAL training in a few days. I hated the thought, but I knew she wouldn't want me to give up. She would say I had gotten too far to give everything up now.

I had no one now.

My father had never cared about me, and never really cared much about my mother either. But he had his own way of dealing with grief, and it was drinking his sorrows away.

I sat there for probably an hour, talking quietly, knowing she was listening. My eyes began to feel heavy, and I felt even more depressed than I had before. My thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the slam of a car door, and I turned around, seeing a shadow walk towards me. I turned back around, wondering who was here and if it was a cop trying to throw me out for being here so late.

I heard quiet footsteps getting closer and closer, then a soft-spoken voice.

"Fitz."

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder as she knelt beside me.

I felt Mellie beside me.

She pulled me into her arms and let me cry in front of her for as long as I needed to. She said comforting things to me, despite all of her own problems at the time. My mother loved her, and that made my entire world.

I still had Mellie.


	10. Half Past Five

**A/N:** The Vegas trip has official begun. There'll be more of it in another chapter, I promise. I apologize for being slow on the update. Please feel free to share and leave a review!

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

I had my usual playlist going as I tried to sleep on the flight to Vegas early that morning. I refused to use my father's oversized personal jet and opted for booking something smaller for the seven of us. Flying commercial was not an option - the guys wouldn't allow it for security purposes and I didn't want to be seen publicly any more than I had to. I wanted everyone to shut up and leave us alone. Jackson decided it was best I didn't address any rumors after the Darren Lewis interview. All I said was it was very sad about my father's death and the baby was fine. When Darren asked me about the assault, I quickly turned it all around on him and ignored the question. I was a smart aleck, I'll admit it. But why should anything my wife's rape be public? Why should the whole world know her business? Her world was already disrupted enough by it.

Needless to say, Jackson wasn't very happy with me then.

I looked across from me after I figured out I wasn't going to sleep any time soon and saw Mellie and Jade with their noses in her iPad, laughing over the latest episode of TMZ. On the couch, Ben had Kelly in his arms, and behind me, Chris and Lance were asleep.

I was just ready to be there, get the keys to the suite, and lock us up for a night. I figured we would go sight seeing today, go back and play some tables that night. I got tickets to see The Weeknd Friday night since he was in town. She had fallen in love with his music almost a year ago, and I had wanted to take her to a show but never got the chance until now. Saturday was her day - we were doing whatever she wanted to do. But that night, that night would be mine. And I already had everything planned out.

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, hoping to nap the rest of the way there.

* * *

As we pulled up in our rental cars and parked at The Venetian, the roaring of the strip traffic seemed to get quiet as the ringing of slot machines got louder. We carried our bags inside and I walked up to the check-in counter, getting our keys and paying for the first night. The manager quickly recognized me and offered us extra security free of charge. I declined, but said I would let him know if we needed it. I thanked him and threw the guys' keys to them and gave Jade hers, then picked up mine and Mellie's bags.

"Let's go check it out," I said with a smile, heading across the busy lobby towards the elevator. The bright red and gold carpet was a bit much, but the sounds and sight of the slots and tables had me ready to let loose.

We rode up to the 26th floor and got off, looking for our suites. We were all in awe of the interior design - it was beautiful. The Italian theme really fit well and I knew the suites would be amazing. We walked down the hall and found our rooms, all four suites next to each other. We all agreed to unpack a little and get going again in an hour or so.

I unlocked our door slowly and let Mellie in, and I quickly shut the door behind myself. I set our bags down by the couch and followed her into the bedroom.

"Fitz, this is simply _amazing_ ," she said with a smile as she took off her sunglasses and set them on the imported wooden dresser. "This is too much."

"I don't want to hear a thing about money, ok? This is for all of us, but especially for you. I wanted to get you away from there for a little while. I want you to enjoy yourself, because this might be the last time we get to do this for a while," I hugged her, giving her a slow kiss.

"You got that right," she said, hugging me tightly before going over to look out the window. The view of the city was breathtaking, and I knew it would be even better at night.

"So what's the plan for today?" She asked, lying on the king sized bed covered in a white, plushy down comforter and huge white pillows.

"I was thinking we could go get some lunch, then do a little bit of sightseeing, maybe come back and go to the casino," I said, laying beside her. "Anything specific you want to do?

"I want to get out by the pool, if we get the chance today," she told me. I would call the manager, get some more security in on them, and make sure it was on our list of things to do.

"Then that's what we'll do," I said assuringly, holding her hand and kissing her forehead. I pulled out my phone and texted the guys and Jade the plan. Everyone was excited and ready to go eat and start our adventures.

I heard a knock on our door and found it was Jade, and I quickly let her in.

"I found the perfect place for lunch and the spa downstairs has a great deal on a package and Kelly said she was up for it and this place on the strip-"

"Jade, slow down a little," I laughed, letting her inside. She immediately went and sat down beside Mellie and tell her all about it, and I went to go check out the fancy bathroom.

I walked inside and saw a large jacuzzi tub with a mirror beside it, a beautiful vanity that she would love, and a white marble shower. The toilet was in its own closed off section and the double sinks were great. I hoped we would get to use the jacuzzi before we left.

I walked out and into the kitchenette, going through the fridge to find some water when I just grabbed a glass out of the cabinet and got some water. The mini bar was amazing and I was sure I would get into it later. I heard the guys and Kelly knock on our door, and they were all ready to go explore the busy city. I grabbed my sunglasses and some water, then followed everyone out the door.

* * *

By 3:45 that afternoon, we had eaten gourmet sandwiches at a small family owned diner, done some shopping along the strip, laughed at some character impersonators, visited a museum, taken a bus tour of the city, and taken lots of pictures with people who had recognized us. Everyone had been really nice, which relieved all of us.

We got back to the hotel and all went to look at the main pool. We walked out and found it almost empty, which was a surprise. It was huge, and had palm trees at the edges and beautiful cabanas at the water's edge. Chris and Lance still wanted to go the casino, but me and Ben decided to go hang out at the pool with the girls. We went upstairs and changed into our swimsuits, and I couldn't help myself. Mellie looked gorgeous in the new white bikini she had bought online a few weeks ago. She got the matching netted robe, which I didn't like as much, but she did. She put her hair up and sunglasses on and we waited on Jade in the hallway with Ben and Kelly.

We went downstairs and grabbed a few chairs by the pool. I was looking around the entire time, making sure I didn't see any cameras. Ben could tell I was nervous and nudged my arm.

"Relax, man," he said, seeing a pool attendant coming around with drinks. He stopped him and got two beers off his tray, then handed him his card. He handed me a beer and I sighed. I was also self-conscious about my foot. I had a wrap I put around my ankle where the prosthesis went on, and makeup around it to blend it in. It looked like a real foot, but I was still nervous someone would notice and mention it.

"I told you don't worry about it. I've kept an eye out. If you're really worried about it, call security," he told me, taking a drink of his beer. The attendant brought his card back minutes later and I quickly finished my beer, trying to relax. It was vacation, I was supposed to have a good time. I looked over and saw Mellie, Jade, and Kelly enjoying themselves, and I was immediately more at ease. I closed my eyes and felt my body sink into the cushiony chair, and quickly fell asleep.

"Fitz, wake up. It's time for dinner," I heard Mellie say as she stroked my hand. I took off my sunglasses and saw her and Jade waiting on me to get up.

"Sorry, I fell asleep. What time is it?" I asked groggily, standing up and going back inside to the elevator with them. I figured it was around five thirty or six.

"Seven. You gotta hurry up and get dressed. Nothing fancy, it's just the buffet," Jade said.

Mellie held my hand all the way to our suite and we got dressed for dinner. I was the luckiest man in the world.


	11. You've Heard My Name

**A/N:** I didn't want to wait to post this chapter. Just a tiny look into their law school days. I hope you enjoy and feel free to review.

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

I casually strolled through the Yale library one warm March afternoon, knowing she would be in there. Every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday after class, she was here looking for books needed to help build her cases for in class and her internship.

It was a Tuesday, and that meant she would be on the second floor in the science section. She was working on an environmental case for the company she was doing her internship at, and she wanted to prove her skills. I was pleasantly surprised at the fact that a first year already had an internship, but I knew she was full of surprises.

I took a seat at one of the desks near the ecology books and pulled a book off a nearby shelf, pretending to read it when I saw her walk in.

 _Right on time_ , I thought as I looked at my watch - 2:15 p.m. I only looked out the corner of my eye, pretending to read this incredibly boring book about plant ecosystems and federal laws against harming them. I saw her grab a book off the shelf and scan through some more when I decided to get up. I walked back to where I got my book, and looked where to put it back when she spoke.

"You need some help there?" She asked with a smirk, and I tried not to laugh as I put the book back in its correct spot.

"I'm good, but thanks," I said back. "Mellie, right?"

"And you're Fitz, the pretty rich boy whose father is the governor of Texas and drives a Mercedes," she shot back.

"Well you seem to know an awful lot about me, so why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?" I smiled, moving a few steps closer to her. I noticed her pretty navy blue shoes and slimming gray suit, and even her reading glasses on top of her perfectly pulled up brown curls atop her head.

"This is a library, you're supposed to be quiet," she whispered with a smile, walking away and going to the next aisle to find her other book. I followed on her heels and I could feel her eye roll without turning around.

"Then why don't we go somewhere more... _social_?" I said, looking around and seeing no one nearby. She sighed quietly and grabbed another book off the shelf.

"I don't have time for any games, Fitzgerald. I'm very busy, so whatever you're getting at, please just say it," she said, looking me dead in the eyes. I was putty in her hands after I heard her say my name. It was so _sexy_ the way she said it.

"Would you like to go to dinner tonight?" I asked, my heart beating fast while I waited for her answer. Did I really just ask a first year out to dinner?

"Fine," she said, walking towards the stairs, killing me trying to play hard to get. She went down the stairs and checked out her books, then walked out the front glass door of the library and started down the sidewalk. She walked faster than anyone I knew.

"I'll pick you up at-"

"Seven. You get an hour and a half, two hours max. Helen Hadley, I'll be outside. Casual dress," she said, walking away. I stood there, dumbfounded. She was going to be some work, but I wanted her bad.

* * *

I pulled up outside of her dorm, which surprised me. I pegged her as more of the lavish apartment type, but maybe the graduate dorms were that nice. Who knows.

I saw a few girls on the front sidewalk talking and giving me a few looks, then immediately turning their attention to Mellie as she walked down the front steps in dark blue jeans and a nice gray ruffled shirt. Her hair was down, which was unusual, and it was beautiful. I couldn't help but look her over again as she got in the passenger seat and I drove away, giving the group of girls a look, letting them know I would soon be taken.

"You look...beautiful tonight," I said as I drove off campus.

"Thank you," she blushed, and I could tell she was a little uncomfortable. "You look nice too."

I looked down at my khakis and blue striped button down and matching blue tie. I had the sleeves rolled up already and felt overdressed compared to her.

"So where are we going?" She asked, seeming like her thoughts were elsewhere, like she was ready to be done with this date before it even started.

"How about you relax a little and wait and see?" I smiled, wishing she would let loose for a night. I heard she was always studying and rarely went out, so I knew my time tonight with her was precious.

I drove up to this fancy little hole in the wall restaurant I had found in my second year, and I parked near the door. I got out and opened her door, escorting her inside.

"Fitz, this place is amazing," she whispered as we sat down, noticing the interior brick walls and antique dimmed lights. The waitress handed us some menus and I smiled, hoping Mellie was enjoying herself. I looked over the wine menu and noticed her studying the menu carefully.

"Would you like a drink?" I offered, glancing over the menu.

"No thank you, I don't drink," she declined my offer politely and I sighed softly.

"You don't drink or you won't drink?" I jokingly asked. "Come on, at least let me pick you out a nice glass of wine."

"One glass," she smiled, giving me a playful look. "What are you thinking about getting?"

"I was looking at the steak. You?"

"The grilled chicken," she said, putting her menu down.

"With the house sauce and asparagus? It's amazing," I said, seeing the waitress coming back. I ordered two glasses of my favorite wine and ordered for us, then was hoping she would talk a little.

"So, you never told me about yourself," I said, taking a sip of my wine.

"What do you want to know?" She asked sheepishly.

"I don't know, where are you from, what you want to do in life, whatever you want to tell me," I tried to put her at ease. She picked up her glass and tasted the wine, closing her gray eyeshadow covered lids.

"This wine is delicious," she said happily. "It's sweet and smooth. Where did you find out about it?"

"My mom. Whenever we host a party, my dad prefers the hard liquor. My mom always keeps a couple of bottles of this in the house," I laughed. "She's more of a mixed drinks and wine person."

"Smart lady," Mellie smiled. "About me...where should I start?" She sighed.

"I'm from Asheville. My mom is a lawyer, my dad is the CEO of a tech company based there. I majored in business management, minored in nutrition. I drive an Altima, not a Mercedes," she joked. "What else?"

"What's your favorite color?" I asked. I just wanted to know something that simple.

"Purple," she said. "Yours is...blue, I'm guessing."

"You're good," I smiled.

We talked throughout the whole dinner about home, school, friends, you name it. It was one of the best nights of my life. I could tell she was finally loosening up some, which put me at ease.

She was so much different than I imagined. I knew she was a classy, intelligent woman, but I didn't know she was this much fun. She made me laugh countless times and had stories of a few wild parties from undergrad. But I knew behind those blue eyes, there was something else holding part of her back. I just didn't know what it was.

We left shortly after we finished eating and paid, and as soon as I got near campus, she got restless.

"Don't go back. Not yet," she begged. "I just have piles of papers to go over and homework and I'm dreading it," she sighed.

"I could help you with it," I offered.

"Don't you have a job to get to or your own work to do?" She questioned as I drove around the block.

"I work summers at a large firm in Texas. I internship at a local firm here Mondays through Thursdays, and I finished my case right before I picked you up. I don't mind helping you out," I said honestly, but I could tell she wasn't exactly open to the idea. "I know you could find something I could help you do."

"Fine. But you're out of here by midnight, understood?" She gave me a serious look.

"One," I shot back with a grin.

"Twelve thirty," she compromised as I pulled back onto campus and took the last free spot in front of her dorm.

"Deal," I smiled, seeing a few girls from earlier sitting outside again, taking it all in. I left my sunglasses on, not wanting to leave them in the car. I walked around and opened her door for her, then put my arm around her waist as we walked to the door. They kept on looking and I nodded at them.

"Evening, ladies," I smirked, and they were in disbelief that a guy like me would go for Mellie before one of them.

Mellie was a hundred times better than any of them.

We took the elevator to her room on the fourth floor and I followed her down the hall, nervous as she unlocked the wooden door. I was hoping if she had a roommate, she wasn't there right now.

"Thank God," she said under her breath. "She probably won't be back tonight. She usually doesn't tell me where she goes or when she'll come back," Mellie laughed nervously. We walked inside and I looked around the typical dorm room, glad I had my own apartment. I stood by her closet until she sat on the bed and grabbed her books and files.

"Make yourself at home, stranger," she smiled, handing me a notebook to write on. I sat on her bed beside her and propped my feet up, trying to get comfortable to do work. I looked at my watch - 8:47 - and got to work.

She moved closer and closer to me the entire night, and I finally put my arm around her. I could feel that she had finally relaxed, and I wanted to kiss her so badly right then. I wanted to make her mine. But I couldn't rush this and risk pushing her away. She was worth too much for that.

We worked until one thirty and realized what time it was, shocked it was that late.

"How is it already one thirty?" She sighed, sounded upset. "I was so close to being caught up. And I have a class at nine."

"Just finish it first thing tomorrow and I can come back and help with the new stuff," I said, getting up off her bed and putting my shoes on.

"Don't neglect your work just to help me."

"I'm not, I promise. I'll call you before I come over. What's your number?" I asked, opening my flip phone to add her in my contacts.

"Real smooth," she laughed before giving me her number. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course. I had a really nice time tonight, Mellie," I admitted, heading towards the door to leave.

"So did I. Thank you, Fitz. We should do it again sometime," she smiled. "Good night."

"Good night," I said as I left her dorm and headed back to my apartment.

I wondered if it was possible to already be in love after one date.


	12. Adaptation

**A/N:** Here's the rest of the Vegas trip. Thanks for reading and leave a review if you want.

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

The guys had flipped a coin, and the loser was going with us to the concert Friday night while the others stayed behind with Jade and Kelly to do whatever they pleased. Mellie and I had begun watching TV around five and she fell asleep, but I figured she knew I had something planned for tonight. Here it was 7:45 and she was still asleep. I heard a quiet knock on the door and knew it was the loser of the coin toss. I opened the door and smiled upon seeing Chris standing in the doorway, looking defeated.

"How nice of you to join us tonight, Chris," I smirked, getting a punch in the arm from him and a laugh. I went and woke Mellie up, then went over to her suitcase to pick her out a shirt to wear.

"Here," I said, handing her a nice purple shirt I found, "We're going out somewhere."

"Where are we going at this time of night?" She asked, getting up and brushing her hair and making sure her makeup was ok. "And with Chris?" She said, seeing him near the door, wearing gray jeans and a black v-neck.

"You'll see when we get there. Just be ready in ten minutes, ok?" I said, getting a sneaky smile out of her.

She went into the bathroom and came out five minutes later, looking amazing. She put on her gray flats and grabbed her phone and looked over at me.

"Do I need a purse where we're going?" She asked, digging through her wallet for her ID.

"Nope. Just yourself," I said.

"Well then, I'm ready. Let's go wherever we're going," she said, taking my hand and going down to the rental car with us.

* * *

We pulled up to the hotel where the concert was, and I checked my watch - 8:12. We were good since doors opened at 8:30 and the show started at nine. I saw no signs on the way here, but I knew once we got inside it would be obvious. Chris parked the car and I told them to stay there while I went inside real quick. I spoke with an event staffer and they instructed we just take the elevator to the top floor, then we would be instructed to the rooftop.

I went back out to the car and got them, then went inside, trying to keep Mellie's attention from the sign by the front desk advertising for the show. I could see the curiosity on her face as we got in the elevator, and I hoped she would like this. There were only two hundred tickets on sale for this show, and the fact it was a rooftop show made it even cooler.

"Do I get to know now?" She asked me with a grin.

"You'll see when we get there," I smiled as I reminded her. "Be patient."

She groaned playfully as we approached the top floor and got out, seeing a huge sign that read "The Weeknd/9p/doors 8:30p" and pointed down the hall. She looked over at me and gasped, not believing this.

"No you didn't," she said in shock, her mouth falling open. "Are you serious right now?"

"Dead serious," I said, pulling the tickets out of my pocket. She hugged me tightly and got more excited as we approached the guard and ticket handler at the rooftop access door. We got in line and showed them our tickets, and they let us in since it was already 8:35.

I was amazed when we got up the flight of stairs and onto the roof. There was a bartender with a small table set up at one end and the stage and lights at the other. The night sky was beautiful up here, and the skyline was even more gorgeous than it was from our suite. She squeezed my hand and we got as close to the stage as she wanted and waited while we watched more people come up.

"Fitz, this is...awesome. I've never been to a rooftop party, and much less one with a concert," she smiled. "I didn't realize you paid attention to what I listened to."

"Of course I do, I listen to your playlist sometimes too," I admitted. We waited patiently for the next half hour and I was surprised how timely everything was. They shut the doors exactly at nine and the show started at 9:10.

As the voice of the man behind The Weeknd filled the cool night air and the beats blared through the speakers, I looked over and saw Mellie fully enjoying herself. I don't think she realized we were now part of a small crowd or the amount of cell phone cameras around. She was happy in the moment, and I was glad for it.

* * *

Saturday night after the live show downstairs and playing some slots, we turned in around ten, wanting to just relax. She had gone with Jade and Kelly that morning to the spa while me and the guys went out to town to explore. I felt like she was in a pretty good mood, and I wanted tonight to be as close to perfect as possible. I had given her little compliments all evening and stayed close to her, kissing her and rubbing her legs every chance I got. She knew where I was headed, and I hoped it would end well. Mellie sat on the couch and I went into the bedroom, lighting a few vanilla candles around the room and dimming the lights. I opened the balcony door to let the soft breeze and city lights in before I left the room. I came back and sat on the soft white ottoman, rubbing her feet. She looked amazing in her white shorts and red striped sleeveless blouse; it was hard to resist her.

"That feels amazing," she said, closing her eyes and leaning her head back. "The spa this morning was great. One of the best masseuses I've ever been to."

"That's good to hear," I said happily. I just needed to seal the deal, get her a little closer to the edge.

My hands moved slowly up her smooth legs to her hips, and I stood up above her, looking into her beautiful eyes. I could see the approval, the relaxation she felt. I kissed her lips slowly, my hands resting on the back of the couch to hold myself up. I made my way to her neck and I felt her muscles tighten as she stood up and wrapped her arms around me.

She got my t-shirt off as we inched our way to the plush king sized bed, her fingers on my bare back feeling amazing. We quickly got undressed and she had a playful look in her eyes as she pulled my body against hers and ran her hands down my entire torso. The blaring music from a party above us spilled into the room, and the bass was just intense enough to make the walls vibrate. She pushed me backwards and onto the bed, and I knew she wanted control for the night. And she would get it - at least for a little while. I tried not to let on that I enjoyed it, but I figured she knew by now.

I was glad the bedroom wasn't close to the joining wall of the guys' suite, because they would give me hell for how loud we were. I hoped they didn't hear us, but I really didn't care about them right then. I was only focused on Mellie.

As our bodies became one that night, I remembered the very first time we had sex. It was the third night of our honeymoon, and she had led me on a little all day. We came back to the hotel and I simply asked her if she was ready for this new step in our relationship. She assured me she was, and I was relieved. I wasn't going to pressure her into anything, but I had been waiting for this moment ever since our relationship became serious. We made love for the first time, and it was amazing to get on this level with her. It was a new experience for both of us, to feel this close, to feel completely like one for the first time.

I felt that again, and it was the best feeling in the world to me.


	13. When I Wake Up

**A/N:** Another look into Mellie's thoughts. Reviews of all kinds are greatly appreciated, and I hope you enjoy. Also, most of the chapters' titles are song lyrics and meant to somewhat go with the theme of the chapter or just the feeling of it in general. It's usually something I listen to while writing or editing the chapter. If you're curious about the songs and want the list, ask in a comment or send me a message. The song that goes with this chapter is Afraid by The Neighbourhood.

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

I was lying in my bed, trying to go to sleep, when all I heard were gunshots, over and over. All I could see were kids running in the dirt streets, afraid for their lives, and adults pointing weapons back at us. Some ran drug rings, others murdered, a lot were sex traffickers.

I couldn't get the image out of my head. All I could see was me and Warren getting in that truck and riding down the road. What's worse, is now I _knew_ we were going to get blown up, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Right before we got to the bomb, I remember looking over at him and laughing about something. I couldn't remember what he had told me that was so funny, and that really bothered me.

It was all over with one loud _boom_.

I sat straight up in our bed, trying to catch my breath and come back to reality.

 _It was only a dream._ It was all in the past. That was years ago.

For some reason, the PTSD had gotten worse again lately. I guess I was still worried about all of our personal life coming out and work. I knew Mellie was concerned about me. She had mentioned me going to my counselor at the VA twice already, but I said I was fine.

I wasn't.

I wasn't going to do anything irrational. I wasn't suicidal. I just wanted the dreams to stop, for the guilt to go away, because I knew I had done everything I could to try and save my friend's life. I wanted to simply feel better. I was stressed out, and I needed these old worries to go away.

The clock said 6:07, and I knew I was already going to be late for work. I wondered where Mellie was this time of morning, unless she planned to go in with me and was already ready. She came in at least three or four days a week now, but usually arrived around eight and left around three or four.

I got up and took a quick shower, then put on a nice suit, wanting to mix it up, and a dab of cologne and hair gel. I grabbed my wallet, keys, and phone, and went into the kitchen to grab a quick bite. I saw the back door open and Mellie on the patio, talking with Lance. I had gotten the guys in the routine of just meeting me at work recently and only whoever's on house duty for the day to come out here in the morning. I grabbed a banana nut muffin and fixed a cup of coffee, then reached into the cabinet. I pulled out a half full bottle of whiskey and took a few drinks, put it back, and grabbed my food. I walked to the patio and they stopped talking when I came out, which surprised me a little.

"I gotta go baby, I'm already late. You coming in today?" I asked, giving her a kiss.

"I don't know, I might. Have a good day," she told me, watching me walk back into the house, grab my bag, and walk out the front door. I couldn't hear her sigh, but I could feel her disappointment. Disappointment in the fact that she felt like I was always rushing around and rarely slowed down. I felt it too, but I did it to try and hold what was left of our private life together, to give us and our daughter a future free of gossip, free of the lies, free of our past.

I needed to learn to slow down and appreciate her more.

* * *

Two days later, on Friday, I went in at seven and planned to leave at two. I had scheduled an appointment with my counselor at the VA that afternoon, hoping it would help with the PTSD. Ben was going with me, but he had taken house duty that morning and was bringing some street clothes for me later.

Mellie didn't come in Friday, which was odd. Her missing three days in a row wasn't like her, and I knew something was up. I decided I would ask her about it tonight when I got home, but I called Ben around nine to just keep an eye out for anything unusual.

He quickly ended our phone call when he said she was calling him on the other line. Turns out, she just needed him to fix a leak in the kitchen sink. He came in the house a few minutes later with a black bag full of tools and went to work.

"I'm kinda surprised you're here today," Ben said, lying under the sink cabinets, making sure the pipes were sealed good. "I figured you would've gone in after taking a few days off."

"I was going to, but...anyway, it's not important," she sighed. "Do you think you can fix it?" She asked, leaning against the island in my rolled up sweatpants and a black t-shirt.

"Oh yeah, I just need to patch this little hole and tighten the faucet handles," he explained, reaching into his bag to get his caulking gun out. "And it is important if something's upsetting you," he grunted, trying to get in a good position to fill the hole.

"It's nothing, ok?" Mellie lied to him. It had been a while since she dreamed about Jerry, but it was a double whammy this morning with Jerry and her father. She remembered that night every now and then recently, but had only said something about it to me once.

She started a fresh pot of coffee and pulled out a black skillet from the cabinet.

"You staying for breakfast?" She asked him as he came out from under the wooden cabinet with his tools.

"Sure," he said reluctantly, going to fix the faucet handles.

"How do you like your eggs?" She asked, going through the fridge for milk and eggs.

"However you make em is fine, I'll eat it," he smiled, grabbing a wrench. He wanted to get that information out of her. He wanted her to go get help, but knew that would be a long shot.

By the time he fixed the faucet, she had the pancakes, bacon, and eggs ready and was getting a cup of coffee for him.

"Damn, Mels, you didn't have to do all this," he sighed. "What's the occasion?"

"No occasion. We do this every weekend," she explained, handing him a plate and sitting at the island with him. "Every Saturday for the past six years," she sighed, twisting her wedding ring around, wishing Fitz was here. "Since we got serious."

His eyes met hers and she was afraid he knew her thoughts. He was the only one of the guys who had learned to read her well.

He knew she was trying to numb the pain. He knew Fitz and Mellie a lot better than the guys. He knew she was a lot better now than she was three months ago, but she still had a few bad days. He knew Fitz wished he could stay home more than anything in the world, but he had to lead this state and make money to pay the bills. Sure, they both came from wealthy families, but ever since she married Fitz, he knew she was more cautious about money and put a lot of back in their savings. Jerry had hired Ben five years ago when they got married, when he was still in school. Ben learned on his first day not to mention a man by the name of Sam around Mellie, who he later learned to be her father.

"This is really good," he said, taking a bite. "Thanks for making it."

"No big deal," she replied, tucking her hair behind her ear and eating some pancakes. "So you and Fitz are going to the VA today?" She asked, just trying to make conversation and change the subject.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "He keeps dreaming about Kosovo and is just stressed out. He just wanted to go talk with his counselor for a minute."

"Undercover?"

"Yeah. Both of us. He said if something else comes out in the tabloids, he'll..." Ben sighed. "He just wants to protect you. And what's left of your personal lives."

"I know," she sighed sadly. "He's...he's doing a good job, he is." She wiped her eyes quickly and finished her food.

"Mellie..."

"I'm fine, Ben," she said, putting her plate in the sink and began cleaning up the kitchen. He put his fork down and stood up, wanting to comfort her. He walked towards her and she backed away.

"Mellie, listen to me-"

"I said I was _fine_ , Ben! Just leave me alone," she said, trying to keep it together as she walked into their bedroom. He followed her, right on her heels, only to get the bathroom door slammed in his face.

" _Mellie_ -" He slammed his fist against the wooden door, hearing a cracking sound. "Mellie, I just want you to talk to me."

She sat on the bathroom floor by the sink, holding her knees as tears rolled down her face. She didn't want to talk about this, not with Ben. He would try and make her see the therapist again when all the therapist will tell her is time heals all wounds and put her on an antidepressant.

"About what?" She yelled, slamming her palm on the door.

"About what's bothering you," he said, taking off his radio, gun, and badge and leaving them on the bed. "Don't give me any crap about how you're fine because something is eating away at you, Mellie, and I hate seeing you upset. You hide it from Fitz sometimes, but he knows when you're hurting more often than you think he does."

"Damn it, Ben, I'm not talking about this with you!" She yelled, wiping her eyes and wishing she hadn't left her phone on the charger in the kitchen. She would call Fitz if she had it and tell him to come home and handle Ben.

"Why? Because it's about Sam? Is that it?" He asked, leaning against the door. He didn't get a reply and heard her heavy breathing through the door, and his heart sank.

"Please open the door," he said calmly, knowing he needed to handle this gently. "I know about him, ok? So just tell me what's happened and then we'll go about our day."

He heard the lock click on the doorknob and the door opened slowly, and he stepped in and found her in her usual spot on the floor. He knelt down beside her and she stared him dead in the eyes, and he knew she meant business.

"Don't you _ever_ mention his fucking name around me again," she growled, her voice breaking. He tried to get closer and she pushed him away, moving closer to the bathtub. He sat by the door and the sink and sighed quietly, knowing this might take a while.

"How the hell do you know about him?" She asked, pulling herself together and wanting answers.

"Jerry briefed me on both of you when he hired me," he explained. "I know about your families, your medical histories, your allergies, a list of everywhere you went in the past year, and some stupid stuff, including...things not to mention," he sighed.

Mellie couldn't believe how much he knew, and she wondered if Fitz knew about it.

"Damn it," she whispered quietly. "What else do you know? What's my favorite color? Do you watch us when we sleep?"

"No, we don't. I'm assuming your favorite color is purple, because you have a lot of purple shirts and a purple rug in here," he smiled. "Look, we give y'all space, but we interfere when we need to, and clearly right now, I need to," he sighed.

"You're not going to leave until I talk, are you?" She asked, looking in his eyes. He shook his head no and she sighed, leaning back against the white bathtub.

"It was just another dream last night," she started. "Every now and then, I have recurring dreams of the night when Jerry assaulted me. Fitz usually knows about them, but I didn't tell him about it this morning. I also didn't tell him that I dreamed about the night my father kicked me out and never spoke to me again," she shuddered, hating to even have to think about him. She hoped to never see him again in her life.

"That's all it is," she said. "I just...when it happens, a switch just turns on and I shut everyone out for a while. I shut down. I can't help it. I've tried not to. I'm just afraid that…one day I'll wake up and won't be able to cope with this, and…" She sighed, shaking her head in shame.

He nodded and said nothing, trying to process this, how she could be feeling, how these events messed with her mind. They sat in silence for a few minutes until she looked back at him again.

"Did you know? The night it happened, I mean?" She asked quietly. His heart stopped for a second and he dropped his head, shocked at her question.

"No," he whispered. "None of us knew. Chris and I were outside, making sure everything was ok before we went home for the night. Lance was off that night. All I remember from the next day was Jerry acted kind of...jumpy. I could tell he had been drinking all night, and every time we tried to talk to him, he got freaked out. I never made the connection until later."

"You had seven events over the next two weeks and Jerry was at every one of them. You put on a very good face in public and to Fitz. But when you got behind closed doors, alone, you just seemed like you were in this daze, like someone had drugged you. Like you were sick or depressed. I asked Fitz if he had noticed anything different, and he said you were probably just tired. That's when he told me y'all had been trying to get pregnant for a few months, so I brushed it off as that. Then I remember the morning he took you to the hospital and called me about it and I wanted to kill Jerry," Ben sighed, shaking his head in anger.

"I couldn't even begin to understand how Fitz felt. If someone had raped Kelly, I would've been in jail for killing them. I know he wanted Jerry dead, I know he tried to figure something out. But I'm glad he died the way he did," he said.

"Me too," Mellie admitted. "It was for the best. I hated not telling Fitz about it, but Jerry had threatened me a couple of times. He threatened to rape me again, he said, 'because it's not rape if you enjoy it, and I know you enjoyed it,' he said," she sobbed. Ben moved over beside her and took her into his warm arms.

"I'm glad he's not here to do that anymore. I was so scared when I told Fitz. I was especially afraid that she was Jerry's baby and not his. I was even more scared the morning we went to the hospital. We had been sitting by the fireplace and fell asleep, and I dreamed about Jerry. He woke me up, and I felt weird. My entire body ached, I was weak, everything in my abdomen hurt. Sharp pains would come and go and they moved lower quickly, and I knew it wasn't good. He first noticed the blood and made me lay down, and we both thought it was a miscarriage. I knew that's what had to be happening. I felt horrible. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of it. I was too weak to change clothes and I wouldn't let him help me because I felt like I was filthy, unworthy of seeing," she admitted, her heart sinking deeper into her stomach.

"Dr. Ryde did a rape kit as soon as we got there and she examined me. Fitz never would tell me anything about it except he wanted to go kill Jerry with his bare hands then. She knew I had been raped weeks earlier without me even telling her. Thank God it was just a tear from it, and that our daughter is Fitz's," she sighed with relief. "The worst part of Jerry's death and the investigators learning of the rape...the worst part was them questioning us."

She stopped talking and took a few deep breaths, trying to explain everything.

"It's ok," Ben whispered, keeping an arm around her shaking body.

"They asked me if Fitz had ever abused me, if he hurt or threatened me. They asked me if _my own husband had raped me_ , Ben," she said, shaking her head in disbelief. "We both told them exactly what happened, that we had no reason to lie about it. They finally closed the case after a month and believed us."

She stood up and wiped her eyes and sighed as he got up.

"I'm sorry about all this," she apologized, straightening her clothes out.

"It's not your fault, Mellie. Don't worry about it. Thank you for talking to me, though. It made me feel better," he smiled.

She smiled and gave him a hug, glad he was there, even if she didn't want to talk at first.

"Thanks," she said, following him out to the bedroom as he picked up his things off the bed and put them back on.

"Of course," he said, going back to the living room. "Thanks for breakfast. You need me to fix anything else?"

"I'm good, but don't tell Fitz he gets to clean the house when he gets home," she smiled. "Go on out there. He probably needs your help more than I do."

"Lance will be here at one, so call one of us if you need something before then," he said, grabbing his tool bag and going towards the front door. He opened it and stood in the doorway, letting the warm air and sunlight spill into the house. "And Mel, I'm always here if you need me."

"Thank you, Ben," she said gratefully.

She didn't want to admit it, but she felt like a weight was lifted off her chest after talking to him.

She ended up being glad he mentioned her father.


	14. Monster

**A/N:** A glimpse into Fitz's world, the good and the bad. I hope you enjoy and reviews are appreciated. Thanks for reading.

 **Song:** Monster by Imagine Dragons

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

We took the SUV out to the VA, and I was glad Ben brought me some different clothes to change into. I was much more comfortable in my khaki shorts, Cowboys t-shirt, Vans, cap, and sunglasses. Ben had his badge and gun concealed, a Kosovo cap of mine on, and his usual pair of sunglasses.

I parked as close to the door as I could, and we got out and went inside to the front desk. Ben always wanted me to bring my handicap decal with me, but I never did in official capacity. I didn't want to risk more people knowing about Kosovo than the few that did. Since it was a special mission and I was a SEAL, information about it was rarely released publicity and only parts of it were released.

I signed in and the nurse directed me to the third floor in the opposite wing. We made it there unnoticed, and signed in there and took a seat. The blue waiting room was about half full of veterans of all ages, young and old. I knew they had done much greater things and served longer than I had. I felt like my effort had been worthless.

Why had I even joined the Navy, I don't even remember. I think a lot of it had to do with proving to my father I could do better and be a better man than him. That I didn't need his help to get into Yale, I didn't need his help to get into the SEALs, that his money, while nice, was worthless to me. I think just having the Grant name got me in on a lot of things, out of hope my father would donate to whatever the cause was.

But as I continued training and met Warren, I realized the real reason I was there. To help protect my country's freedom.

"Mr. Grant?"

I looked up through my tinted sunglasses and saw the woman at the desk shoving a clipboard through the window opening. I got up and walked over to it, and read over the papers.

"It's just about policy agreement changes, and the general stuff how you'll be responsible for paying out of pocket if the insurance doesn't cover anything," she explained. "Can I see your driver's license and insurance please?"

"Of course," I sighed, pulling my wallet out and handing her the cards, then signing the papers. I was tired of being in and out of hospitals and doctor's offices for the past few months, constantly signing more paperwork and paying more money. I knew it was all for a good cause and to keep me and Mels healthy, but after this insurance not covering much, I was beginning to feel the effects of it. The bills now totaled out to over $40,000, and I was just trying to keep Mellie as far away from our bank statements as possible as I tried to quickly replenish what was taken out of our savings. I was still receiving money from my father's life insurance policy, which will cover the bills and then some so far. I just...I just don't want her to have to worry. About anything, but especially money. She had to worry about that for far too long. I want to give her the world.

"Could you please take off your glasses, Mr. Grant?" She asked nicely. I sighed and removed my glasses and lifted up my hat so she could see it was me. Not that my being governor meant much to this desk clerk. I just wanted to stay on the down low until I got behind closed doors with my counselor.

"Thank you," she said, handing me my cards back after entering the information needed into the computer. I went and sat back down beside Ben and I closed my eyes, knowing it might be a while.

I felt a vibrating in my jeans pocket that woke me an hour and a half later, and I realized it was someone calling my phone. I pulled it out and saw it was Jackson. I immediately ignored it and sent him an email, knowing that he probably was just trying to clear a few more interviews.

Seconds later a nurse called me back and lead us to a relaxing room with three comfortable brown leather couches and refreshments. I handed Ben my phone and said to only answer to the guys or Mellie - no one else. He put it in his jeans pocket and got a cup of water, then sat on a couch next to mine.

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, wishing for just a few minutes' sleep. As soon as I dozed off, I saw the man shooting at me again as I laid on the hot ground in Kosovo. I sat up, rubbing my eyes, tired of this. I was exhausted. Ben could feel it. I knew he could. All that went through my mind was Hailey. I wonder if seeing her would help with any of these feelings subside.

I was pulled back into reality when my counselor, Janice, came into the room and Ben and I stood up, giving me a look as she shook both of our hands. I was worried she wouldn't quite be the right fit as a therapist for me when we first met. Boy, was I wrong. She's been overseas four times and been through two bombings and four air raids, and more I can't even remember. She's been a great counselor.

"I'll be outside if you need me, sir," Ben said, nodding at both of us before stepping into the hall.

"It's been a while since I've seen you, Fitzgerald," she said softly, sitting down on the couch beside mine. I looked her over and she was wearing a beautiful netted white top and a gray shirt underneath. I wanted to ask her what brand it was so I could get one for Mellie, but I decided to wait until later.

"It's been what, almost a year?" I asked, getting up and pouring some water for us both, wishing it was whiskey. I handed her a glass and she smiled, thanking me.

"Just a little over a year. I understand you've had...a little bit of a rough time since then," she tells me, looking over my file and various official reports sent to her from the office, probably Jackson.

"Yeah," I sighed, rubbing my neck and sitting back down. "It's...been tough."

"Well, start wherever you'd like," she said, setting all the papers down on the table. I picked them up and skimmed through each official report, feeling anger build inside of me and tears in my eyes.

"I came here for PTSD, not all of this," I laughed softly, throwing them on the wooden coffee table in front of me. I was a wreck.

"You know you can talk to me about any of it, Fitz. That's what I'm here for. Just get comfortable."

I sighed deeply.

"I'm fine," I huffed.

"No, you're not. Get comfortable and then we'll talk," she said sternly, all business. She brushed her blonde hair out of her face and I took off my hat and set it on the table, along with my wallet and keys. I took off my shoes and prosthetic, which had been bothering me all morning for some reason. I leaned back and closed my eyes, propping my foot up on the coffee table.

"Now I'm comfortable, ok?" I shot back, trying to figure out where to begin.

"I know you've been briefed on most of my life for the past six months, but let me give you the run down. None of it was about drugs, disorders, alcohol, divorce, nothing. Jerry raped Mellie, simple as that," I said angrily.

"She has dreams about that night often. I stay stressed out about her. I want to help her heal. I always find her alone and upset after these dreams, and she doesn't let me help her. Maybe she doesn't want me to. Maybe neither of us knows how to help," I sighed, opening my eyes.

"And what do you dream about?"

"Everything. Everything from issues at work to law school to Mellie to our daughter to Kosovo," I said. "I've dreamed it all. But recently...it's been Kosovo and Jerry. Every time I dream about him, about his death...I feel this guilt. I don't know what it means or why I feel it. I guess maybe I feel guilty thinking his death could've been prevented? But I wanted him dead before he died," I admitted. "Mellie always wakes me up from the nightmares or I wake up in a panic, grabbing my pistol."

"Traumatic events or the people involved tend to appear again as dreams for many people. Sometimes it's for short periods, sometimes it's for an extended period of time. Continue," she told me.

"Anyway, a lot of these rumors started after we were seen going into a hospital a couple of months back. She had a relapse to that night after a dream, and she began bleeding. We thought it was a miscarriage, but it wasn't, thank God. But of course, the media said it was alcohol poisoning and had too much fun since she had been to The Queen earlier that night, or that she was on drugs, or that we were getting divorced because she cheated on me, the list of lies goes on forever and ever. She never did anything wrong, and this upsets us both that lies are being spread. I want to go on TV and announce to the world what really happened, but I don't want any more chaos in our lives," I sighed. "I just worry about how she's doing all the time, how this is all affecting her, what she might not be telling me. How to keep her safe," I said.

"Do you ever think that Mellie probably stresses out about you too?" Janice asked. "You can sense when she's upset and she knows when you are, too."

"Why would she worry about me? I wasn't the one who was raped," I said, looking her in the eyes. I was angry. I wanted answers.

"She worries about you for the same reason you worry about her. You love each other and want only the best, including happiness. No, you weren't raped, but you were severely injured years ago, just like she was hurt."

I let out a deep breath and my shoulders sunk back into the couch. I had never thought about it like that before.

"So maybe I should cut her some slack," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "You know, we're having a little girl. The other day I was ordering little pink balloons and decorations for the baby shower in six weeks. I hope she likes them. She's so worried about whether or not she'll be a good mother, but I know she will be. My only concern is, will our little girl like us? Will she be daddy's little girl or a total rebel? Time will tell, I guess."

"You'll be just fine," she smiled.

"I just feel like I'm wreck all the time. I'm worried about work and wish I could stay home with Mellie. But when I'm home, I'm worried about work sometimes. I just want to make this a better state, and that requires work. I worry about if she's safe enough, if she's happy, if she's happy with me. I'm trying too hard to be in two places at once. At home I'm worried about her and work and how I can get all this work done by the next day and how I can possibly help her, because it's different. Rape isn't like a cut you can just put a band-aid on and wait for it to get better. It's like...a knife digging deep into your back that left a huge scar and still hurts. That's what I've learned. I just want to help her, and I don't know how. I listen to her on the rare occasion she wants to talk and open up to me. I'm careful when we get close. I tell her to stop me if she gets uncomfortable. I just want her back to being her," I said, tears rolling down my cheeks. I was a mess.

"It sounds like you are doing a great job already trying to help Mellie. It takes patience when dealing with victims of sexual assault. You have to let them come to you, and it seems like she's doing that. You might not realize it right now, but your simply listening is doing wonders for her. It's baby steps. It might not ever be 'back to normal'. This could be the new normal. You also have to remember that you've been in office for a year and a half now, and this is when it's starting to get tough. You're also dealing with an assault and a death within a few months of each other. You are still working through this, Fitz. Both of you are. It will take time, but you are on the right path," Janice assured me. I set my foot on the floor and crossed my legs, taking it all in. I feel slightly better, but this guilt, guilt because of who knows what, is still gnawing at me.

"You said you had been having PTSD symptoms again recently?" She mentioned, staring at me. I was still deep in my thoughts, trying to figure out what the cause of this guilt is. I look at the wooden door from the corner of my eye, and then at the glass windows covered with blinds. I don't see Ben's feet at either window, so he must be directly at the door. I wonder if Mellie has tried to get in touch with me.

"Fitzgerald," she said again, and I jumped slightly, coming back to our session.

"Hmm?" I raised an eyebrow, focusing back on her.

"You mentioned PTSD?"

"Oh, right," I said, looking over at the door again. "I've been having dreams of the bombing again, of everything in Kosovo, actually...mainly things that happened with Warren. God, I miss him. _Every single day_ , I miss him more and more. And I just..." I huffed angrily, putting my prosthetic back on in a hurry and began pacing the room. I stood by the window, looking out over the city. I looked down to the ground and wondered what jumping felt like from this height. I turned around and started back towards her.

"Sometimes I wonder if everything would've been better if that asshole had shot me in the head and ended it all," I growled, my heart racing. "Nothing would've gone wrong. I wouldn't miss my best friend, I wouldn't have gone back to Mellie. She never would've gotten within reach of my father, and she never would've been raped. She would've had a better life with some successful man who could give her the world. I never would've been governor, and you and I never would be sitting here, you listening to me complain about my life. This world would've been better off without me," I snapped, going over to the refreshments and leaning against the wooden cabinets, trying to catch my breath.

"And don't even start with any of this suicide crap, because that's not what I'm suggesting. I wouldn't kill myself," I sighed.

"Fitz, everything you just told me presented the symptoms. I am legally responsible for your well being and your state of health, and I have to report this," she said softly. "I-"

"No, you _don't_ ," I shot back, turning around and going back over to her. "You don't have to report one bit of this. All you're going to do is do whatever to stop these dreams and thoughts and tell me how to help Mellie and we'll go about our days," I said, calm coming back to my voice. "I'm fine."

She pursed her lips together and I could see the coldness in her eyes. She sighed and began writing furiously on her clipboard. When she spoke, her voice was suddenly cold.

"Just listen to her. Let her come to you. And as for you, here's a prescription for anxiety medication, and the times your therapy group meets. You _are_ expected to show up to every meeting until further notice. I might even suggest couples' therapy for you and Mellie, because you need to work through this together. I'll check in on you every week. But just remember, I can't help those who don't want to be helped, Mr. Grant," she ripped the paper and handed it to me as she stood up. "It is my job to make sure you are safe and comfortable with your PTSD, but you won't let me help you by reporting this and getting you the help you _really_ need. If you change your mind," she paused, "Let me know. I'll see you next week at the group meeting."

Janice walked out, shutting the door and starting down the hall, her heels clacking loudly against the tile floor. I sat down and sighed. She was right. I needed to chill out. Maybe the medicine would help the dreams.

Ben stepped inside and saw me putting my shoes back on and putting my belongings up. I never looked him in the eye as I put on my cap. I was ashamed of how I acted.

"Let's go," I said, starting for the door. He followed me downstairs and to the car, and we made it out unnoticed. I stopped at the drugstore and gave them my prescription, then went to the liquor store down the street. I looked over at Ben as I parked and sighed.

"Don't say anything," I warned, getting out and going in. I came back out ten minutes later with two bottles of whiskey, a bottle of vodka, and two cases of beer. I handed him a case of beer and started the car.

"For you and the guys," I said, anger evident in my voice, and drove away. He knew better than to try to intervene.

* * *

We came home around six and Ben opened the door, letting me in first. I carried all of the alcohol I had bought straight to my office, passing Mellie, who was working on dinner in the kitchen. I didn't even say hello before locking my office door, the click of the lock echoing in my head.

Mellie turned around and turned the boiling pots down and going over to Ben, who set their case of beer on the counter.

"What's wrong with Fitz?" She asked, concerned. She crossed her arms and gave him a look, and he knew he couldn't get this past her.

"The meeting with the counselor didn't end well, I believe," he sighed. "He wouldn't talk about it. She gave him a prescription for something that he took to the drugstore. I don't know what it was. He wouldn't let me see it."

She sighed angrily, hating when I got like this. I shut her out until I was satisfied, until the monster in me was satisfied.

"Looks like I'll be eating dinner alone then," she said, going back to the food on the stove.

"Do you need me to do anything?" Ben asked, knowing there would be trouble later. Any time Fitz drank excessively, there was always trouble to follow.

"Not now," she said softly. "I'll call you later when he comes out."

Ben nodded and headed out the door, and Mellie finished cooking dinner - fried rice with mixed vegetables. She ate alone at the dining room table, something she wasn't used to. She couldn't remember the last time she physically ate dinner without him. Some nights she wasn't there mentally, but she was always there physically.

I looked at my watch and it was nine thirty. I had finished off an entire bottle of whiskey and the vodka, and was working on the beer. I was feeling good. I was still preoccupied with my thoughts from earlier. Kosovo, Jerry, Mellie, everything. Seeing the counselor didn't help a bit. There was still this pain inside, this fear. Fear of what was to come. Fear of what from my past could come back and haunt me.

The more I drank, the more numb I became, both physically and mentally. Alcohol numbs the pain for me. It numbs everything in my world. I needed to be numb, at least for a little while. I hadn't drank this much since I got home from Kosovo, but I was holding my own. I felt strong, I felt like I was in control of my life again. I finished another beer and set the empty bottle by all the others on the bookshelf, then walked towards the door. I leaned against it, pressing my forehead to the cold wood, and unlocked the door. I opened it slowly and looked around, not seeing Mellie in the living room. I looked towards the back door and saw her out on the patio, reading on her iPad. I opened the sliding glass door and stepped onto the warm concrete, the moon shining brightly over us.

"Hey," I said quietly, walking over to the wicker couch she was sitting on and sat beside her. I saw her type away on her iPad and lock it, looking over at me.

"Hey," she said coldly, looking away again.

"What are you reading?" I asked, stretching my arm across the back of the couch.

"Just some news articles right now," she said. "How was the meeting?"

"Let's not talk about that right now," I cut her off, moving closer to her. I took her hand into mine and stroked it, and she didn't even smile. But it felt good being with her. I tilted her chin up and looked into her blue eyes and kissed her softly, tugging on her bottom lip and holding on to her hips when she pushed me away.

"Fitz, please..." She said, sounding upset.

"Please what?" I smirked, kissing her neck a few times before she got up off the couch.

"Please _stop_. You're drunk."

I saw her look to the door and I turned around, seeing Ben standing inside, watching up.

"Why is he there?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"In case you get out of hand," she said sternly.

"When have I ever gotten 'out of hand'?" I mimicked her, standing up.

"How could you ever forget?" She raised her voice and took a step towards me. "The last time you were this drunk, you tried to hit me and got my arm instead of my jaw, only because I covered my face. Somehow whatever was wrong, it was all my fault," she said quietly.

"Mellie, I would never try to hurt you," I pleaded, trying to hug her, but she stepped back again, putting her hands in front of her to block me.

"Well you're doing a pretty good job of it right now."

"I haven't even touched you, how can you say that?" I growled, feeling my skin getting hot with anger.

" _Because your drinking scares me!_ When you do drink, I always wonder if it'll turn out like this, with a fight. What was the cause this time, Fitz? Because you can't blame this one on your father now. So, _please_ , enlighten me on why you have locked yourself up for three hours and drank your problems away," she shouted, clearly upset. She crossed her arms and I was furious now, trying to hold myself back. I knew what she was getting at; she was afraid I was becoming my father.

"Because all that's going on in my mind all the time is recurring dreams of being blown up in a foreign country, or my sick pervert of a father, or worrying about doing my job well, or worrying about you, my wife, and how I can protect you and give you everything you deserve, and how maybe, just maybe, it would've made more sense for me to have gotten killed over there. I wouldn't be here to hurt you. These past six months have been a living hell and you know it, so can't I have a little while to numb this pain, _to escape?_ " I yelled, and I saw the tears fill her eyes. She wouldn't speak for a minute, then sighed and looked at me again.

"And you think I don't want to escape all of this every single day? I wish more than anything for things to be the way they were, but they can't. So I'm trying to make the best of the way they are now, because that won't change. And you couldn't find one good thing that happened within those six months? Let me remind you of a few. For starters, we're having a baby together, and second, we overcame a sudden death in the family. I'm a survivor of rape, you saw another year in office come and go-"

" _There it is,_ " I raised my voice, laughing loudly, throwing my hands up. "There. It. Is. When will you _ever_ let Jerry go and cut this death and rape card crap out, for God's sake? He is _gone_. Leave it all in the past. Forget everything to do with him. He is worthless to us," I yelled.

"How can I let the man who raped me, who will always be attached to me and who carries a piece of my soul with him, how can I just _let him go_? You don't get it, Fitz. You know there are boundaries and you respect those and take care of me, but you will _never_ understand how I feel about it," she growled angrily at me.

"And you'll never understand why I hate him so much, why I always want to escape everything that has to do with him-"

"There's that word again, escape. It is the most _selfish_ word that has ever come out of your mouth. How will I know you won't try to escape this marriage, this family when we need you or when it gets a little rough? How will I ever know you haven't become your father, an angry, drunk, selfish man full of hatred?" She told me, her words cutting deep into my heart.

" _Mellie_ -" I growled, going after her. She pushed me backwards and I grabbed her by the wrists, holding on tightly when I heard the back door slide open and the click of a pistol being loaded. I turned around and saw Ben taking his hand off his weapon. I let go of her wrists and turned fully towards him.

"Touch her one more time," he growled. "You're on thin ice, Fitz."

"Fuck off, Ben," I slurred, trying not to let the alcohol take over. "Stay out of this."

"I protect both of you, and I'm trying to protect _her_ from _you_ , so why don't _you_ 'fuck off', _sir_?" He fired back, now standing beside me. I turned back to Mellie as I resisted the urge to hit him. I saw the hurt in her eyes as she looked into mine.

"Just answer this: do you feel numb about us?" She asked me, and my heart skipped a beat.

"Of course not," I said without hesitation. "I love you more than anything. I don't want us to fall apart."

"Good," she whispered. "Because you're all I have," she said, her voice breaking as she walked away and into the house with Ben following.

Despite my intoxication, my mind was clear enough to remember I hated her father almost as much as I hated my own.


	15. No Turning Back

**A/N:** I am so sorry for not updating recently, I've been out of town for the past week and didn't have time to work on this. Here's a look into Mellie's past and her relationship with her father. Reviews and comments are appreciated and I hope you enjoy it.

 **Song:** Lady in Black by There For Tomorrow

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

"Mom, are you sure he's ok with this? What if he tries to kick him out?" Mellie asked her mother, wondering if her father really was ok with having me over for dinner that evening. He had met me at least two or three other times and never liked me. She usually came over to my apartment to hang out because he didn't want me in his house. We sometimes went to her apartment, but she liked coming home in the summer to visit to lay by the pool. He called me a troublemaker, a snobby rich boy, said that I had never had a real job (despite my being in the Navy and getting honorably discharged after cheating death), that my daddy probably bought my law degree, the list goes on and on for days. I was just as nervous as she was.

What was worse was I had already asked Mellie's mother if I could marry her, and she said yes. Her dad had no idea, but I was planning to tell him after dinner. I was afraid. More afraid than getting shot, more afraid than losing an election. I knew Mellie would say yes, but if she had to choose between her father and me, I don't know how it would turn out.

"I won't let him kick him out, baby," Betty said, getting the chicken out of the oven. We were sitting at the kitchen counter, and I wished her mom would let us help with dinner. But she insisted that because I was the guest and it was so nice to have Mellie home for dinner that she would do all the work. I think she missed her baby being at home, but Mellie really enjoyed living on her own in her apartment.

I was wearing a casual gray suit and pink tie to match Mellie's stunning dress. God, I was nervous. I was going to propose in a few days, but I also wanted to respect her father's wishes. But she was 28 years old and could choose to do what she wanted.

She took my hand into hers and looked over at me.

"You ok? You seem really nervous," she said softly. I played with one of her sweet-smelling curls and smiled.

"I'm fine, baby. I just know I'm not your dad's favorite person," I said.

"That's ok. He doesn't hate you, Fitz. He just...is picky, is all," she said.

I heard the front door open and my heart literally stopped. We turned around and saw her father, Samuel, coming towards the kitchen, the loud thumping of his shoes against the wooden floor officially announcing his presence.

"Fitzgerald, didn't expect to see you here," he said as I got up to shake his hand.

"We planned this dinner over a week ago, Daddy," Mellie reminded him.

"Must've slipped my mind," he shrugged, going to say hello to his wife, then taking his briefcase into his office. He didn't come out until Betty said dinner was ready.

We all sat through the uncomfortably awkward dinner that seemed to last for ages, and I could feel his eyes glaring at me every time I looked at his daughter. I was still trying to figure out when to talk to him; I was afraid he would ruin it all for me.

Her mom got up as we finished and began washing the dishes, finally letting Mellie help her. I offered to help, but was quickly pulled away by her father.

"Fitzgerald, let's go for a walk, shall we?" He asked, getting up from his seat and slowly going towards the front door.

"Yes sir," I said, looking back at Mellie. All I saw was worry in her eyes as I followed him out the door and down the street.

"How are you doing? You seem a little tense tonight," he said, putting his hands in his pockets.

"I'm fine, sir," I replied. "Things have been crazy at work this week."

"Work? So you _do_ have a job," he smirked. I was getting angry. But I loved Mellie.

"Yes sir, at Lucas and Michael's firm. I started there about two years ago after I got home from Kosovo," I explained. I always seem to forget I was in Asheville for a few years, chasing after my girl.

"Military, huh?" He asked, not able to make it seem like he even remotely cared. He only thought I was a pretty rich boy incapable of doing anything but living off my parents.

"Navy SEAL, sir," I shot back as we strolled around the block, knowing I needed to ask him now or I might lose my chance.

"Mr. Richardson," I said, clearing my throat, "I've loved your daughter for the past five years, ever since I met her. She is my entire world, sir, and I would love to ask her to marry me, if it was alright with you."

He stopped walking and turned towards me.

" _Excuse me?_ You? Marry _my_ daughter? Especially when she has so much going for her right now, when she has real goals and dreams, and what are yours? Work at a law firm forever?"

"I plan on running for governor of Texas in the near future," I explained.

"You think you'll win there because your daddy is governor? Because he gets you everything you want? _Hell will freeze over_ before I let you marry my daughter. I don't want you anywhere near her. You aren't half the man you think you are," he roared, starting towards the house.

"I can provide for her, I can protect her," I explained, following him back.

"You can't provide for her forever on a five figure salary for the rest of your life, kid," he growled. "Melanie is a classy woman, a special breed, the best of the best. I don't want her being seen with some... _scum like yourself_."

It took all my strength not to hit this man, not to tell him how I really felt about his terrible attitude. He walked to the house and opened the front door, going inside. When I tried to go in, he slammed the door in my face.

I still don't know what I ever did to this man to make him hate me.

"I never want to see him around here again!" Mr. Richardson roared as he walked through the living room, drawing his wife and daughter's attention away from the TV.

"Where's Fitz?" Mellie asked frantically.

"You aren't seeing him anymore," he told her sternly, his face red with anger.

" _Samuel_ ," Betty growled, not tolerating this.

"That's my decision, Daddy," Mellie said, getting up from her seat on the couch.

"Why would you want to be with some unskilled pretty boy who will never move up the business ladder when there are plenty of other nice, hardworking men you could be with?" He asked, crossing his arms.

"I love him and he works harder than any other man I know," she fired back, going to the window, looking out into the driveway. She saw me leaning against my car, picked up her phone, and started toward the front door.

" _Melanie Richardson,_ don't you _dare_ go out that door," he shouted, following her with Betty on their heels.

"Samuel, you need to calm down before you do something you'll regret. He's a good kid, he has a steady job, why don't you like him?" She tried to get information out of him, but all his attention was focused on Mellie.

She opened the front door and looked out at me, then back at her father, her hand resting on the cold doorknob.

"Melanie, you realize what you're doing, right?" He said, toning it down, trying to sound hurt. But she didn't care.

"If you walk out that door," he said, his heartless eyes staring into hers, "don't bother coming back."

Her heart shattered right then and there into a million pieces, but she couldn't live like this. Her eyes met her mother's, and all she could see was love and agreement. She knew her mother would always be there for her, no matter what.

She couldn't hear her mother screaming at her father as she hit him, she couldn't hear his yelling back. All she could hear was her heart pounding as she turned that doorknob and ran out to me.

"Get in the car," she cried, running to the passenger side. I got in without hesitation and started it up, backing out the drive as her parents ran out. Her father grabbed her hysterical mother and pulled her back inside the glowing house, slamming the door.

I drove as fast as I could away from there, not knowing where I was going. Once I got far enough away from her parents' house, I pulled over at a gas station and turned to the crying girl in the car beside me. I unbuckled my seatbelt and hers and pulled her into my lap, holding her close.

"It'll be ok, baby. Whatever happened, it'll work out. I'm here for you," I assured her as I stroked her curls. Her phone was constantly buzzing with new messages and she let go of it, giving it to me to handle. I opened the messages, all from her mother. She assured her she would come see about her tonight, that she was making her father get help, that she would support her no matter what. She cried for a good ten minutes before finally calming down.

"Mels," I whispered, "Talk to me."

"I hate that man," she mumbled, wiping her eyes. "He told me I couldn't see you anymore. I told him it was my decision and he told me if I walked out the door to be with you to never come back. My own father threw me out," she sobbed, holding on to my shoulders.

I hated him even more, too.

"Mels, I am so, so sorry," I said, feeling guilty. "I never meant for anything like this to happen."

"It's not your fault, Fitz. There's no reason for him to hate you the way he does. I'm old enough to make decisions for myself," she said confidently, sitting back in her seat. "Let's go to my apartment."

I put it in drive and headed towards her apartment, no longer knowing what was in store for the future.

* * *

"Mels. Come on, baby. Let's go inside," I said, standing in the parking lot of her apartment with the passenger door open, her still crying her eyes out. I grabbed her purse and put my arm under hers, picking her up. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I locked and shut the car door, then walked around to the front entrance and made my way down the hall to her apartment and unlocked the door. I took her straight to her bedroom and set her on the bed and put her purse down. I got on my knees beside her bed and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Mels, don't cry, baby," I whispered, wiping her tears. She looked into my eyes and sat up.

"What have I done?" She whispered, looking down at her feet. "I'm still paying off student loans. I can't make those with this salary."

"Let me pay them," I said without hesitation. "Mine are covered."

"Fitz, no, I cannot let you do that. I don't want your dad having to pay off your loans and hold that over you," she protested.

"He's not," I said. "My grandparents on my mother's side left me a college fund. And I might have invested in the stock market a little. At least let me help you with something."

"No. I refuse," she said.

"Think it over. Why don't we take a shower and get you in the bed? You'll feel better. Tomorrow is a new day," I suggested, taking off my watch and setting it on her nightstand.

"Ok," she said, standing up and going into the bathroom, turning on the shower. I took off my jacket and shirt, and she gave me a surprised look.

"Oh, together," she said, realizing I meant a shower together. I thought she understood, but I didn't want her to be any more upset tonight than she already was.

"If you don't want to, I understand. Just a suggestion."

"No, together is fine," she told me, taking her shoes and pants off first. "I need to relax."

We finished getting undressed, and I couldn't help but steal a few looks at her. She was absolutely beautiful, inside and out. I was so excited to one day make this woman my wife. She didn't know I was planning on proposing, and I still remembered her father's harsh words earlier.

I brushed it off for the moment being, and stepped into the shower with her. The warm water ran down our bodies and I could tell she began to relax as I washed her wavy brown hair for her. This made me happy; I hated seeing her upset. It hurt me, too. I just wanted to be the man for her that her father never was.

As we washed each other's bodies, we heard a knock at the door, which surprised us. It was a little late for visitors.

"I'll go," I said, rinsing the soap off my body and grabbing one of her fluffy pink towels and wrapping it around my waist. I quickly made my way to the door and looked out the peephole, seeing her mother standing outside. I unlocked and opened the door and let her in.

"Mrs. Richardson," I said, hating I was standing there in just a towel in front of her. She was surprised too, and came inside.

"Please, Betty. Where's Mellie?" She asked, setting her purse down on the gray futon beside her in the living room.

"She's still in the shower," I said. "I'll be right back," I said as I walked into her bedroom, grabbing some jeans and a gray t-shirt I kept over here and putting them on before going back into the living room. I stood by the coffee table and sighed, and I could tell Betty was anxious.

"Are things as bad as I think they are?" I asked, crossing my arms, wondering what actually happened between our talk and Mellie's coming outside.

"What has she told you?" Betty inquired, looking up at me.

"He doesn't want us together and he kicked her out for good," I sighed.

"I tried talking him out of it. He swore to not go back on his word. I don't know what his problem is," she said, shaking her head. "Have you mentioned...marriage?" She whispered, looking toward the bathroom as she heard the shower cut off.

"Not yet. I don't want her overwhelmed," I said. "This is enough for one night."

Mellie came out from her room a few minutes later, dressed in one of my t-shirts and her torn jeans and ran into her mother's arms. I sat down in a chair by the futon and watched as Betty held her hurting daughter in her arms, assuring her she was always going to be there for her and doing everything she could to fix this. She assured her it was going to be ok, that she was grown and could make her own decisions and that that was fine.

I wanted to make them both feel better, but I didn't know how. I handed Betty a box of tissues as she rubbed Mellie's back and wiped her tears, and I felt horrible that I could do nothing right now. I looked at Mellie, her back turned to me, and hated seeing her like this. All because of her father.

I glanced up at Betty and she kissed her daughter's forehead before looking at me.

"We might be a while," she whispered quietly and nodded towards Mellie's room. I nodded and stood up, going over to them.

"If y'all need me, come and get me," I said, hugging Betty. I got down beside Mellie and kissed her cheek and rubbed her arm.

"It'll all be ok, Mels. I'll be in the bed if you want me. I love you," I whispered, stroking her hair. All I got in return was a nod, which was more than I expected, and I went to her room. I turned down the soft blankets on the bed and took off my jeans, then laid down. I hoped she would come to bed soon, but I had a feeling her mother would be here all night.

I woke up around three that morning and felt Mellie beside me in the bed, and I quietly pulled my half of the covers back and got up to see if Betty was still here. I saw her on the futon with a cup of coffee in hand, sitting quietly.

"Hey," I whispered, sitting beside her. "Surprised to see you still awake."

"Surprised to see you up," she smiled softly.

"How is she?" I asked, my heart heavy.

"She's taking it pretty hard. So am I, though. I didn't tell him where I was going when I left. I'm afraid of what he'll do when I go back," she sighed.

"Let me call a friend and I can have him escort you home. It probably wouldn't be the best idea for me to go. He can even watch the house tonight, if you want," I offered.

"I'll think about it," she said. "How are you with all of this?"

I sighed and wiped my face. "Upset. Feeling like I ruined their relationship. A little scared of what's to come."

"Oh, Fitz. Don't feel too bad about it. He's never been around much for her anyway; their relationship was never that great. He was always working and never spent time with her. She's more upset than he is. Don't be afraid of Sam. You can handle him," she assured me. It didn't make me feel any better, though.

"I hope I never have to go face to face with him," I said, getting up and going into the bathroom and reaching into my jacket, bringing back a check. I walked over to the kitchen counter and picked up a pen, and wrote out a check to Betty.

"If you don't mind my asking, how much are her loans?" I asked, hoping she would tell me.

"Why would you want to know?" She asked, noticing the pen in my hand. "Fitz, I cannot let you do that. You don't need to go into debt for her-"

"I'm not," I sighed. "She told me earlier she was worried about paying them now, and she refused my money. I explained that my expenses were covered. I had scholarships, a college fund from my grandparents, and investments in the stock market. I was going to make the check out to you to put in her account since I knew she wouldn't take it directly from me," I said, rubbing the back of my neck. Betty looked at me seriously and I knew she still didn't want my money.

"We make enough money to help her cover them, Fitz. But thank you for your generous offer," she said quietly. I looked back down at the check, wrote it for $15,000, signed it, and gave it to Betty. She shoved it back in my face, and I gave it back to her.

" _Please_ ," I said. "Please take it. Make up some story or something how you came across some money at work or a donation was made to help her out, I don't know. Just please take it and let me feel better by knowing she's not so worried," I said, praying silently she would take it. I needed her to take it. She took it and put into her purse, then looked up into my eyes.

"Only for you. Thank you," she said, standing up and hugging me tightly. I knew she was a little worried now too, but I needed to know they were taken care of. I hugged her back and felt good.

"If you're staying the rest of the night, let me at least fold down the futon for you," I said. She smiled and let me, and I went and got her some pillows and blankets, and left her to sleep. I went back into Mellie's room and laid down beside her, kissing her forehead.

I knew now we could both sleep just a tiny bit easier tonight.


	16. A Girl Like You

**A/N:** I've been slow to upload this chapter because I'm trying to find a good song for it (the original song I chose will probably be with the final chapter) and I've been working on more chapters. There's probably somewhere around seven or eight chapters total left, and only maybe two or three left to write. I love knowing y'all are actually reading what I write, and I love reviews. Thanks for reading.

 **Song:** Out Of My League by Fitz and The Tantrums

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

I woke up around nine one Saturday in late June, thankful we didn't have any events to go to today. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and noticed Mellie was still asleep, which I was glad for. Sleep for her seemed to be almost nonexistent now, and I let her sleep whenever she got a chance. I picked up my prosthesis and put the sock over my ankle, but was surprised - this was the third time this week I couldn't feel the sock on my leg. I brushed it off and put on my foot and went about my day.

I put on my favorite gray shorts, white t-shirt, and red Nikes before grabbing my phone and heading out the door. I sent Mellie a text and told her I went for a walk and started down the driveway.

It didn't feel like a running kind of morning, or even a jogging kind of morning. I didn't even want to work out today. I just wanted to relax. So that's what I did.

I probably walked four or five miles through the woods at the back of our land before coming back to the house about two hours later. It felt good to get away for a minute, to clear my mind, to think, to be all alone.

I came back and found Mellie on the back patio, still in her pink t-shirt and black pajama shorts, reading a book on her iPad. I sat beside her on the wicker couch and put my arm around her before propping my feet up on the table beside hers.

"Good morning," I smiled, giving her a quick kiss. She smiled back and marked her page, then set her iPad down. "Enjoying the book?"

"Most definitely," she said. "I'm almost done with it. How was your walk?"

"It was...good," I exhaled satisfactorily. "Really good. I feel better."

"That's good to hear, Mr. Grant," she smiled, putting her hand into mine. "How about some lunch?"

"Sounds great, Mrs. Grant," I kissed her again and got up, leading her inside. We went into the kitchen and she began pulling stuff out of the fridge when she stopped me from helping.

"You go get the guys in here and then sit down," she ordered as she got the bread out of the cabinet. I followed instructions and rounded up the guys and we all sat at the island, waiting. I secretly enjoyed her bossy side, but I would never let on that I did.

She handed us some glasses of water as they took off their radios and guns and laid them on the counter. She turned around with each of us a plate with a chicken salad sandwich, apples, and chips.

"And when did you make this?" I asked, taking a bite of my sandwich, which was amazing.

"While you were out walking," she smiled, fixing her own plate and sitting across from us on the lowered countertop.

"It's really good," Ben said, quickly finishing his sandwich.

"Yeah, thanks, Mellie," Chris and Lance chimed in as they ate.

I was glad the guys were more than just regular security. They were some of our closest friends and we could do things like have lunch with them. I was so grateful for them. I was just worried about having to hire another guy or two. Mellie told me that she would feel better if we got more security when the baby was born, and I knew our safety came first. Ben said he knew a couple of really good guys looking for steady work, and I agreed to meet with them next week.

I finished my food quickly and got up to put my plate in the sink when my eyes met hers, and I put a hand on her waist as she ate an apple slice. She pulled me in to her side and kissed me softly, biting my lip before pulling away.

"Any plans for this afternoon?" She asked softly, and I knew she probably already had some sort of plan.

"Outside, two on two, ten minutes," Chris said to Ben. "You and Lance against me and Fitz. Best two games out of three."

"You're on," Ben said, finishing his sandwich. I had clearly missed something while thinking about the possible new guys. But I was always up for a game of basketball.

"I guess so," I shrugged to Mellie. "We'll do something in a little while," I promised, and got a smile out of her. I poured a glass of sweet tea for me and one for Mellie and sat back on the counter.

"You'll be the ref?" I asked her nicely.

"Aren't I always?" She laughed softly, nudging my arm and drinking her tea.

We went outside and began our game, and me and Chris destroyed as usual. Ben might be my strongest guy, but his weak spot was basketball. I made a three pointer and looked over at Mellie, who was deep into her magazine as she lounged on her lawn chair. She didn't even see me, but this is how most games went. Sports weren't really her thing, unless it involved beating me. She slayed at baseball, there was no arguing it.

I blocked Ben's shot and he nodded at Lance, letting him know to get the ball back. Their communication was weak. Me and Chris never even had to speak to know what the other was thinking.

Two games and twenty-eight points later, we were way ahead of them. They only had fourteen points and barely won the second game. We had it made, and I threw the ball to Chris right after Mellie declared this the game deciding shot. I knew she was either tired of watching us or had finished her magazine. I glanced her way - it was the magazine.

He made the shot and we smiled as we heard Lance and Ben groan about losing for the second time today.

"Maybe next time," I said, giving Chris a look before we burst into laughter. We took a seat on the bench they had put by the goal in the driveway and I saw Mellie pick up her magazine again. I knew this meant she still wanted to hang out with us, but not suffer through another competitive game. I could tell she was looking my way when I lowered my sunglasses just enough for her to see my eyes and winked at her. She smiled a little and went back to her magazine, shaking her head.

"Fitz, what's wrong with your leg?" I heard Chris say seriously. I immediately looked down at my left leg and saw what was left of the lower part was swollen and blood red. I took off my prosthetic quickly and Mellie sat beside me to see about it. I touched my stump and I couldn't feel my fingers touching it, but it was hot as fire.

"I can't feel it," I said nervously. "Damn it," I sighed, shaking my head.

"Go get some jeans and a bag of ice," Ben told Chris and Lance. He knew my thoughts. I couldn't let anyone know about this. I had to wear pants, despite it being the middle of summer in the dead heat of the day. "As soon as we get you changed, we're going to the VA. I'm calling your doctor right now," Ben said, pulling out his phone.

"Fitz, what's happening?" Mellie said worriedly, taking my hand when she saw me wipe my eyes.

"They told me after I had the rest of my foot amputated there was a possibility in the future for complications. Things like nerve damage, phantom sensations, pain, numbness, restricted blood flow, weakness...I'm pretty sure this is nerve damage and probably a blood clot," I sighed. "It's been numb a couple of other times this week. It's happened occasionally before and I brushed it off."

"Worst case, they'll have to amputate again," I said, trying to sound like it was nothing. I didn't want her to worry. If she saw me worry, she would too.

"Amputate again? Fitz, you'll have to learn how to walk with a new prosthetic and it would be harder to hide," she said, and I could see the fear in her eyes.

"We'll worry about that when the time comes," I assured her, seeing the guys come out of the house. They helped me get my jeans and prosthetic on and handed me a bag of ice wrapped in a fluffy white towel.

"He's there now, he said he'll see you as soon as you get there," Ben said, shoving his phone back in his pocket. They all grabbed their radios off the ground and Chris ran back inside, grabbing my phone and the SUV keys. We got in the back and Mellie sat beside me as I held ice to my hot leg. It felt like my blood was going to burn through my skin.

I was terrified. I never thought I would see this day. The doctors in Germany and at home had warned me of it, but I thought nothing of it. I was healthy, I kept my left leg strong. There was no obvious cause. I just didn't want to lose this leg. Especially not now, with two months until our baby is born. I don't want to be doing physical therapy while trying to run the state and take care of our baby girl.

I sucked it up for Mellie and felt Warren's tag beside mine against my chest, wishing he were here. He would understand. He would know how to keep both of us calm. He would help me run this state and be there for every milestone of our baby's life.

I prayed the man who shot us was dead.

* * *

Three months after I got home from Kosovo, I had finally learned how to walk with my prosthetic. It had been a struggle and involved lots of discouragement and falls, but I did it. I had gotten some confidence back and I was ready to tell Mellie how I felt. I had learned after that mission how precious life was and that it was now or never.

I called every law firm in the phone book in Asheville that Thursday until I found the one where she worked. I told them she was an old friend from law school, but not to say that I called.

I booked a plane ticket and flew to Asheville the next day.

* * *

I got the taxi driver to drop me off at the firm she worked at and I took a deep breath as I got out and got my bag. I saw her name by the front door beside three others and smiled. I smoothed out my jeans and my white button down shirt and ran my fingers through my hair, which had quickly grown back. I slowly walked towards the front door, a dozen white roses in hand, and opened it. I walked in and the receptionist gave me a look as I approached her desk and set my bag down. The whole place seemed pretty boring, especially with the hideous blue striped wallpaper.

"Can I help you, sir?" She asked, stopping her typing at the desk.

"Is there a Melanie Richardson here today?" I asked nervously, my palms sweaty.

"May I ask your name, sir?"

"Just tell her a friend is here to see her, please," I stated.

She got up, annoyed, and walked back to what must have been Mellie's office and stuck her head in.

"Mellie, there's someone here to see you."

She came back down the hall and Mellie followed a few seconds later, wearing a black pencil skirt, high heels, and a white striped blouse. Her beautiful hair was down, as usual, and she quickly took her glasses off. Her eyes met mine and I'm pretty sure we felt each other's hearts skip a beat.

"Mellie," I said quietly with a smile.

"Fitzgerald Grant," she half laughed in disbelief, setting her glasses on the receptionist desk, and walking towards me. "I thought you had fallen off the face of the earth."

She hugged me tightly and I rested my hands on her back, her scent the same as it was almost four years ago.

"I got you these," I said as she pulled away, handing her the roses.

"White roses," she whispered. "You remembered." She smelled them and smiled.

"I couldn't forget," I laughed. "How have you been?"

"I'm good, I got hired here after graduation," she explained. "What about you? Where have you been?"

"I went through Navy SEAL training and just got back from overseas," I said, leaving out all the details.

"Wow, I had no idea," she said quietly in shock, looking me once over.

"Look, I know you're busy, but I was wondering if we could get dinner tonight and catch up," I offered.

"Yeah, of course," she said with a stutter, in just as much shock as I was. I couldn't believe she agreed to it so quickly.

"Seven?"

"Sure," she smiled. "Let me give you my address," she said, grabbing a piece of paper and pen from the receptionist. She quickly scribbled it down and handed it to me.

"Great. I'll pick you up then," I told her.

"Sounds great. See you later, Fitz," she said, going back to her office with her roses.

I got my bag and walked outside and called a cab. My heart was racing, I couldn't breathe right. I was so happy to see her.

I went to get a rental car and check into my hotel to clean up.

* * *

"So what are you doing in town?" She asked me as we pulled away from her apartment complex and headed to the restaurant I had chosen a few days ago.

I looked over at her; she was wearing faded blue jean shorts, brown sandals, and a white sleeveless, button-down shirt with pink flowers on it. Her brown waves were put up in a messy bun and her blue eyes hid behind her glasses. My God, she looked good in those glasses. I suddenly felt very underdressed in my khaki pants, loafers, and light blue button-down.

"I just wanted to go visit a few of my friends before jumping back into the workforce," I said.

 _That's a lie and you know it_ , I thought. _You only came to see her. You have to tell her how you feel_.

"That's really nice," she said, enjoying the drive. "So you said you had been overseas?"

"Yeah, for about six months," I said, instantly remembering my last day there. "I was stationed in Kosovo."

"That's pretty far inland, Mr. Navy SEAL," she teased with a smile.

"Tell me about it," I laughed. "It was special forces mission. They called me and another SEAL in along with some Marines to help lead it. So what have you been up to?"

"Just working at the firm," she sighed, seeming like she was missing some fulfillment in her life. "I like it there. I haven't gotten my own case yet, but it's been nice just being in the law environment."

"You'll get it soon," I said. "I know you will. Then they'll realize they made a mistake not giving you one sooner."

I smiled after I got a laugh out of her.

We pulled up to the restaurant around 7:20 and went in, quickly getting seated and ordering our food. It was a steakhouse of sorts, which I knew she loved. Her love for food was another thing that attracted me to her. I ordered the filet mignon and she got the prime rib, both enjoying our time to catch up.

As we finished our meal, she looked at me rather seriously and I was suddenly nervous. She leaned over the table and looked me in the eyes.

"Fitz," she said my name discouragingly, "why are you really here?"

"I told you earlier, I was seeing some friends and-"

"Not in Asheville, you weren't. Not enough alumni around here," she sighed. "There's a reason you don't speak to me for almost four years and one day, just show up and ask me out-"

"Can we finish this conversation in the car, please?" I asked politely as the waiter handed me our check. She wanted to pay for her half, but I refused to let her. I handed him my card and he quickly brought it back, thanking us again.

We left and made it out to the car and down the road before I spoke.

"Going over there, overseas, made me realize how short life is and that someone you love could be gone in just a matter of seconds," I explained. "I just want to apologize for not speaking to you in the past three and a half years. It was a mistake. I missed what we had, I missed you every single day. I missed my friend." I couldn't tell her how much I loved her, I couldn't risk ruining this yet.

She sighed quietly and smiled.

"I missed you too," she said. "I waited every day to hear from you, and I barely heard from you, and then I kind of lost hope," she explained. "When you walked in today, I was shocked, but I was also happy to know you were alive."

I smiled a little and changed the radio station, happy that she missed me too. She cared. She worried about me.

I took the long way back to her apartment and we didn't say much, but we enjoyed just spending time with each other. It was the fact of being in each other's very presence that was so comforting.

I pulled up at her building and parked in front, getting out and following her to her brown door - 106B. She watched me for a minute and sighed with a smile.

"Thank you for going to dinner with me tonight," I said softly. "I was afraid you were going to turn me down when I showed up."

"I had a good time," she said. "It was really good to catch up."

"It was," I whispered, looking at my feet, then back up at her. I hope she hadn't noticed my foot.

"Do you..." She stopped, shaking her head. "Would you want to come in for a little while?"

"If you don't have any plans, I don't want to impose-"

She unlocked the door and held it open for me.

I didn't hesitate to go inside.

We spent the rest of the night sitting on her couch, me in my khakis and white t-shirt, her in gray shorts and a baggy pink tank top, just talking. I didn't realize how long we had talked until I glanced at my watch and saw it was 1:27 a.m.

"I've stayed way too late, I'm really sorry," I said, looking for my socks so I could put on my shoes.

" _Fitz_ ," she said in a firm yet soft tone. She knew it always calmed me down. "You can spend the night, I don't have any plans. It's just me here. You can have my bed, I don't care," she said, gathering her things. "Just let me put on some fresh sheets for you-"

"It's fine, don't worry about it," I said, knowing I wasn't getting out of this. But I was excited. I was staying over at Mellie's apartment. I had to tell her I loved her soon. I couldn't lose her.

"Are you sure you don't want me to sleep on the couch? I don't mind," I said as she grabbed a pillow and some blankets out of her closet.

"No, no, please stay in here. It's ok," she said, shaking her hand. "If you need anything, come get me. You're welcome to whatever's in the fridge if you get hungry. Good night," she whispered.

"Good night, Mellie," I said, feeling peace as she walked away and to the couch, turning off the TV and the lights. I took off everything but my boxers and set my phone on the nightstand. I turned off the bedroom light and got into her bed, feeling like I was imposing. I was fine on the couch, but I knew not to fight over something this petty. I wondered what her parents thought about her living alone, if they wanted her at home, even at 26. My thoughts wandered elsewhere, but mainly back to her. I was so glad to be spending time with her again.

I looked over at the clock and it was 3 a.m. I had been laying here thinking for over an hour. I closed my tired eyes and tried to go to sleep, but never got close once I heard her footsteps enter the room. She pulled back the covers gently and got into bed beside me, snuggling up to me.

I put my arm around her and smelled her sweet hair, enjoying this moment more than she could ever imagine. I could see us together forever, happy, just like we were back in law school.

Little did I know in a few years we would be getting married.


	17. Never Understand

**A/N:** I hope you enjoy this chapter. It shows more of what's in store for the future and how they handle it. Feel free to leave a review and thanks for reading.

 **Song:** Smalltown Boy by Sanders Bohlke

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

I remember we got in the VA hospital unnoticed and my personal doctor, Dr. Carroll, got me behind a curtain within ten minutes. He knew I needed to be out of the public eye. The guys stood outside of my hideous blue curtain while the nurses began hooking me up to monitors and running tests. Mellie sat beside me and held my hand, worried sick about me. She always worried about me more than I ever did.

"Mels, don't worry so much. They're going to take care of me," I said, trying to reassure her. "If you worry too much, they might try to have you put in here with me," I joked.

"I know, they're doing a good job," she sighed, trying to get her mind off of it. "Who do I need to call for you?"

"Right now, just Mike," I sighed, going through the list of people in my head. "Just tell him I probably won't be there Monday and what's going on."

"Ok," she nodded, getting her phone out of her pocket and taking Chris with her to the nearest private bathroom so she could call Mike. I was glad for a moment alone.

Ben stepped in and asked if I needed anything. I told him I was good, I just needed Mellie to calm down. I smiled and he knew I was worried about her.

"She's just not used to having you sick is all," he said. "You'll be out of here in no time."

* * *

I had an MRI done on my leg, and it was definitely a blood clot. They couldn't tell how bad yet. I was put in a room on the second floor and I sent Chris home to get us a bag for the night. A nurse gave me medicine to thin it out, but eight hours and an ultrasound later, it was still there. No progress.

Dr. Carroll came into my room around eleven that night and gave us the results.

"Well, Fitz, dissolving the clot didn't work. The medicine has brought the swelling down a little, but it's probably blocking a main artery. I have surgery scheduled for six thirty in the morning to remove the clot. I just need you to sign a few papers that a nurse will bring soon, ok?" He explained.

"That's fine," I said, ready to sleep. I wanted to be out of this place.

"What's the success rate of this surgery?" Mellie asked, wanting answers.

"I've only ever had two patients in my twenty years that I couldn't remove the clot, so I would say it's pretty good," he said. "There's no need to worry, Mellie."

 _Finally. Someone else agreed with me_.

"I'll see you in the morning. Good night."

"Night," I said, trying to keep my eyes open. I sighed and grabbed my phone off the bedside table and Mellie took my free hand in hers.

"Mels," I said quietly. "I would feel better if you went home tonight and got some rest, even if it is just for a few hours."

"I don't want to leave you here all by yourself," she said, stroking my hand. "What if something happened?"

"Nothing's going to happen," I told her. "If they were that worried about it, they would've done surgery tonight. And one of the guys will be here with me."

"I'm not leaving you," she shot me down. I sighed and scooted over, making room for her on the bed.

"At least get in your pajamas and relax," I suggested. "You could put up your hair all cute like you do it," I smiled. She smiled back and changed into her pink pajamas, then pulled her hair up into a cute little bun. She snuggled up next to me in the bed and I pulled the soft yellow blanket over both of us. She set an alarm on her phone for five a.m. and texted Ben for him to turn the lights off and for him and the guys to go get some sleep. She set her phone on her lap and put my hand beside her on her stomach, feeling our baby move.

"I love you, Fitz," she whispered, kissing my cheek and resting her head on my shoulder.

"I love you too, Mel."

* * *

Mellie waited patiently in a small waiting area outside of the operating rooms around nine Sunday morning, wanting to hear how the surgery went. She texted Jade to pass the time, but set her phone down when she saw Ben come and sit down beside her. He handed her a large sweet tea and fruit box while he sipped on his coffee.

"Hey," he said, looking rested compared to last night. "He'll be out soon. Eat a bite and you'll feel better."

"Thanks," she smiled softly. She looked up at the TV on an early morning talk show and took a drink of her tea. He could tell she was still nervous, and he put his arm around her, pulling her in closer and stroking her arm softly.

"Dr. Carroll is one of the best doctors in the state. He has this under control. The rest is up to the big man upstairs, and He's got it under control too. So you need to try to relax about it," he assured her. She sighed and knew he was right. There was nothing more she could do by worrying.

Dr. Carroll came around the corner a minute later and sat down in front of them with a concerned look on his face.

"He made it through the surgery fine. When we got in there, we found two more clots blocking the main artery. We still don't know exactly what caused the clotting; it could've been a number of things. In cases such as this, if clots are removed, new ones usually form and cause problems later. But after sending a skin sample to the lab yesterday, it's looking like most of his nerves in his lower leg are 85-90% damaged or dead. The lack of blood flow recently has also killed a lot of his healthy cells there. I would like to do some tests on him this morning, but it's looking like a partial amputation would be the best option," he explained.

Mellie's heart sunk and she gripped Ben's hand tighter as tears came to her eyes.

 _Fitz has already overcome so much. I don't want him to go through any more,_ she thought.

"What about electric shock treatments or something? Would that help?" She asked, wanting to do everything possible to save my leg.

"They might give him some feeling back, maybe increase the feeling to 15% more than what it is now," he explained. "Not enough to function safely."

"How did we not catch any of this sooner?" She asked, her hands shaking as her heart beat faster.

"Blood clots are hard to catch early because the signs and symptoms don't show up until it's already formed and causing problems. Nerve damage is usually a long-term thing. It's probably just something Fitz has learned to cope with over the years. It could've all happened as soon as he lost his foot, or it could've slowly progressed shortly after. He probably didn't think anything of it since it wasn't causing him any obvious problems," Dr. Carroll explained. "After he wakes up, he'll be taken back to the room and watched closely to make sure the clots don't move towards his lungs. I've scheduled the tests for twelve thirty. I'll come talk to him once he gets back. You two can discuss what you would like to do and get back with me."

"Of course. Thank you, Dr. Carroll," Mellie said, wiping her eyes, watching him walk away. Ben helped her up and hugged her for a minute, knowing she was torn.

"They want to amputate his leg," Mellie cried into his shoulder. "He'll have to learn how to walk again with a new prosthetic and risk all this coming out."

"It'll only be part of his leg and he's a fighter. He would bounce back quickly. Just talk it over with him and pray about it, Mels," Ben said, stroking her hair. "I know this is a stressful time, but we are all here to help you no matter what happens. Just remember that."

She nodded and kept her arm around his waist as they walked down the hall back to his room to wait on him to come out of recovery. She didn't know what to do. She sat on the couch by the window and dozed off, exhausted from little sleep and worrying.

A nurse brought me back about thirty minutes later, and I was still out of it because of the anesthesia. But my eyes met Mellie's and she quickly sat beside my bed.

"Fitz," she whispered, kissing my forehead.

"Hey baby," I whispered, my throat sore from the breathing tube they put in for surgery. "I told you I would be fine," I smiled. The nurse stayed with us for a minute and gave me some water to sip on.

She smiled back and stroked my curly hair, seeming just glad to be with me. Something else seemed to be bothering her, though.

"You ok?" I asked, taking her hand and holding my water with the other.

"I'm fine," she said, playing with my brown, wavy hair. I could see it in her eyes. She wasn't fine.

"It just seems like something is bothering you," I said quietly. The nurse wrote some things down on a clipboard and told me to call if I needed her. I thanked her and turned my attention back to Mellie. I could tell she wasn't quite right even when I was groggy from anesthesia.

"I saw Dr. Carroll when you got out and he said he wanted to run some tests today. I'm just worried about that, is all," she said. She was good at hiding her feelings to a degree, so I knew this conversation wasn't over.

We played spades with the guys until noon, and that's when Dr. Carroll came in. I thought the surgery had gone well, but his face screamed concern. The guys were about to leave when I told them they could stay. Nothing about my foot was a secret with them.

"Fitz, how you feeling?" He asked, standing beside my bed with his clipboard in hand and stethoscope around his neck.

"I'm ok," I said, feeling much better from earlier, but still not a hundred percent. "What's up?"

"I came to talk to you about the surgery," he said, and I knew from his tone of voice that it couldn't be good. "We got in there and found out it was three large clots, not just one. They were all blocking your main artery," he explained.

"We didn't remove them because with your history and since they wouldn't dissolve, there's a good chance more clots would form again later and cause problems. Another reason is once I got the results back from the lab on the skin samples and the scan, they weren't good. It said about 85% of your lower leg nerves were dead and restricted blood flow killed most of your healthy cells," he told me.

My heart sank. Here I was with a half a dead leg on my body. Where had I gone wrong? It didn't really matter; I knew what he was going to tell me, what the best treatment would be.

"Most of the nerve damage was probably right after your accident. Your body could've just adjusted to it or it might not have ever caused you any noticeable problems. I want to run some tests and see how the rest of your leg is, but it's looking like amputation at the knee is the best option," he explained.

I sighed. I didn't want to go through the physical therapy again. It was more of a mental challenge for me. It was exhausting in all areas.

"You're already adjusted to using a prosthetic, but this would be different since you would bear more weight on it and have less of your own muscles to work with. You would start physical therapy the day after surgery and it would probably last at least six months. You would start looking at prosthetics in about two or three," he said.

" _Six months_?" I asked in shock, sitting up in my bed. "I can't be down and out that long. I have to go to work, I'm the governor. My wife is having our baby in less than two months, how am I supposed to care for them? I can't have my leg amputated," I said stubbornly.

"Fitz, it's either go through with the amputation or carry around this dead weight and be at risk for more dangerous, life-threatening clots in the future. I suggest you talk it over with your family after the tests and make necessary arrangements if you plan to go through with this," Dr. Carroll told me sternly. "A nurse will be in momentarily to take you for the tests."

He left and I was furious. I couldn't be down and out for six months. I would lose my job, I would miss out on our daughter's milestones, and it would damage mine and Mellie's relationship, both physically and emotionally.

"Fitz," I heard her say softly. "Don't be angry. It's not his fault. It's no one's fault, ok? It's just a part of life we have to deal with."

"I know it's not his fault, but I can't be out for six months," I roared. "I'll lose my job and the people's trust. I'll have to go find a firm in the city to work for, we'll have to move back to the house permanently. I won't be able to take care of our daughter much. I can't do it."

"There's nothing wrong with working at a firm. We'll hire help for the baby and you, if needed. And I enjoy our house, even if it is farther out than the mansion. We'll talk more when you get back," she said upon seeing the nurse come in with a wheelchair for me. I sighed and the nice nurse helped me get in.

I officially felt helpless.


	18. Keep On Bringing Me Down

**A/N:** Feel free to a leave a review or comment. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

 **Song:** Did That Hurt? - From The Fifty Shades Of Grey Score

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

I was sitting in a wheelchair in a little private garden downstairs outside with Ben with me. It was late Sunday afternoon, after all my tests were done. Jade came and got Mellie and Chris to go eat and go get some things from the house, and to just try to get Mellie to relax. She had a doctor's appointment Wednesday, and I already told her she was still going. Jade and the guys even offered to go with her. Jackson was setting up the state address about my condition, and Pete was delivering it and handling my job until I was ready to come back. He told me to keep my salary while I was out and not to worry about the office. I thanked him immensely and began to relax. Relax until the thought came back that everyone would now know I wear a prosthetic leg. What will they think of me then? Will they think I can't do my job?

I was just trying to get some fresh air and think while I waited for my lab results. I leaned back and took in the sun rays, warming my cold face. I knew I needed to go through with this, but I couldn't bring myself to come to terms with it. My heart knew it was right for my family, but my mind couldn't accept it.

I needed to make a phone call. I needed to hear it from someone else close to me.

I pulled my phone out and called the second person on my speed dial.

"Hello?" A soft voice answered.

"Hey Hailey, it's Fitz," I said, needing to hear her thoughts.

"Fitz? It's good to hear from you, it's been a few months," she said happily. "How are you?"

"Well, that's actually what I was calling about," I sighed. I proceeded to tell her everything that was going on and she listened. All she did was listen until I was done.

Hailey held a special place in my heart because she was Warren's wife. She was the last piece of him I had left in this world. Mellie always had been and always would be my best friend and lover, and she understood my relationship with Hailey.

I just needed to know what Warren would say about this.

"Fitz, I am so, so sorry to hear about this," she said. "Is there anything I can do to help? Do you need us to come out there?" She asked, ready to pack her and her teenage son up and come out and help us.

"You don't need to come out," I said. "Just...just answer this question for me," I paused.

"What would Warren say? What do you think he would say to me?" I asked, my heart sinking. "I just need to hear it." I still missed my best friend.

I heard her sigh softly on the other end and gather her thoughts.

"I think," she said softly, "that he would tell you to go through with it. He would want you to be here as long as possible and you know that this amputation is the only way for that to happen. He would want his best friend to do what needs to be done."

A tear rolled down my cheek and I knew she was right. It was exactly what Warren would say.

"And then he would promise to buy you a beer once you got out," she laughed softly.

I couldn't help but laugh back and smile.

"You're right," I said. "I know I need to do it, but I just can't bring my mind to accept it. You helped," I told her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Fitz. Let me know how it all goes," she said.

"I will. Thanks again. Bye," I hung up and felt more at ease. But as soon as I put my phone down, it rang again, and this time it was Dr. Carroll.

"Hello?"

"Fitz, good news and bad news. Good news is, the clots haven't moved or gotten worse. But the tests did show that 80% of the cells in your lower leg are dead and it will get worse and spread if we don't amputate soon, if that's what you want to do," he told me.

"I do," I said, a lump forming in my throat. It hurt to say those words, but I knew it had to be done.

"There an OR open at 9:30 a.m. and another at two. I can schedule it for either time or something later," he said.

"Two is fine," I said, not able to believe I was agreeing to this.

"I'll see you tomorrow afternoon, then. Bye."

I hung up and sighed, texting Mellie and telling her about the surgery. She immediately texted back and said she was relieved I was going through with it, even though it would be tough.

So I was relieved, too.

* * *

I was waiting to go into surgery at 2:15. The surgery before mine took longer than expected. I had been waiting in a curtain by myself for about thirty minutes now. The anesthesiologist had already spoken with me and a nurse promised to start it soon.

I knew Mellie was concerned. We prayed with the guys and Jade before they took me back, and that put us all at ease. I was glad Jade was here to help pass the time with Mellie.

I pulled up my gown and blanket and looked at my leg for a moment. It had taken me many places; it had taken me all over this country and around the globe. It helped me go to training camp. It helped me lay my mother to rest. It had helped me save my life and get to say goodbye to my best friend. And it got me home to Mellie.

I would miss it, but I knew this was for the better.

Two kind nurses came in about fifteen minutes later and started my anesthesia and it didn't take long to kick in. I tried to keep my eyes open for as long as possible, because it would be a totally different life when I woke up.

* * *

I heard the beeping of monitors and the footsteps of nurses when I woke up two hours later. My eyes were blurry and my body felt incredibly heavy. My throat was so dry I could hardly talk.

"Hey Fitz," a sweet nurse sitting beside my bed greeted me as she kept an eye on my monitors.

"Hey," I said weakly as I nodded, still out of it.

She picked up a cup of ice chips and fed me some, and I felt like a new person.

"How's my leg?" I slurred, still coming to. I was nice and warm under my two blankets, but the IV in my arm was starting to bother me.

"Everything went well. The doctor saved as much as he could," she explained.

I nodded and hoped it looked good. I hoped it wouldn't hurt much.

About ten minutes later she took me back to my room and I found Mellie and her mom waiting for me. Mellie kissed my forehead as some more nurses gave me pain medicine and I looked over at Betty, who was smiling at me.

"I didn't know she was here," I said softly.

"I called her last night and she insisted she come," Mellie said. "She was worried about you, too."

"No need to worry," I told them. "I'm tough."

"Well, Mr. Tough Guy, Dr. Carroll said that he wants to start physical therapy Wednesday morning. I'll be gone with Jade and Chris to my appointment then, but we'll get back soon," she told me.

"I'll be fine by myself, don't worry. Where's my phone?" I asked, needing to call Hailey.

"No sir, no work for you," she said. "Nothing to stress over. I already talked with Jackson. He said he has things handled at the office this week, so you don't have to worry about anything."

"No, I just...just do me a favor and let Hailey know everything went well," I explained. "I promised her I would."

"Of course," Mellie said. "I'll call her in a minute. Do you need anything right now before I step out for a minute?"

"No, I'm fine, baby. Go get some air or food or whatever you want. Take Jade too, and Lance and Chris," I said with a yawn. I was exhausted, and it was only 4:45 now. She kissed my forehead and handed Betty my phone before grabbing her purse and going out for a minute with the guys and Jade. I pulled my blanket closer to my chin and Betty got up off the couch and came and sat beside me.

"How is she doing?" I asked, glad she was here, even if I wasn't in on it.

"The real question is how are _you_ doing? You're the one that just had surgery," she smiled. "She'll be fine. She's a lot better seeing you now that you're out of surgery."

"Feels like I lost a leg is all," I said quietly.

"I know it'll be some work, but I'm here for y'all for anything you might need. If you need me to come out here for a while and help out, I won't mind," she offered. I couldn't let her put her life on hold to help us live ours.

"Betty, there's no way I could let you do that right now," I said, in shock. "You have a job and everything back in North Carolina-"

"They'll hold my job for me, you don't worry about that. How about you just think it over and if you need some help when the baby gets here, let me know?" She suggested.

"Deal," I said with a smile. "After this though," I whispered. "I'm starting to wonder if I need to resign."

A look of confusion washed over her face, and I knew she both understood and misunderstood my reasons at the same time.

"I know it's been hard on you two, but would you really want to give up what you've worked so hard for now? You're so good at it," she told me. "You have brought the change we needed. You're fixing the school systems and hospitals, and working on social security. I would hate to see you go."

"I know," I nodded. "I don't want to. My only concern is the public possibly thinking I couldn't handle this without my father and that's why I quit, because it's not."

"I know, Fitz. I'm sure Jackson could help you out with some sort of statement. If this is what you want," she said reassuringly.

"He'll be the first one I fire," I chuckled. I sighed before closing my eyes briefly and pulling up my blankets to see my leg. I couldn't find the strength to sit all the way up, and I stretched my neck to see. All that was left was a stump, covered in antiseptics from surgery and stitched up. A tear came to my eye. This was now a reality.

"I'm so sorry, Fitz," she whispered, stroking my hair back. "If I could've prevented it, I would have. But you won't let this stop you, because I know you are ten times stronger than this."

I nodded and fought the tears. I was stronger.

My phone began buzzing rapidly, and I knew it was a call coming it. She looked at the caller ID and looked up at me.

"It says it's blocked. Want me to answer it?"

"Let me see it," I said, and she handed me the phone. I hesitated, then slid the answer tab across the screen.

"Hello?" I answered curiously.

"Fitzgerald, how are you doing today?" The man asked, and I couldn't quite place his voice. But I knew I knew it.

"Who's speaking?" I asked, almost afraid as I looked over at Betty, who was just as curious. Strangers calling from blocked numbers weren't unusual, but this one was strange.

"Oh, Fitz, don't play this game. You know who it is," the voice said, almost with a slight laugh. "How is she?"

"I asked who was speaking," I repeated myself. I didn't enjoy this stranger asking about my wife.

"How is my daughter? I'd like to come see her," he said, and I almost dropped the phone. My worst fear was also a reality. My mouth fell open and I sat there in shock, trying to form a sentence.

"Well, you won't," I said sternly. "Why would you care now-"

"I'll book a ticket, for say, next week?"

"Over my dead body," I growled into the phone. "You stay away from her. Where are you these days?" I motioned for her to go get Ben and she quickly got up and brought Ben back.

"Like that's any of your concern, Fitz. You don't need to know anything about me," he smirked.

"Tap this line and track it," I mouthed to Ben, who pulled his phone out and worked on receiving Sam's signal to track him down.

"I could have your head, here, on a platter, right now if I wanted," I fired back. "I told you to stay away. I watched her walk away years ago and never look back. She doesn't want to see you."

Betty looked into my eyes and couldn't believe he had actually called. Ben gave me with thumbs up that he was tracking it.

"Come near her, and it's all over for you," I said, hanging up.

"Why is he calling me?" I sighed, handing Betty my phone. She shook her head and couldn't believe it either.

"I can't believe he got ahold of you after all these years. What did he say?" She asked.

"He just wants to see her. Wouldn't say why. I'll have him arrested-"

"It's an international number. Coming from the U.S. Virgin Islands," he said.

"Why the hell is he there?" Betty said under her breath. "I know I haven't heard from him in years, but what business does he have down there?"

Ben quickly traced the number to Sam and searched for information on him, anything he could find.

"There's no activity record available publicly," he sighed. "Everything stops five years ago, and only one private report comes up from three years ago. Nothing about him going to the Caribbean."

"Get into his bank accounts and security cameras," I demanded. I felt helpless from the confinements of this bed. "He will not set foot in the state of Texas. I'll make sure of it," I growled.

Ben nodded and sat down beside me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Fitz, I think now is the time to get more security. The state will pay for you more men, and I already have a few guys lined up, waiting to be interviewed," he told me. I sighed because I knew he was right. Things were getting testy lately and I needed my family safe.

"Get me the information on them so I can read it over and figure out what to do then. Meanwhile, you work on keeping Sam away and let Chris and Lance handle everything else, understood?" I told him. "Go wherever you need to, use whatever you need to. If it's not covered by the state, let me know and I'll wire you whatever money you need."

"Yes, sir," he said. "I'm going to check the houses and get tools I need and I'll be back shortly. I'll call in someone to come-"

"No need for that. You or the guys one will be back here soon," I said. He nodded and left, and I leaned my head back against the pillow, closing my eyes.

"If he lays a hand on Mels, I swear I'll kill him," I said quietly to Betty. "I can't have him near her."

"You worry about you right now. I can handle Samuel if I need to," she assured me. "You just rest. I'll wake you up if anything happens, ok?"

"Ok," I whispered, drifting off to sleep.


	19. Finally Running Your Race

**A/N:** You'll see more of who Sam really is. Thanks for reading.

 **Song:** Burn The Night Away by There For Tomorrow

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

By that Thursday I was in physical therapy, Mellie's doctor's appointment went well, and we had three new guards - George, Collin, and Jones. Ben left George and Collin on house duty and had Jones here with them. He said that Jones was the best of the three, and wanted to keep him close by. He was ex-Marine, 28 years old. George and Collin had both been in the army and were in their early thirties.

The physical therapist said I was doing good for having surgery two days ago, which made me feel better. So far I felt pretty down and exhausted. I was so used to being active and now had to have help to do things. I wasn't stable enough to walk without an aide yet, but I was able to get up out of my wheelchair with the help of a walker. I never went far, but every time felt like an accomplishment.

Physical therapy was my release, my escape. My therapist was so supportive and never made it boring. I could get away in there for a few hours each day, and I loved it.

Loved it until Ben entered through the double doors in the middle of therapy with my phone in hand, saying it was Jackson and it was urgent. I gave the therapist a look and asked for five minutes, and he let me rest. I sat down in my wheelchair and took the phone from Ben.

"Hello?" I answered, not wanting to talk right now.

"Fitz, Mike, Pete, and I have been bending over backwards to keep this place together and everything quiet, but more public appearance opportunities are coming up and more press events wanting your time. I need to know how you would like to proceed," he sighed, sitting in my office with Mike and Pete, overwhelmed trying to keep my health quiet.

"Is there any other choice besides a press release today and an address to follow?" I asked, laughing lightly. This was it. This was the deciding point of our future. All of it riding on the people, and my wondering if they could accept me this way, if they believed in me enough to re-elect me this fall.

"Not really. I can have the press release written and out before the hour and Pete ready to go by noon tomorrow, unless you would rather have someone else do the address. I just assumed since he's lieutenant governor. Mellie doing it might give you the sympathy advantage," Jackson explained, leaning on my desk.

"I don't want any advantages I don't deserve," I said back, offended.

"You'll take what you can get if you want to get re-elected," Mike chimed in, and I knew he was right. I needed all the help I could get at this point.

"Let me get done with physical therapy, talk it over with Mellie, and get back to you by one," I said, seeing it was already 11:17 a.m. by my watch.

"Ok. Talk to you then. Get better, man. Bye," Mike said, hanging up. I gave Ben my phone back and he pushed me back into the main room, after having taken me to a side room to talk.

"You ready to start again?" My therapist asked, and I nodded, now ready to be done.

* * *

"I'll do it. I'll need to go get something to wear," Mellie told me as we sat in my hospital bed together around noon. "Anything to help our case at this point," she laughed softly, knowing it wouldn't be easy.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked, getting a nod from Betty in agreement. "Pete can always do it."

"Like they said, we can get some sympathy and support if I go. I'll be fine," she said, her mind clearly preoccupied, worried about this. I knew she was only doing it to try to keep us in office.

"You have my wallet. Use the gold card for whatever you buy. Take Ben and Chris with you," I said, and I could see the concern in her eyes when I mentioned the gold card. I rarely used it. I have three personal accounts set up, one with our inheritances, retirement funds, savings, and emergency money in it. Another is for our paychecks for bills and spending. The other is solely mine, however, and it is where I keep a portion of my inheritances and salary. I also the one I rarely use, mainly because I use it for quiet business deals or when I'm trying to build up our joint accounts more. She knows it as the "gold account", and she always associates it with bad news.

"Are you sure about the card?" She asked, wanting more information.

"I'm positive. Everything is ok, Mels. I promise. I just need some activity on it," I told her. I couldn't tell her about Samuel, not yet, if ever.

"Ok," she smiled. She asked Betty if she wanted to go with, and they told me goodbye and headed to the mall. I knew they would be seen, but no one knew yet.

I called Jackson back and gave him the green light on both the release and address, but told him to wait until they got back on the release.

Our lives would be totally different in a few hours.

* * *

By four that afternoon, the statement was out, and Jackson said his email had crashed twice already and the phones wouldn't stop ringing at the office. I turned off the TV when I saw my name come on, and Betty said nothing as she sat beside me. Mellie was asleep on the couch after shopping, and I was glad she could rest amidst this chaos.

I was trying to rest, trying to keep my mind off the idea that now everyone knew my old past, knew I was an amputee for all these years without their knowledge, when I heard Ben in the hallway, still managing my phone. The calls had gotten out of control, and he was handling them professionally since Jackson was busy at the office.

I was only concerned when he opened the door with the ringing phone and gave me a look that let me immediately know who it was.

"Hello?" I answered calmly and quietly, motioning for him to get my wheelchair so I could go somewhere away from Mellie.

"Fitz, how are you doing today? Better, I hope," Sam said.

"I'm fine," I said, getting into my chair and holding on to my IV pole as Ben started me out the door and down the hall to another bathroom. "What do you want now?"

Ben already had it tapped and was listening on his earphones and recording the entire thing.

"The same thing as last time; I want to see my daughter," he smirked. "Word is, you two are expecting a baby soon. When were you going to tell me, Fitz?"

My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach and I was ready to do whatever it took to keep him away.

"I wasn't," I growled. "She left you years ago and if she had wanted you to be in any part of her life, don't you think she would've made the effort by now?"

"I don't, because she's still blind to who you really are, and as long as she still believes in you, she won't come back to me. You refuse to show her the real side, the side trained to kill, to defend yourself at all costs. When are you going to break her heart and tell her that this Mr. Nice Guy stuff is all an act?" He breathed into the phone, and I was about to lose it.

"You don't know me at all," I said angrily. "I'm not a killer just because I was in the Navy, despite what you think. This isn't an act. I love Mellie and I would do anything for her."

"Anything? Well then, here's how this will work. I see her within the next two weeks, alone, place of my choice. You will regret this for the rest of your life if I don't see her," he threatened, and I knew I was in deep now.

"What's the catch? What are my other options?" I demanded. I couldn't let him get even in the same state as Mellie. I knew he would do anything to get her back on his side, anything at all.

"You have $200,000 in my account by morning, and the game will change. Possibly even in your favor. Understood?"

"Yes," I huffed, looking at Ben as I hung up.

"You need to tell Jackson," he told me. "Let him help you. Call in the legal team."

"How can I call in the legal team here and without Mels knowing? If she finds out, this is all over," I said. "Call in one man, set it up down the hall, ASAP," I said as we went back to the room. Mels was still asleep, and Betty knew by the look on my face that Sam had made a threat.

Either way, I knew how this would end.

There goes half of my gold account.


	20. Turn Right Into My Arms

**A/N:** I want to apologize that I left this chapter out. It is chapter 20, and one of my favorites. I just realized I left it out. I will upload the ones that were up before and a new one. I am sorry and thank you for reading!

More on Sam, but also Fitz and him wanting to be protective. I hope you enjoy.

 **Song:** Turn Right by the Jonas Brothers

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

By seven the next morning, $200,000 was in Sam's account and we had a team out searching for him. We had warned state police of him. I had one of my lawyers, Timothy, by my side.

It was around eight when I got his dreaded call. Ben and I were down the hall in the chapel, the only free room we could get ahold of, with my lawyer, waiting to hear from him.

"Good morning, Fitz. I assume you're still recovering well," Sam said smugly.

"I'm fine, Sam," I said, annoyed. I didn't want anything to do with this man.

"I also see you've held up your end of the deal," he said, seeming satisfied. I hoped he was. I hoped he would leave us alone. I didn't need to publicly go after him and have one more thing in the news.

"Since you've complied so easily with me and I see, let me find it...yes, I see that you have released a statement on your condition. Very brave move, Fitzgerald. I might consider...changing the terms of our agreement. I've also gotten word that Mellie will be doing an address this afternoon," he said. "I plan to be there."

I was about to lose it when Ben held me back and told me to stay calm.

"What are the new terms, Sam?" I demanded. I couldn't let Mellie go without me today, but there was no way I could get out of here.

"We'll just have to see after the address, won't we?"

And the line was dead.

"You make sure he doesn't get close enough to say anything. He will try to screw everything up. He's only doing this because he hates me. He doesn't really want to see her. He wants her with someone else," I told Ben as Timothy started discussing my options with me. We heard a brief knock on the door and Jones stuck his head in and whispered something to Ben, and he turned back to me.

"She would like to speak with you, sir," he said quietly, and I sighed. I didn't want to tell her anything.

"Ok," I said, and Mellie came in, dressed in jean shorts and a beautiful sleeveless pink top. I saw her look over at Tim, but she never said anything.

"Hey baby," I said, and she came over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing my cheek.

"How are you today?" She asked, and I pulled up my gown for her to see my leg.

"A lot better today. What about you and munchkin?" I asked with a smile.

"We're fine," she laughed softly, running her fingers through my hair. I could feel her tense up and sigh, and I was getting worried.

"If you don't mind, can Fitz and I have a moment alone, please?" She asked nicely of Ben and Tim. They all nodded and stepped out, and she sat in a chair beside me.

"Fitz, why is Timothy here? And why did I have to ask before I could see you?" She asked me, clearly extremely concerned. I could see it in her eyes.

I stopped and I gathered my thoughts. I wasn't about to hide anything from her.

"Look, I'm not going to hold back anything, so I want you to be prepared for what I'm telling you, ok?" I explained, and I watched as all expression left her face.

"Ok," she said quietly. I got up and she helped me over to her, where I sat on the table in front of her. I needed to be close to her when I told her.

"The other day, I got a phone call," I started off. She looked into my eyes and it was killing me to tell her.

"It was Sam," I said, and I immediately saw the hurt in her eyes and the color drained from her face.

"He wants to see you."

She sighed and I could feel her anger coming from her.

"Why?" She asked, her voice breaking.

"He didn't say. He only said if I didn't let him see you, I would regret it forever."

"What else did he say? I need to know everything, Fitz," she said sadly as she began to tremble.

"Ben," I hollered, and he came back in, knowing things weren't good.

"Play her the tapes, please. All of them."

He nodded and began playing the recordings of all our calls, each terrible, miserable call. Each one came back to mind, worse than the first time I heard them.

 _"Come near her, and it's all over for you."_

 _"I want to see my daughter."_

 _"When were you going to tell me, Fitz?"_

 _"She's still blind to who you really are."_

 _"You refuse to show her the real side, the side trained to kill, to defend yourself at all costs."_

 _"I would do anything for her."_

 _"Here's how this will work. I see her within the next two weeks, alone, place of my choice. You will regret this for the rest of your life if I don't see her."_

 _"You have $200,000 in my account by morning, and the game will change. Possibly even in your favor. Understood?"_

 _"I plan to be there."_

Mellie looked over at me and I saw her fighting back tears. I knew she didn't want to waste any on him.

"Two hundred _thousand_ dollars?" She whispered in disbelief. "And he's going to be there today."

I nodded in response and she sighed. "He won't hurt you. He won't even be able to get near you," I explained.

"I'll have to do as he says, Fitz. I don't want any more trouble," she said, already thinking up a plan. "What did he mean, the...real side of you?"

"You do have the real side of me, Mellie. He's trying to convince himself I'm a bad person. He thinks because I was a SEAL on a special mission that I'm a trained killer and I'm crazy. He just doesn't want you to be with me," I said. "I would've told _you_ , of all people, if I had another side."

She nodded and stood up to hug me as I opened my arms. It felt good to feel our bodies together for the first time in almost a week, to have more human contact than a nurse sticking me with needles or her holding my hand. It felt good just to feel her.

I held her close as I listened to her sob quietly, her entire body shaking against mine.

" _He knows_ ," she sobbed into my shoulder quietly as I stroked her soft brown hair.

"I'm not going to let that stop us from living our lives in the best way possible," I assured her. "I won't let him near our child."

In that moment, I realized I had no room for error. I had to be the best father possible for our child, because every other man close to her had made her life a living hell, and they both claimed to be a father to her.

I wouldn't do the same.


	21. Always Talk, Never Listen

**A/N:** I hope you enjoy this chapter. I apologize for updating so late. Feel free to leave a review!

 **Song:** Nobody Listen by Lifehouse

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

I was sent home Sunday afternoon in a wheelchair with specific instructions to only do what I felt I could and to take it easy. Betty went home, but was already ready to come back when the baby is born. We pulled up to the house in both SUVs to find the gate surrounded by news reporters. I was so thankful for the tint job then, because I hated them being there. It was bad enough that Ben, Chris, and Jones got out and held them all back while we got through the gate. Once they got rid of most of them, Ben came back and helped me out and into the house, while Chris carried my walker and our bag.

We got inside and settled, and as I made my way around the house with the wheelchair, I noticed George and Collin had installed new grab bars all around the house for me. I turned to Ben and smiled, and he seemed to have no clue. I knew he had set this up.

"Thanks for the grab bars, man. It means a lot," I said, and he shyly smiled and shrugged.

"I just didn't want you to worry about anything when you got back, is all," he said. "Need me to do anything yet?"

"Not yet. I'll call if I do. Thanks for everything again," I said, and he nodded as they all went back to their positions.

I went into our bedroom and saw Mellie unpacking our things, about to do a load of laundry.

"Need me to do anything?" I asked, wanting to help.

"Huh? No, I'm good. Thanks," she said softly, going back to gathering clothes. I knew I needed to rest, but I didn't want them to think I was helpless.

I shrugged it off and was going to get on our bed when I noticed it was a lot taller than I ever realized. I didn't want to tackle this feat now, so I went back out to the living room and laid on the couch.

Sam had showed up to the address, but said nothing. Apparently seeing Mellie in person was good enough to satisfy him for a little while. He called back on Saturday, demanding another $100,000 to stay away if he got to talk with her on the phone.

Mellie's phone rang late Sunday afternoon as we made dinner, and she gave me a concerning look, suspecting it was Sam.

"Do what you need to do," I assured her, and she nodded, leaving me to watch over the carrots, potatoes, and chicken. She just wanted him to leave us alone too. I hoped he wouldn't set us back after all our progress.

She took it to the back patio, the warm summer air briefly filling the house. She sat on the wicker couch and answered it, hoping she was doing the right thing. Ben was listening in on the call and helping me finish dinner.

"Hello?" She answered calmly, yet her heart was beating fast.

"Mellie," Sam sighed. "It's so good to hear your voice again. You did such a good job at the address. I was so proud of you. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Sam," she said, trying to keep it short. She could feel his intimidation, even through the phone. He was good at that, trying to manipulate her.

"How is Fitz doing at home?"

"He's fine, too." She knew he didn't care. She wished he would quit asking about me.

"It felt so good to see your precious face again, baby. I haven't seen you in years. You've grown so much since then, into a beautiful woman and wife. You'll be a great mother," he said, trying to make it sound heartfelt, but she saw through all of it. She cringed every time he addressed her and wanted him to shut up with every word he spoke. He brought every bit of this upon himself.

The silence between them was deafening until he found the courage to speak again.

"Were you going to tell me?" He asked, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

"I wasn't planning on it," she said firmly. And that she wasn't.

"Does your mother know?" He inquired, like it was some kind of contest between them to see who could be the best parent. But to Mellie, it was an easy decision.

She didn't answer him, and he sighed, knowing the answer.

"Why not?"

"Why would I tell you when you told me five years ago to choose between you and Fitz, and I chose him. I was done with you then, and still am now. Just like you said you were done with me. Why would I tell the man who haunts my dreams at night that I was having a baby? Now, what do you want?" She demanded an answer.

His heart sank a little, but he stayed focused on the matter at hand.

"I want to meet with you."

"Why?"

"I need to speak with you."

"About what?" She sighed as she rolled her eyes, really getting annoyed.

"I would rather tell you in person."

"I don't want to see you, Sam. Whatever you have to tell me, you can tell me over the phone," she stood her ground.

"I found out some information about Fitz the other day, something he wouldn't-"

"Do you not understand anything, Sam? I love him and he has been nothing but good to me," she explained.

"Do _you_ not understand that his whole life has been fake? He gets up every day and puts on a show for the world to see. He doesn't love anyone, he doesn't care about the issues, and he just isn't good for you, Mellie," Sam told her.

"I don't believe one word of what you just said," she said angrily, standing up and walking around the warm concrete patio, looking down at her feet then up at the stars.

"I just want to see you happy. I want to have you back, to see you often, to be the old you," he said.

"I _am_ happy, and you threw away those chances yourself. There's no way I'm coming back," she told him.

She hated being so straightforward with her father, but she needed him to understand that she was done with him since that night.

"Just tell me one thing," he sighed sadly. She waited patiently for the rest of his question, and hoped she had the strength to answer it.

"Is everything that's been in the headlines the past few months true? Did he really...rape you?" He choked on those words, hating the thought of someone hurting her.

Mellie felt her heart sink deep into her chest and was at a loss for words. He had been keeping up with them. He wanted the truth.

"Mellie?"

"He did," she whispered quietly, ashamed to talk about it. "That's all that happened. Most everything else is false," she said, ready to end this.

Sam felt anger towards Jerry fill his entire body and was glad the man was already dead. He couldn't believe some people in this world, and especially not that they would hurt her.

"I was worried about you. I'm sorry to hear that," he said, sorry it happened, but he wasn't willing enough to help her. He was done with that a long time ago. They sat in silence for close to a minute before he sighed and spoke up again.

"Goodbye, Mellie."

I got our lawyer on the phone and he explained that Sam was going to stop his investigations and spying on us or he would be turned in.

I prayed this was the end of him bothering us.

* * *

That night, as I got ready for bed, I realized how hard it was being alone at home. I had already called for Ben once today to help me, and I didn't want to again. I brushed my teeth and rolled back out to our bedroom, where I saw Mellie reading in our bed while she waited for me to come to bed. I used my walker to stand up and it took me a minute to get into bed, but it felt so good to lie in my own bed, beside my wife.

"It's so good to be home," I said, putting my arm around her and kissing her.

"It is nice," she smiled. "How about tomorrow we do absolutely nothing but stay in bed?" She suggested.

"Sounds good, but I got therapy at three. How about until one-thirty?" I smiled.

"That's great," she laughed as she snuggled up closer to me, running her fingers through my hair and kissing my neck.

It was _very_ good to be home.


	22. Running Free

**A/N:** This is the latest chapter. (Turn Right Into My Arms was just uploaded once I figured out it had gotten left out, so please go back and read it. Things might make more sense then.) Probably two more to go after it. Fitz and Mellie start looking towards the future and what it holds for them. Thanks for reading.

 **Song:** Renegades by X Ambassadors

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

Come July, we had come to the conclusion we would probably never go back to the governor's mansion. My father's death there was all we associated with it, and we didn't want to raise our child in a house with such a past. We got the utilities cut off and moved our things out, and were at our personal house for good. Jackson hated us being farther away, but was glad we were happy and finally settled again.

I got up around seven one Friday morning, needing to go do a few things at the office. I did not want to leave Mellie today. I wanted to just stay in bed with her all day, where no one could get to us, no cameras, and no reporters. My stump was starting to ache today, but it was healing well and Dr. Carroll told me I could be fitted for my prosthetic in August. I was finally walking with my walker and even with my crutches for short distances, but Mellie and Ben both insisted I take the wheelchair with me when I went somewhere.

I rubbed my wife's arm gently and she woke up with a groan.

"Ten more minutes," she begged, keeping her eyes closed, and I had to smile. She was so adorable when she woke up in the morning.

"I'm about to go to the office for a little while, ok? Go back to sleep, baby," I said, stroking her hair.

"Don't go," she said, pulling me beside her. She put my hand under hers and we felt the baby moving around. We had gotten into this routine most every morning now, and I would definitely miss it.

"Just stay here with me and the munchkin," she smiled, giving me a kiss. I wished I could. I loved our little times together like this, the time we spent fawning over our baby. "She was up all night long. Her sleep schedule is totally off," she told me.

"Well, she needs to be good and let you sleep so I can have you all to myself this weekend," I grinned. I swear she got more beautiful every day she was pregnant, and I loved it. She denied it and said it was disgusting how huge she was and how tired she felt. I paid no attention, because she was always gorgeous to me. She hated having to wear bigger shoes and get new bras. She hated the fact she had gained close to thirty pounds despite Dr. Ryde explaining that was normal. She told me her emotions were out of control, but I thought she was just fine. If she did get upset, I knew it was ok and I just tried to comfort her. The thing she did enjoy was cleaning the house and when our little girl moves around and makes her presence known. That was my favorite part too, but I wouldn't trade one bit of it.

"And what might you have planned for this weekend, Mr. Grant?" She teased, and I sat up with a sneaky grin.

"You'll have to find out, won't you?" I shot back, and she nudged my elbow.

"You're always so sneaky with your plans," she laughed. "As long as it's nothing involving a big crowd or some social event, I'm down for it."

"No social events, got it. You want to come in with me today?" I asked. "Ben said Capitol security is running a tight ship. No cameras on the premises, and they're not letting anyone on the property without clearance right now."

"I'll go, but you have to help me pick out something to wear," she smiled at me as I got up and grabbed my best jeans and white button down out of the closet and sat on the bed.

"Ok," I said happily, waiting on her to pull something out of the closet.

"I really like this shirt because it's cool and soft, but this dress is nice too," she said, holding up a white sleeveless shirt with lacy ruffles at the hem and a white and tan striped dress.

"Wear the shirt today and save the dress for tonight," I smirked, putting on my shirt. I didn't even get it buttoned before she came over and kissed me deeply, pushing me back farther on the bed. She sat on my lap and wrapped her legs around my waist as her hands explored my exposed torso. I continued kissing her, my hands exploring her body too, loving this moment together. We hadn't had sex in a while, but I was afraid of how it might go with only having one leg. I held her in place close to me, my hands resting on her hips, and she kissed my neck and pulled away.

"We can't be late," she smiled. "We can finish this later."

She got up and I watched her put on the nice shirt and dark blue jean shorts. She grabbed a pair of sandals out of the closet and caught me looking, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Take a picture next time, it'll last longer," she teased, going to put on some makeup and fix her hair.

I smiled and put on my shoe, and then I laid back on the soft bed. It hit me then for the first time.

I was going to be without this leg for the rest of my life.

I know I'll get a prosthetic, but it's not the same. It's not my real leg. It's not made of bone. I don't have feeling in it, I can't hurt it, it's just a piece of metal helping hold my body up.

Mellie came back out a few minutes later, ready to go, and I got up quick as I could. I grabbed my phone and left behind my badge and gun, as I had done recently since the surgery, and headed towards the front door to greet Ben, Jones, and Chris. They were waiting for us, and I offered them coffee as usual, and they declined.

I made it all the way to the truck on my crutches, an impressive feat, I thought, when Ben was about to get in the driver's seat.

"Hey, man, you think I could drive?" I asked, hopeful. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but apparently everyone else did.

"You sure you're ready to drive, baby?" Mellie asked me from the backseat, and I sighed quietly.

"If you think you're ready," Ben said, handing me the keys. I smiled and got in the driver's seat, and Ben put my crutches in the back with my walker. He got in the passenger seat and radioed to the others in the SUV we were ready to go.

Driving was awesome. I felt like I had freedom again, that this one little piece of life from before my surgery was still the same. I could still go where I wanted, and nothing was going to stop me.

* * *

After a nice dinner and a long while of Mellie pushing me around the streets of Dallas as we window shopped, we were exhausted. Few people paid attention to us, thank God, and the guys were close by the whole time. We went home, changed into our pajamas, and got in the warm bed.

The room felt different to me that night; it was more welcoming, more relaxing. The moonlight spilled in and gave it a nice glow, and the bed was especially comfortable. We did nothing more than lie there and snuggle for probably an hour or two, just talking. She felt perfect in my arms as I rubbed her hands and rested my head on top of hers. I knew I needed to talk to her about the future, and I was afraid of what she would say.

"So I've been thinking lately," I said with a long sigh. "About being governor."

"What about it?" She asked, closing her eyes, getting more tired.

"I'm not sure it's right for me anymore," I explained. "At first, I really wanted to make a change, and I've done that. But then everything with the rape and Jerry dying and my leg and soon our daughter has come up...and I'm not sure I can handle taking care of you, our daughter, myself, and be governor. I don't have enough time."

"Like I said before, we can get someone to help out around the house. You'll be better in a few months, and I'll be able to help more once the baby is born. This is all only temporary," she told me.

"Rape, a leg, and a baby aren't necessarily temporary," I laughed. "I don't know. I'm just so confused."

"I know, baby. It'll work out. I promise. Just think it over some more, pray about it, and then we can decide," she told me, kissing my cheek before burying her face into my chest again, getting comfortable. And I wasn't about to bother her if she could get comfortable and sleep some. I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep, hoping for an answer soon.


	23. Thinkin Bout Forever

**A/N:** Two more chapters after this one. I hope you enjoy this one. Thank you so much for reading and please feel free to leave a review.

 **Song:** I Did With You by Lady Antebellum

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

Betty had made it out on short notice, and we had been at the hospital a few hours already, ready to meet our little girl on this scorching August day. I knew it would take a little while, but it was more waiting than I ever expected.

Mellie is such a fighter. I've known that since the first day I met her, and especially in this past year, but she is amazing. There is no other word for it. I did everything I could to help her out, but I was so ready to see our daughter so Mels would be out of pain. She insisted it was a good kind of pain, and I believed her, to an extent.

Dr. Ryde had the best nurses working with us, and I wasn't worried one bit. I could sense the fear Mellie had, but I could tell the nurses easily calmed her down.

Forty-five minutes later, we met our beautiful little Savannah Chase Grant for the first time. We had picked the name out about a month ago, and we loved it. At two weeks early, she weighed six pounds exactly and was fifteen and a half inches long. After the nurses cleaned her up and made sure she was not in immediate need of medical attention, Mellie got to hold her for a minute before they took her to the NICU to rest.

My God, they were beautiful. I cried. I cried when I saw my beautiful wife and the love she had for our precious child. She held her close, laying her on her chest and whispering sweet things to her. She already had that motherly glow to her. Betty shed a few tears as she took pictures for us, so glad to have a grandchild.

We finally got to meet our little girl.

"She's amazing," I whispered, giving Mellie a kiss.

"She's an amazing little miracle," she said back, watching her little chest rise and fall with each tiny breath. Her fingers were wrapped around Mellie's finger, her head full of luscious brown hair already wavy, just like her mother's.

The nurses said they needed to take her on back and we could go visit her again in a little while. We all said goodbye to our precious Savannah as they wrapped her up and took her down the hall. The nurses began cleaning up as Dr. Ryde talked to us.

"Congratulations," she smiled. "She has some great parents."

We both blushed a little, and Betty was just beaming.

"I just wanted to tell you a few things before I leave y'all alone. You'll get a booklet before you're discharged on what and what not to do for a while. I want to keep you a few days, just to make sure you're ok. Savannah will probably have to stay a week or two before she can come home, just to let her organs finish developing fully. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call the nurse on duty," she told us. "Congratulations again."

"Thank you," we said, smiling, as she left. Betty hugged her daughter and began showing us the awesome pictures she got of our daughter.

 _Our daughter._

Those words are amazing to me.

Mellie talked to me for another twenty minutes or so after finishing delivery, then looked at the clock - 3:30 a.m. She pulled the blanket up to her chin and sighed, closing her eyes. I could tell her entire body ached and I kissed her forehead before she fell asleep, so proud of her.

So glad to finally meet our little girl.

* * *

That afternoon, once Mellie felt up to visitors and after we got to see Savannah again, Ben brought all the guys in to congratulate us. They brought a few balloons and some day lilies that Mellie absolutely loved. I sat by her side, thankful I hadn't had to get up much today. This room was a little cramped for the walker.

"So how's Savannah?" Ben asked, them all over by Betty and the window, trying not to crowd the room.

"She's still doing good, last we heard. She's beautiful," Mellie smiled, and I agreed.

"She's absolutely precious," Betty chimed in excitedly. "Looks just like Mellie."

Mellie blushed and the guys smiled, glad to hear it.

"And how's Mom?" Ben asks Mellie, and she laughs, her smile infectious.

"Exhausted. I'm sorry I haven't cleaned up yet," she apologized, knowing her hair was a mess and she looked awful. "Fitz said I've been asleep most of the day. I didn't know y'all were coming so soon."

"Mellie, you just had a baby. You get a pass. It's nothing to us," Chris assured her.

"Yeah, we still love you either way," Lance said, getting a smile from her.

Ben gave me a quick briefing on the security of the hospital and our house before they all left to go back to their stations. It was nice to see them, but I could tell Mellie was still not up for too many people coming in.

However, after a rejuvenating shower at four and a few bites to eat, she was much better and excited when Jade came in at five thirty.

"Knock knock," she said, coming into the room with some flowers, and Mellie's eyes lit up.

"Jade," she said happily as her friend came over and hugged her tightly.

"Hey there, Mama. How are you? You look great," she said, sitting in the chair beside her and handing me the bright arrangement. "Looking good too, Dad. And Grandma," she said to Betty, and she laughed.

"Tired is all," Mellie laughed. "Glad to see you here."

"I would've been here sooner, but the boss man wouldn't let me go. You got any pictures of Savannah?" She asked, and Mellie looked at me.

"I got a few, but we could all just go down and see her in the nursery," I suggested, and I saw both of their eyes light up. I told Betty she could go with them and I would stay here. Mellie walked with them down to the nursery and immediately picked Savannah out.

"That's her," Mellie smiled, pointing her out to Jade. She leaned against the glass, so glad to see her baby.

"She is beautiful, Mels. She has his eyes and your hair," Jade said. "I'm definitely going to spoil this kid."

"We'll see about that. I have a feeling Mom's already going to be doing plenty of that," she said, giving her mom a hug.

They came back to the room a few minutes later, and talked for probably two hours. I barely paid attention for trying to fight sleep, but I figured it was usual girl gossip. I had just dozed off when I heard Betty get up and tell Mellie she was going to walk around a little bit. I'm glad she didn't bother me, because I wasn't sure if I could even get up off this couch.

"Hey Dad, wake up. Time to eat," I heard Mellie say an hour later, and I opened my eyes, feeling slightly more tired than before my nap. I came to and realized they had ordered pizza. I looked at my watch and saw it was close to ten, and I was thankful for the food. I was more thankful to see Mellie happy being with her friend as they sat side by side and ate their pizza, watching TV. Betty rested a hand on my arm and I looked over at her and all I saw was a smile.

"You've done a good job, Fitz," she said happily. I shrugged and smiled, not thinking much of it until much later.

This was _my_ family. Finally. Finally mine. Not Jerry's, not Sam's. Not anyone else's but mine.

Mine.

* * *

 **A/N:** Do any of you have suggestions on a site to post original work? I'm working on something new and would like somewhere to post it. Thanks!


	24. Only Yesterday

**A/N:** One more chapter left after this one. This chapter jumps back eight years, as mentioned in the beginning. I apologize for waiting so long on updating, but school always comes first. I really hope you enjoy this and the last chapter because they are two of my favorites. Thank you for reading and please leave a review!

 **Song:** A Quiet Darkness by Houses

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

 _Eight years ago_

 _"_ Hello? Shot? Of course. Please keep me updated," Jerry said, and hung up, awake for the night.

It was the phone call he had worried about since I left for Kosovo. The call that I had been hurt, and possibly dying. It was Owen telling him me and another man had been hurt. Jerry immediately knew it was Warren, too.

That was the first time he had questioned my going overseas, and wondered if it was the right thing for me to do.

He was up all night, packing a bag, ready to travel wherever he needed to to get to me. He called his assistant and lieutenant governor the next morning and handed his duties over to them until further notice, and then got a call from London.

"Mr. Grant, I was just calling to tell you that we are transporting your son to London this afternoon by ambulance. He is not stable enough to fly to the U.S.; he had another seizure this morning. If you would like to meet us in London, feel free to do so," the nurse told Jerry the first day after I was rescued.

"I'll be there as soon as I can," he told her, his voice shaky. He thanked her and hung up, going to pack a bag and get on the first flight to London. He didn't even remember what all had happened; he heard I was hurt and was on his way.

* * *

Jerry walked in the dreary room and dropped his bag in the chair by the wall, going to my side slowly, tears coming to his eyes. I could feel his presence. I was somewhat conscious. I wasn't awake, I couldn't understand everything that was said, I couldn't move my arms much, but I knew he was there.

A nurse walked in and Owen was right behind her, his heavy footsteps echoing throughout the room.

"Mr. Grant," she said quietly, resting a petite hand on his shoulder. "He's been doing better since this morning. The swelling in his brain has gone down; his pupils aren't dilated, which is good. He hasn't had another seizure. We won't know anything else until he wakes up," she explained.

All I heard was swelling and seizure and wondered what had happened. All I remember was getting in the truck to go patrol with Warren and there was a loud boom and past that, nothing.

I wondered how Warren was.

Owen followed him to my side and sighed quietly as my father stroked my burned cheek. To feel human contact, someone else's skin on mine was so good. I wished I could give him a hug right then.

"What happened?" Jerry asked quietly as he sat down in a chair by my bed. It hurt him to look at me - I could feel it. I felt the tube in my throat, the needle in my arm, and a pulsing pain in my head.

"He was with another soldier doing their daily patrol when they drove over a bomb that was hidden in the road," Owen choked out. "We found them shortly after. The truck was engulfed in flames. They were unconscious, had second-degree burns. Fitz's foot was gone. They had both been shot twice, once in the chest, once in the head. The other man died in transport, and Fitz coded twice. He had surgery yesterday to remove the bullet from his brain and to open his skull to relieve pressure from the swelling. He hasn't been awake yet, and he had a seizure last night and this morning, but has been stable since then," he said, trying to keep himself together.

"I'm just thankful to see him still alive," Owen said quietly, wiping his eyes. "He means a lot to me and the guys. He's something special."

Jerry sighed and looked at the floor, not able to believe any of this was really happening.

"I'll be back to check on him in a little while," Owen said, leaving us alone as he walked out into the hallway. Jerry nodded and looked over at my mangled body, shedding a few tears.

"Fitz..." He whispered, holding my bandaged hand gently. He looked over my body, seeing most of it bandaged, including my head, seeing my foot gone, tubes and needles in my frail body.

"I'm so glad you're alive," he sobbed. "I knew when I got that call, it wasn't good. But you're alive," he whispered. "I love you."

He actually loved me. Or so he claimed.

* * *

Days went by, then a week, and I was doing better in some areas and worse in others. My burns were healing, and I would get to take a full shower next week. It took me a long time to find the words to say what I wanted to, and even then I could barely form a complete sentence. My arms were weak, they felt like jelly. I couldn't grasp anything tightly. My head always hurt, and the doctors kept telling me every day that I had been shot in the head. I don't know why I survived.

I sat in the boring London hospital bed, wishing I could be outside exploring the city. My mind kept drifting back to law school, different terms and cases we learned of. I couldn't focus on the news on the tiny TV mounted to the wall. My mind was everywhere, and I wanted to get these needles out of my arm. I wanted to be out of this bed. I wanted to be home.

I heard the door open and saw Jerry come in. I knew I knew him, but why was he here? How did he know me? Where did we know each other from?

"Hey, glad to see you're awake, son," he said, sitting on the couch by the window with a bottle of water in one hand and a newspaper in the other. The clock on the wall said 11:19 a.m. Had I really slept this long?

 _He's my father?_ I thought. _He did call me 'son'_. I didn't believe this.

"You're my dad?" I asked, shocked this man was related to me.

I was always confused, too.

"Of course I am, Fitz. I held you in my arms the day you were born," he said, sounding a little disappointed. He sighed, and I knew he remembered what the doctors said. They had said things would be different for me since I had been shot, but they didn't know how exactly. I could remember some things and not others. It could be positive and like nothing happened, or be a complete 180.

"Do you live with me?" I asked, my head starting to hurt.

"Yes, at the governor's mansion," he said, setting the paper down.

"Is it near here?" I questioned. "Where are we anyway?"

"We are in London, England. Our home is in Dallas, Texas, in the United States," he told me.

"Texas," I said quietly, messing with my ID bracelet. "Why are we here then?"

"Because you were shot," Jerry said, tears filling his eyes, hating seeing me so confused, so clueless.

"Oh," I said, vaguely remembering something bad happening to me. I knew something wasn't right with me, but I didn't know what, and it was frustrating. I could feel it, but couldn't put my finger on it.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

* * *

The next day was both better and worse. I remembered being shot, I remembered Warren, I remembered Jerry and things like that. He told me Warren was dead. I cried some more. My best friend was gone.

It got worse as the day went on. My legs were too weak to stand up, and I couldn't raise my right arm. I hoped it would pass, but it was so frustrating. I hated being in this bed, in this hospital, in a foreign country.

I fought the nurses over my medicine and ended up getting so worked up I had another seizure. I was exhausted that night, and I had a few more questions to ask him. But I couldn't form the right words, the right sentences. I could think of them, but not say them.

They would have to wait for a few days.

* * *

I couldn't remember much that fifth day. I was too weak to get up, and I was depressed. I got more and more frustrated not knowing anything about my life, nothing about who I am, or who I was.

I remembered one thing, and I had to have some answers.

My dad was sitting on the couch, looking out the window on this rainy, dreary day. It started storming last night and continued into the day. The TV was on MTV, mainly for the music. I didn't feel like watching. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to be out of here. I wanted to be wherever home was for me. I couldn't remember where he told me we lived.

"Hey," I said quietly, ready to ask my questions. I think I could finally ask him about it.

"Yeah, Fitz?" Jerry asked, turning towards me, seeming sad.

"Are you ok?" I asked, wondering about his feelings. They seemed different.

"I'm fine," he smiled, putting on a good face for me. He got up and sat in a wooden chair beside my bed and rested a hand on my arm. "How are you today?"

"Sad," I said, the only word I could think of to describe the way I felt. But it was more than sad.

"Anything I can do for you?" He asked sincerely.

"No," I whispered. "But I have a question."

"Ok," he said quietly. I pulled my blanket up closer to my chest the best I could and I sighed, hoping he could tell me more.

"How is Mellie? Is she coming here?"

I saw the confused, stressed look on his face as he rubbed his eyes, seeming unsure how to answer. I felt bad about bothering him, but I need to know about her. She was the only thing I always remembered.

"I...don't think so, Fitz. You and her haven't spoken in three years," he sighed. "Last I heard, she had a job in North Carolina."

I couldn't believe this. What did he mean we hadn't spoken in three years? She's my wife. We had a kid together. Did we get divorced or something?

"What- what do you mean?" I shook my head, very confused. "I just talked to her yesterday. She's taking care of Savannah."

"Who is Savannah?" He asked me, trying to piece it all together. I was so mad that he didn't remember anything. He knew me and Mellie are married. I'm not stupid.

" _Our daughter_ ," I said, hurt he didn't even remember his granddaughter. "She's only a few weeks old, don't you remember?"

He sighed and took my hand as he looked me in the eyes.

"Fitz, I... I don't know how to tell you this. But you and Mellie are not married. You don't have a daughter. I'm so sorry, son," he said, resting his head on the bed rail, crying. I could almost hear his tears hitting the cold tile floor, it was that quiet. He was upset that I couldn't remember anything.

But I knew he was wrong. This was the one time he was wrong and I was right.

He got up and showed himself out, and a few minutes later, came back with a few nurses. They checked me out and I fought them again. There was no need to check me because I was fine. I wanted to go home.

Ten minutes, a seizure, and a new mysterious bag of medicine in my IV later, I was out like a light.

* * *

I woke up two days later in the mental ward, "for my safety", they told me. Jerry was still allowed to sit with me, but I felt like a prisoner. I didn't know these people, or what day it was, or why I was here, and I barely knew Jerry, and they wouldn't let me out of this depressing place.

Today was the worst day. I felt worthless. They watched me like a hawk for no reason. I was going to die here, and Mellie would never know what happened to me.

I heard him on the phone earlier. He had called Owen and said something about me thinking I was married to Mellie and I was making up these crazy stories.

He's the crazy one because it's real. I know she is real.

He still doesn't seem to remember our wedding, or when I became governor and she threw a party to celebrate, or our trip to Vegas, or our daughter, nothing.

He doesn't even remember raping her. But I do.

Vividly.

My nurses came in early afternoon and I barely spoke ten words. I was so...I don't even know the word. It slips my mind. My heart beat fast as it sank into my stomach, and I wanted to punch Jerry every time I thought about him assaulting Mellie.

"How are you doing today, Fitz?" One nurse asked me, and I gave her a dirty look.

"Awful," I growled, staring at Jerry, reading the paper, as usual.

"I'm sorry to hear that," she said. "We're going to give you some medicine that should help make things better-"

"How can things be better when _he raped my wife?_ " I shouted, fighting their grips, their poking and prodding with needles, and I saw Jerry put the paper down and a nurse ask him to leave as two more nurses came in and held me down as they strapped me to the bed.

" _Let me go!_ " I yelled, struggling to get free. "I have to see my wife and daughter! Please!"

But they wouldn't listen. The last thing I felt and saw before I was out was the needle in my neck and the room get dark.

* * *

The first thing I saw upon opening my eyes was the white ceiling. Then the white walls. The white floor. There was no window.

I was still in my bed and still had needles in my arm and monitors on. My head hurt worse than it had been, and I felt like I had been hit by a speeding car. I tried to lift my arm, but I couldn't. Whatever they had injected me with must still be in my system.

I wondered where Mellie was, why it was taking her so long to get here. I wondered if she was ok without me, if she had had any more dreams about Jerry, if I was still governor, if she had enough money to take care of her and Savannah.

A nurse came in around thirty minutes later and when the door was open, all I could see on a cart by the door was "Psych - Critical".

I was furious. I had no reason to be here. I was fine. Jerry was the one who needed to be here.

She checked my vital signs and started another round of fluids, but I didn't fight her. I heard a soft voice telling me to stay calm, and I did. I looked around and only saw the nurse, but her lips weren't moving.

It was only after the nurse left that I realized it was Mellie's voice.

I would do anything for her.


	25. My End and My Beginning

**A/N:** So this is it. The last chapter of this story. No more sequel one-shots that turn into something big afterwards. Writing these two stories was incredibly fun and also amazing. I will take suggestions and if I have time, go forth with those. I cannot thank you enough for reading and leaving reviews. It means so much to me.

Please leave a review and let me know what you think about the ending! I would absolutely love it.

 **Song:** All of Me by John Legend

 **DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing from ABC's _Scandal_ or anyone/anything else.

* * *

A few hours later, a couple of nurses came in to take me for a brain scan. I didn't hesitate to go, mostly because Mellie had told me I needed it. They wheeled me down the hall to the elevator and we went a few floors up to the MRI machine.

They laid me down, and strapped me to the table, which irritated me. This wasn't necessary. I knew how to lay still. I wasn't a child.

As the scan started, I wondered where Jerry had been these past few days. I figured out he couldn't stay with me, but he seemed to be concerned about my health so I think he would have stayed. I wish I could see him. He could tell me about myself. He seemed to know more about my life than I do.

I closed my eyes and dozed off, and was awoken by a nurse when it was over. They quickly took me back to my room, where two nurses bathed and shaved me before another brought food thirty minutes later.

"What time is it?" I asked quietly, wondering if the sky had already turned dark or if the light was still on. I forget the names of it.

"It's almost six thirty p.m.," she told me, and I knew it was the dark time now. After I finished eating, she took my food tray and left, the slam of the door shutting echoing throughout the room.

I was sad when she left. Even if we didn't talk, it was nice to be with another human. Me and my thoughts got lonely fast.

I had nothing to do in this empty room, so I tried to sleep again.

* * *

The next day, I had another seizure and I failed my usual psychological test, as I had every other day. I could never get enough answers right to pass. I couldn't tell them what day it was, or what year it was, who I was, where I was, why I was there, how many fingers they held up. It was all so frustrating, and I cried after every test. I felt worthless all because of getting shot in the head. I must have done something really stupid to get shot.

A while after my test, I heard the door open and I saw a nurse come in with Jerry. I knew it couldn't be good if they let him see me.

His eyes were red and swollen from lack of sleep and crying, and he cried as he sat beside me and took my hand. I looked at the nurse, who just smiled softly at me, so I looked back at him. He wiped his eyes and smiled at me, stroking my hair.

"Oh, Fitz," he sighed. "You've been such a fighter. I hate this happened to you," he whispered. "I love you so, so much, son. I really do."

"What's wrong?" I asked, worried about why he was so sad.

"The scan showed the swelling in your brain has gotten worse instead of better. It also showed that irreversible damage was happening. That explains the seizures and confusion," he told me.

"I'm so, so sorry."

My heart sank. My own brain was working against me. My body was supposed to be fixing the wound, not hurting me.

"What's going to happen to me?" I asked, wondering what a lot of this meant.

"They want to try putting you in a medically induced coma for a few days to see if that helps. It won't hurt. It'll be just like you're asleep," he explained. "It's supposed to help your brain get back to normal."

"Ok," I sighed, hoping he was right. "Will you tell Mellie for me?"

He smiled and squeezed my hand.

"Of course," he said, going along with it, and I was hoping he was coming around and remembering our marriage now.

I smiled and he talked to me for a few more minutes. The seriousness of his voice was concerning.

"I'm so proud of you, Fitz. I didn't want you to be a Navy SEAL at first, but you've done such a good job. You're a leader and you're strong and a good man. Your mother would be so proud of her little boy," he smiled, wiping a tear away. "I just want you to know I love you, no matter what. I will always love you, son."

"I...I love you, too," I said hesitantly, but sincerely. I barely knew this man who claimed to be my father, but I trusted him. I didn't realize I was in the Navy, though. That seems important to me.

He got up and left, and the nurse gave me a paper to sign to allow the coma. Only an hour later the anesthesiologist was ready to roll, and I guessed I'd better be. I prayed this would work, that this would heal me and let me go home and see my family.

Slowly, as we made our way up a floor to the ICU, I was more out of it. As soon as the elevator doors opened, I was already under.

* * *

Three weeks and four scans later, I was still in the medically induced coma and my brain hadn't gotten any better. The swelling had barely gone down, and the wound was almost infected. The scans showed that parts of my brain were already beginning to shut down.

Jerry sat by my side, waiting for the doctors to tell him something, any kind of hopeful news. He slept a few hours every night, then paced the halls until early morning. He was worried. Our relationship was never that great, but he didn't want a life without me. A doctor came in around three that afternoon after my fifth scan and sat down with Jerry.

"We've done another scan today, and unfortunately, it's not looking any better. The swelling hasn't gone down any more, there's little activity, and the wound is not healing properly. It's becoming infected, and we think the infection has reached his lungs. More than half of his brain has already shut down," the doctor sighed as he watched the color drain from Jerry's face.

"So what are our options now?" Jerry asked, his voice breaking as he tried not to cry. The only time I ever saw him cry was when my mother died.

"Keep him in the coma another week or so and see if it gets better, or bring him out of it and see how he does," he suggested. "It's up to you."

"Another week," Jerry said without hesitation. He had faith that I would get better.

* * *

A week later, the swelling was going down but the infection and damage were worse. He signed the papers to bring me out of the coma, and I remembered waking up a few days later. I had no idea who this man beside me was. I could barely speak or think. The words were hard to find. I couldn't move my body. I was like a vegetable in this cold, lonely hospital bed in London.

I had one good day, as good as good can be in my case. It all went downhill after that.

"I love you, no matter what, Fitz," Jerry told me, kissing my forehead and hugging me with tears in his eyes that evening. I knew then I wasn't going to get any better. To know I would never get better made me want to die.

A five-minute seizure almost killed me that night, and they put me on life support after that.

Jerry cried that entire night. He knew it was almost over for me.

I knew it was almost over.

But that night, I was hopeful. I was hopeful because I saw Mellie. She came and talked to me, whispering sweet things to encourage me to get better. She was there one minute and gone the next.

But she was there. Jerry didn't seem to notice her at all and gave me a strange look when I spoke to her. I ignored him. I didn't care. I loved her.

* * *

Two days later, there she was again, the love of my life, sitting at my bedside.

I could feel her presence, despite my weak body barely hanging on. Jerry had agreed to take me off life support, which I understood yet didn't. My mind didn't know what was going on, but my body did.

I asked her about Savannah and how they were doing, if she was ok without me physically being with her, if her finances were ok, if she needed anything at all.

I knew she would be ok without me. But I needed her to know I loved her and always would.

I occasionally heard Jerry say something to me, but I couldn't understand the words he was saying and it frustrated me.

I heard him call a nurse in a few minutes later, and two nurses came in quietly. One held a clipboard and stared at her watch while the other unplugged the machines keeping me alive.

I soon felt my body struggle to stay alive, trying to keep enough air in my lungs to breathe, to keep my heart beating. My blood flowed slower and slower, and it got harder to breathe. My heartbeat slowed to a crawl, and I heard her beautiful voice whisper to me.

"You can let go, Fitz," she whispered softly in my ear, her beautiful blue eyes looking into mine.

Upon hearing those last words, my heart stopped and everything was dark for me. It was only dark momentarily, however, until my eyes opened.

I woke up to a blinding white light in my eyes, and I saw my entire future before me.

/ the end


End file.
